help

I have to leave my boyfriend. He told me he was going to his dads for a bit and would be right back... over 7 hours ago. And his dad finally called me back and said he hadn't even seen him today. He does this every weekend.. needless to say he's got a huge drinking problem and is constantly putting it before our family. But then he justifices it beccause he is the soul provider for all 4 of us and is out of town monday-friday every week at a very labor intensive job. He makes pretty good money and is usually prety good with it. But even when we are struggling with money he can always aford to buy beer. The other night he told me he was going to his dads and for a bit and didn't show up till 3 am. He then told me that he had spent 400 dollars that night and most of it was on a cab he told to drive around for ahwille cause he didn't want to come home... wich really hurt my feelings.. I later heard him talking to his friend saying he went to his house that night. (he's at least a 35 minute drive from where we live.) Anyways he does this all the time, I could go on and on of the nights hes done this. Everytime I tell myself I'm going to leave but the next day when he apologizes and tells me how sorry he is and how he knows he needs to change I fall for it all over again. Knowing full well he'll do it again. I need advise, I need to get out but I feel trapped. I'm a sahm and have 1o dollars to my name. I really have nothing with out him. Help  

I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry you're going through this <3

I can totally relate to alot of the things you are going through. I am engaged to an alcoholic and I almost left. I'm also a SAHM. What saved me, my sanity, and my relationship was Alanon. Seriously, I was like "ugh, smurf that" but i pushed myself to go and it was the best thing I ever did for MYSELF!!! I urge you to find on in your area and go to a few meetings. At first you just go for the sake of going, then you start to catch on and the whole universe seems to shift. It really was quite a remarkable transformation in my life. I really really hope you check it out, even try a few different meetings until you find one that "fits"- its amazing and can be life changing.

Quoting SmashleynSmallyPants:" I can totally relate to alot of the things you are going through. I am engaged to an alcoholic and I ... [snip!] ... hope you check it out, even try a few different meetings until you find one that "fits"- its amazing and can be life changing. "

Hey I haven't seen you in a while. I see you had your baby! Congrats!!!

Quoting 1inpink2inblue:" Hey I haven't seen you in a while. I see you had your baby! Congrats!!!"

Yes I did! I've been hiding under a rock sort of... but I'm back haha. Thanks hun!!

Thanks for the advise, I'm going to check out a meeting this tuesday.

<blockquote><b>Quoting BC Mama:</b>" I have to leave my boyfriend. He told me he was going to his dads for a bit and would be right back... ... [snip!] ... I need to get out but I feel trapped. I'm a sahm and have 1o dollars to my name. I really have nothing with out him. Help  "</blockquote>




I can't offer more than this: stop accepting his bullsmurf and tell him to either get sober or get lost. Clue his parents in to how serious this situation is, they can't support you and help if they don't know.

Shoot, go to his dad's house if necessary. OR, change the locks when your boyfriend is out doing what he does, and keep him locked out. Let him see how serious you are !

Quoting thisunrest:" <blockquote><b>Quoting BC Mama:</b>" I have to leave my boyfriend. He told me he was ... [snip!] ... OR, change the locks when your boyfriend is out doing what he does, and keep him locked out. Let him see how serious you are !"

If he's addicted to alcohol all that will do it create more chaos and stress for her. He's an addict he will chose the bottle if he is forced into an ultimatum- whether he loves his family or not. He is sick.

Quoting BC Mama:" Thanks for the advise, I'm going to check out a meeting this tuesday."

I go Tuesdays too!   lol

I know I will probably get smurf for this but oh well...
I do not believe in divorce unless its under extreme circumstances. Your husband has a problem. It sounds like he needs to go to rehab. He needs you the most right now. If I were you I would sit him down(have someone watch your kids) and tell him you think he needs to go to rehab. Tell him if he doesn't go to rehab and marriage counseling that you will divorce him. An alcoholic is dangerous(mentally and physically) to everyone especially your children. I am the daughter of an alcoholic and I am so unbelievably smurfed up from what my dad did to me and let happen to me. However, if he is willing to go to rehab give him a chance. Go get some counseling.
I am so sorry you are going through this.

EDIT: I just realized he is your boyfriend, but he is the father of your children and I still stand by what I said ^^^^

Quoting Ellena's mommy:" I know I will probably get smurf for this but oh well... I do not believe in divorce unless its under ... [snip!] ... this. EDIT: I just realized he is your boyfriend, but he is the father of your children and I still stand by what I said ^^^^"

He definitely needs help. He won't go to rehab he doesn't think he's that bad, and he would never be able to leave his job. But he did tell me he'd try AA, if I found a meeting for him to go to. And I've asked him a million times to go to counseling and he refuses... I know he would never lay a finger on me or our boys. My dad and his dad are also alcoholics and it sucks! I know what its like growing up with an alcoholic parent and its made totally turned off from drinking.. it didn't effect him the same way I guess. All the men he looks up to are alcoholics. Turns out he was actually at his boss's house last night and showed up at 3 am. And he's pretty much my hubby, he calls me his wife  .

Quoting thisunrest:" <blockquote><b>Quoting BC Mama:</b>" I have to leave my boyfriend. He told me he was ... [snip!] ... OR, change the locks when your boyfriend is out doing what he does, and keep him locked out. Let him see how serious you are !"

His parents don't care, his dads a major alcoholic and so is his gf.. His stepmom delt with it for 20 years and just recently left him and his biological mother was never really in the picture. He would be furious if I changed the locks since its his house. I locked my bedroom door and he had to sleep on the couch. And I was ready to go to his dads last night but my stroller was in my car that he took and it was pouring down rain lastnight. He's out of town for the week but I really want him to know how serious I am. This smurf is getting old.

Quoting SmashleynSmallyPants:" If he's addicted to alcohol all that will do it create more chaos and stress for her. He's an addict ... [snip!] ... He's an addict he will chose the bottle if he is forced into an ultimatum- whether he loves his family or not. He is sick. "

this is spot on  

Quoting BC Mama:" this is spot on  "

Chalk it up to Alanon!!    

I been in the exact same position with my hubby. He was and addict and now is in recovery has been clean six months...Hw went to a year long rehab and will be out next June. I went through the same thing you are for awhile, and forcing him to go will not help. He has to be ready to go himself. My hubby went the first time because he had too. This time he chose to go on his on.

You have to take it one day at a time...You never fully understand that phrase until you go thru what you are going through. I lived with my hubby for about a year will he was going through it...Then he got to the point I had to move out. We stayed married, but I didn't live there. I then filed for divorce, but stopped it because he is doing good right now.

You have to put yourself and you children first....Don't follow him around and stress yourself out about what he is doing. I know you will worry but don't do it because is he has a problem not matter how much he loves you and your child(ren) he will chose the bottle over ya'll two. Just have a serious talk with him make sure no kids in the house. Write him a letter tellin him how much you care and need him and love him and you think he need help. Tell him if he doesn't get the help you are moving out till he figures out what he wants to do. But honestly if he ant ready it want work.

Just find something to focus on and not him...Spend time with your child(ren) or friends while he goes out. Alanon will fell you in on this. I love Alanon. You can't force him into a decision. If you need someone to talk to I am here. Just message me. Alanon is youir best thing....Sorry mama this is one of the most emotionally driven things you will go through. It's just like a rollar coaster. I am sorry!!!