(A tad long, but bare with me. It's worth it.)
With Mya's birthday quickly approaching, I am finding myself having a hard time dealing with people - family specifically. Most seem to have forgotten what this week is. Which is to be expected, I suppose, since they only saw our living nightmare from the outside. However, there was an instance at our baby shower about a week ago, that is eating me up in side.
DH's grandma doesn't have a filter. She says whatever she wants, and often doesn't realize that what she is saying is FAR from appropriate. She told me the day I delivered Mya, as I'm holding her trying to hold back my emotions, that my sweet baby girl was more alive than anyone in that room.
Now, in her head, I'm sure that was perfectly logical. But it STILL pisses me off to this day. My daughter is gone. Never coming back. She is NOT more alive than myself, or her sister, or her father. Or anyone smurfing else for that matter.
Okay, so fast forward to my baby shower, where my mom had brought balloons for everyone to write a message on and release to Mya. His grandma starts telling me how after our son is born, I will be able to say I have 4 children (where she got the number 4, I don't understand). I explained that I always include Mya when asked how many kids I have. ALWAYS. And the only time it gets complicated is when I have to explain that I have a 3 year old, and a would be 1 year old.
So she goes on to tell me that spirits don't age.
MY baby ages. My baby kicked me for the last time almost a year ago.. she would be a year old this Thursday. She ages, damnit.
Anyway. The point of this, is that all too often people say things that are inappropriate, and have no idea.
This is a good list of examples of things NOT to say, reasons why, and alternatives. I think everyone should take the few minutes to read through it and make mental notes. You never know when someone close to you is going to lose their child. You don't want to be that one person that says something without thinking, and has it stick with the parents for the rest of their lives.
I also think a sticky should be made in S&L with a list of things not to say, things that are helpful (for those that never quite know what
to say).. and people can add to it as they please, since it is different for everyone.