Confusion

So about 3 years ago I cheated on my SO with a guy for about 8 months. I know it is wrong and my SO does know it happened I was young & stupid.. well anyways once my SO found out we broke up and I stayed with that guy for a week or so and I just really missed my SO I had been dating him for 2 years before that so I ended things with that guy and my SO and I tried to work things out.. it's been about 2 years since then and I do love my SO, he is a great dad and he is in college trying to get a degree to take care of us I just feel like we don't connect on levels I connected with that other guy and I miss him some days.. not really that I want to be with him just like I did care about him and we connected in ways me and my SO just don't.. He understood things that my SO doesn't get at all but the point is I just feel like I'm missing something, like I know things with the other guy wouldn't have worked out but maybe there is someone else that could be more and get me more but I'm scared to leave and I feel like maybe it's not right for our son because he is a great dad..I just feel confused at times on what to do..

Thats a tough situation....one that could possibly lead you to cheat again. What is it you feel he doesnt understand about you?

Do you have friends? You need to have friends outside of your marriage as well. The friendships can give you things your spouse cannot, and your spouse can give you things your friends cannot.

Quoting Rumpelstiltskin:" Do you have friends? You need to have friends outside of your marriage as well. The friendships can give you things your spouse cannot, and your spouse can give you things your friends cannot. "

!!!
Very true....

Are you living with "what if's"? You always want the greener grass. The thing is, that grass will need to be watered and mowed as well.

Quoting Not tellin:" Are you living with "what if's"? You always want the greener grass. The thing is, that grass will need to be watered and mowed as well."

And depending on the season that smurf will turn brown no matter what you do.

The grass isn't always greener on the other side, it's green where you water it.

Try talking to your SO about the things you want to connect on. Just because he is a great dad to your son doesn't mean that you have to be together. But I would put the time and effort into the relationship you are in before trying to get out. You seem to love this guy so try talking to him and see if there are some things he can do to help you out. And in turn you need to be willing to do things for him.

Quoting That Black Kid™:" Thats a tough situation....one that could possibly lead you to cheat again. What is it you feel he doesnt understand I about you?"

He just doesn't get things like if I'm upset he says I'm to emotional & to get over things, he never wants to show emotion & affection when I'mt he complete opposite.. He isn't in to sex when I find that a really big part of a healthy relationship, I try & tell him multiple time specifically what I feel is missing & it's like he doesn't care or whatever.. He sometimes will do things but always goes back to the same ignoring me & unaffectionate.. I just feel like we don't connect on a true intimacy level

Quoting BG Secrets:" He just doesn't get things like if I'm upset he says I'm to emotional & to get over things, he never ... [snip!] ... but always goes back to the same ignoring me & unaffectionate.. I just feel like we don't connect on a true intimacy level"

Go to counseling. The reason he is like that may not have anything to do with you at all.

Quoting White Chocolate Milk:" The grass isn't always greener on the other side, it's green where you water it. Try talking to your ... [snip!] ... to him and see if there are some things he can do to help you out. And in turn you need to be willing to do things for him."

That's the thing I do tell him all the time, I even straight up say I am unhappy at times & then he will try for a day or so & then it goes back & I'm just like why do I have to keep trying so damn hard when he doesn't it's not like he is mean or anything just emtionless.. & never wants to have sex really like 1x every 2-3 weeks is good for him   I also always do things for him buy him random things at the store, leave little love notes, text messages it's like he thinks things like that are dumb when that's whats missing for me..

Quoting That Black Kid™:" Go to counseling. The reason he is like that may not have anything to do with you at all."

He won't do counseling he thinks it's a waste of time.. He grew up with out a mom and no other female figures really so I know thats why the way he is, I just wonder do I settle for that or try and see if I can find what I'm missing..

SO and I are complete opposites. He is the more emotional one and needs a lot of validation (to me see it seems more so insecurities). We went to counseling and it helped greatly. But no matter how things can get between us cheating is never the answer. You need to find better ways of dealing with your emotions. Finding another "someone" isn't going to fix your need to for emotional closeness.