What would you tell your nurse after your loss?

As a Labor and Delivery nurse we don't always have the happy joyous births everyone prays for. We also have the births of miscarrages and stillborns. While they are ripping out your hearts, they are pulling our heart strings and breaking yours too. As a nurse it is usually our job to deliver a stillborn baby, and later the doctor will come to take care of the placenta.

If you wanted the chance to tell your nurse something that you would have liked her to know about how she treated you, write it here. Was she not attentive? Was she phenomonal? Was she souless, rude mean? Was she caring, perfect, and everything you needed? Was she TOO carrying, overwhelming, and too pushy? Lets share some experiences!!

Love the idea for this thread. <3

I had a bitch if a nurse with our last M/C. I hate needles and he response to me was "Well you didn't have to come in now did you? You could of stayed home" As she was screaming at me to put a gown on as the nice nurse tried getting vitals. So I think if I saw her again I'd tell her to shove it.

This is a great thread idea.

Quoting Arianna's Mama =]:" I had a bitch if a nurse with our last M/C. I hate needles and he response to me was "Well you didn't ... [snip!] ... at me to put a gown on as the nice nurse tried getting vitals. So I think if I saw her again I'd tell her to shove it."

 

not so much my nurse id like to tell off but i wish i had of told off my doctor. I still hadnt gone into labor on my due date so we scheduled my induction for 6 days after. ( due on tuesday set induction for sunday) i went into labor the next day. i went to the hospital and after i was admitted my doctor sent me home....said yea im having steady contractions but im not dilating fast enough and the hospital is to crowded. i was pissed and in pain. i came back to the hospital the next morning. literally 6 hours later. i saw a different doctor who was on call and he was great. then, the next day my doctor comes in and tells me that she just wanted me to know that im taking up space...i took someones elses spot in the hospital. really? yea because i chose to go into labor...sorry im in labor and the girl who isnt cant come in yet! shes lucky i was so doped up at the moment. thank god she didnt deliver my baby

My nurse, Nurse Mattias, was a male nurse. He actually helped deliver both of my sons. When I showed up in preterm labor at 23 weeks, it was a comfort to have him there. He encouraged me, kept me informed (much moreso than the doctors), explained anything I asked about, got me answers when I wanted them, was willing to work with my requests (keeping my feet way elevated to try to get gravity to take pressure off my cervix). He fought for me almost like a doula would have when the doctors didn't try to help me at all (literally no medications to stop my labor at all. Just IV fluids and that was it. they gave me antibiotics when it became clear I wasn't going to allow him to be born without fighting tooth and nail---I held on for 48 hours!).

He was amazing. He taught me to breastfeed my oldest and after my youngest was born so tiny, he was very very careful helping me clean him, dress him, weigh and measure him. He made sure to let me take photos every step of the way and held me as I cried too.

I swear, the man deserves so much more than the letter I sent him. He was amazing. The one bright spot in an otherwise abysmal experience. He never pressured me to give my son to them after he died. He let me continue holding him as long as I wanted and made sure we were left in peace by other staff members and that anyone who wanted to get vitals did so very respectfully. He was my mama hen when I needed a mama most. I can never thank him enough.

The nurse who implied I was delirious because I held my son for 5 hours and let my older son hold him and play with him and talk to him can get over herself though. Grief isn't about the comfort level of those watching it.

I've never had a stillbirth, but I've never received any kind of sympathy from any of the nurses during my miscarriages. Hell, our vetertinary staff is more caring when we've had to put down a pet!

When I lost the twins, I was bleeding. A lot. I was in an ER filled with all of 1 person and waited to be seen after an hour while bleeding all over the chairs and benches. I was taken back and was laid down. Blood just pouring off the sides of the table. My nurse just explained to me they needed a urine sample. I got off the table to use the restroom. Slipped in my own blood and cracked my head on the way to the bathroom. Gave the urine sample. Confirmed the miscarriage. Told to come in for a follow up the next day.

Came in the next day. Waited in the waiting room. All these people with their newborns. All these babies after just losing mine. I started shaking. I started holding my breath just so I wouldn't scream. I waited 15 minutes, then got up to tell the lady I was leaving. They hurried my OB up. He took me back there only to say "Oh gee, you're still upset, these things happen, you just have to move on". I drove home.

If I could say one thing to anyone there, it would be a huge "Smurf you". That is all.

As for my recent experience with my daughter. I was told by a nurse that I better get use to doing things on my own because SO will just leave me. She also told SO that she's afraid to leave my room because she doesn't think I know how to feed my baby".

If I could tell her one thing, I would have told her the same. "Smurf you".

I know there's good nurses out there.....I was never lucky enough to have one though.

Quoting Tavi:" When I lost the twins, I was bleeding. A lot. I was in an ER filled with all of 1 person and waited to ... [snip!] ... have told her the same. "Smurf you". I know there's good nurses out there.....I was never lucky enough to have one though. "

Wow!
What hospital did you deliver at?

Not Valley right?

Quoting Arianna's Mama =]:" I had a bitch if a nurse with our last M/C. I hate needles and he response to me was "Well you didn't ... [snip!] ... at me to put a gown on as the nice nurse tried getting vitals. So I think if I saw her again I'd tell her to shove it."

How horrible that she is YELLING at you at a time like this  

Quoting Ashlee♥:" Wow! What hospital did you deliver at? Not Valley right?"

The first one where I lost the twins was Samaritan Hospital in Moses Lake, WA.

The second one where I had my daughter was Overlake in Bellevue,WA

Quoting Tavi:" The first one where I lost the twins was Samaritan Hospital in Moses Lake, WA. The second one where I had my daughter was Overlake in Bellevue,WA "

Ohh.
I was going to say I thought Valley was good. [Saw you live in Renton]
I delivered at St. Joes in Tacoma, really good hospital.
Delivered my last at Good Samartan in Puyallup [Horrible]

Quoting aubriesmom:" not so much my nurse id like to tell off but i wish i had of told off my doctor. I still hadnt gone into ... [snip!] ... labor and the girl who isnt cant come in yet! shes lucky i was so doped up at the moment. thank god she didnt deliver my baby"

Oh yuck!! That is horrible! Taking up a room?

Other than my preemie, I've had 5 other losses. For those, the entire medical staff can learn the top 10 list of things to never say to a woman losing her child:

1. It was God's will/plan/etc. It was fate/meant to be/etc.
2. You can have more. Or you already have more.
3. At least YOU are healthy.
4. There's nonthing they could have done (ya know, except they have never run tests after 6 losses and have NO IDEA what causes it, so they actually don't have a damn clue if they could have prevented it with closer monitoring. Since I'm now further along in gestational development than FOUR of my pregnancies have gone, I'd say the progesterone smurfing helps---as did the butt-load of tests I got a GOOD doctor to run for me FINALLY after 6 losses!)
5. At least it was quick (or any variation of an "up-side" to the experience).
6. Your body just wasn't ready for a baby (because at 25+ in perfect health, good weight, and no medically significant issues, my body is probably as good as its going to get! Way to make me HATE my body---Hate it for failing SIX kids).
7. These things happen--yeah, why? What's the scientific cause? Why me?
8. It was nothing you did ---I know that. Way to make me second guess.
9. If your bleeding is more than a normal period, come back in---defining a normal period as " up to a pad an hour for two hours". If I bled like that for a period, I'd die. I love it when a man (someone with no vagina, uterus, or menstrual cycle) describes teh feeling of a miscarriage, contractions, birth or a period to me like I haven't experienced all of it a half dozen times or more (at least!) I didn't bleed that heavily for that long after my 5th loss and I WAS HEMORRHAGING! Thank God the doctor was proactive and gave me Methergine to slow the bleeding BEFORE I lost enough blood---sorry, but if you're gushing blood from the crotch, you're gonna know somethings wrong before it gets to 2 hours and you're shaky, cold, and light headed. Sheesh!
10. Offer me medications or surgery to force my body to miscarry after a missed miscarriage when I have told you that I want to do it naturally---and then LIE about the side effects of those medications (or any medications) to my FACE.