Visitation question

BD has seen LO a total of 3 times in his life.
LO turned 4 in August.

BD has not paid child support since March. he currently owes 7700 in arrears. He completed treatment and now lives in a sober house but will not look for work. he says he might take some classes. (he already has a masters degree)
now I'm busting my ass, working and going to school to get my associates

All that aside-
Everytime I take LO to see him. (yes I am the one making the trip everytime)
I spend about 60 dollars on gas and tolls.
I do not have that money. I have nothing in savings, credit card bills, student loan payments and many others. I need to save every penny til Christmas for LO.

I just was there visiting last week. BD's mom said she would plan for us to come back in November. I really can't afford it And I'm sick of him taking no responsibility for his son. I was thinking of just telling him I am not taking him for visits anymore until he starts paying some type of support. But a bunch of people told me he could take me to court and get visitation anyway. Is that true? would I still be required to drive him up there and spend my money? It doesn't seem fair.

BTW my son does not know this man as his father. Simply knows him as "Dan"

Visitation and CS are two different areas so yes, he could file for visitation but the judge isn't going to make you drive there to drop him off. Its his potential visitation, he's the one who needs to pick the child up.

If he hasn't paid CS since March, why isn't he in jail?

Honestly, if he doesn't make the effort then I wouldn't either. It's not your job to make sure that your BD is in his life.

I believe he might be able to get some type of visitation, but you could ask for it to be supervised due to him being in a sober house, etc, and I'm pretty sure they won't make you continue to make that drive. You could all possibly meet up at a public place near your house or something.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Jas ♥:</b>" Visitation and CS are two different areas so yes, he could file for visitation but the judge isn't going ... [snip!] ... potential visitation, he's the one who needs to pick the child up. If he hasn't paid CS since March, why isn't he in jail?"</blockquote>




I have no idea. According to the enforcement office, "he has pending drug charges and those issues supersede child support."

that's as much info as I can get

Quoting A&J. ♥:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Jas ♥:</b>" Visitation and CS are two different areas ... [snip!] ... enforcement office, "he has pending drug charges and those issues supersede child support." that's as much info as I can get"

Oh well yeah, I can see that. I wouldn't even want him around my kid. Your son is 4, he's seen him 3 times. He doesn't financially take care of him. He makes NO effort to be in his life. He's got some drug situations going on. No, just no.

What's your custody agreement right now?

He can take you to court for visitation if he wanted but the judge could order a meeting place halfway between or that one parent drops him off & the other picks him up.

I live about an hour away from bd & he would always call & say he couldnt bring her home so i would end up driving both ways. I told him that if he wanted to take her he had to come out & pick her up & i would do the same. Well that was the last time she had a visit. Douche can find a ride to party but not to see his kid 

I actually feel like I'm going to have heart failure when I think about this. I would NEVER trust him to be alone with LO. ever. ever ever. Even with his parents there. My son doesn't know them that well and that is his fault. he did not meet my son until he was 3 years old and only then I know it's because his mom wanted to.
He shows no interest. When he's there he just texts and smokes.
If a judge said he could have unsupervised visitation I would go off the deep end.

I don't think we have a custody agreement. I've always been his sole provider. Does that mean I have full custody automatically?
BD was not on the Birth certificate. when I took him to court for CS he contested paternity so a paternity test confirmed it. I've heard they issue a new BC after that but I never got one...

Quoting A&J. ♥:" I actually feel like I'm going to have heart failure when I think about this. I would NEVER trust him ... [snip!] ... CS he contested paternity so a paternity test confirmed it. I've heard they issue a new BC after that but I never got one..."

Considering his past, he'd most likely get supervised visitation. IF he even applies for it. Going by what you're saying, he won't.

My BD didn't sign the BC but after CS issued a DNA test I had to get my DD a new BC and he was on it without me knowing.

Quoting A&J. ♥:" I actually feel like I'm going to have heart failure when I think about this. I would NEVER trust him ... [snip!] ... CS he contested paternity so a paternity test confirmed it. I've heard they issue a new BC after that but I never got one..."

I highly doubt the judge will let him have unsupervised visitation. He's basically a stranger to your son.

If I were you, I would file for full custodial custody (if you don't have it already).

Quoting Jas ♥:" Visitation and CS are two different areas so yes, he could file for visitation but the judge isn't going ... [snip!] ... potential visitation, he's the one who needs to pick the child up. If he hasn't paid CS since March, why isn't he in jail?"

Oldest kids bd went over 2 years without paying. Actually he made 1 payment of $32. weve been to court numerous times for over a year already. Suprisingly he paid last month but thats because theyre threatning jail time. If he stops paying again after court next week i will be livid. (He has 8 years total of non payment)

<blockquote><b>Quoting Sophia's Mommy♥:</b>" Considering his past, he'd most likely get supervised visitation. IF he even applies for it. Going by ... [snip!] ... My BD didn't sign the BC but after CS issued a DNA test I had to get my DD a new BC and he was on it without me knowing."</blockquote>


I don't think he would care enough. but Its his parents that would care. they push so much for him to be in my sons life when it's painfully obvious he doesn't want to be. I just know how their family works. they would tell him he had to go for visitation and he would listen because they somewhat financially support him right now.

They never told me I needed to get a new BC. the BC I have just has me on it. I'm tempted to move out of state first and then tell him. I'm just sad and scared. I know down the road this will not be good for my son. It will hurt him more than help him.

Please don't quote that part

Quoting Misty Walls:" Oldest kids bd went over 2 years without paying. Actually he made 1 payment of $32. weve been to court ... [snip!] ... threatning jail time. If he stops paying again after court next week i will be livid. (He has 8 years total of non payment)"

Sounds like your state failed you. I'm from a no nonsense state (VA) and they don't play around when it comes to child support.

Quoting Jas ♥:" Sounds like your state failed you. I'm from a no nonsense state (VA) and they don't play around when it comes to child support. "

I know right. I live in colo & he took off to NY. So i guess Ny has better things to do than enforce child support. smh

Quoting Misty Walls:" I know right. I live in colo & he took off to NY. So i guess Ny has better things to do than enforce child support. smh"

Yeah I hear its actually one of the worst states when it comes to CS.

Most likely he'd get supervised visitation if anything.Even all of you meet up at your local DCF (department of children and families, I don't know what it's called in your state) or a similar government building where people are required to supervise the visit. I highly doubt that he would get unsupervised.

I got DD a new BC because I lost her old one. I had no idea they put him on it. I don't mind that he's on it even though he's a deadbeat I just didn't know.

Just take it day by day, tell him that if he wants to see his son to make the trips. You can't afford it and that's understandable. I would not make the effort if he doesn't.