She said "I'am only going to keep get worse"

My 8 year old step daughter was misbehaving on thing she knows not to do <in and out of the two year olds room, pulling the dogs tail till it yelped, pulling all of the clothes out of her dresser> I sent her to the corner, she would not stay, so i ended up sending her to her room after about 5 minutes of trying to get her to stay in the corner. After about 5 minutes she came out and said sorry, and we went on with our day. About two hours later while the two year old was napping she again was trying to go in and out of his room and terrorizing the poor dog. I sent her back to her room, she turned around and looked at me and stated "She was only going to keep getting worse" and slammed her door. By this point the two year old is awake. She again was in her room about 5 minutes then said sorry. We all loaded up in the car for the couple errands i needed to run, bank, home depot, and drop some clothes at good will.
During this time she was pretty well behaved, her aunt called and wanted her to stay the night, I called her father and said okay after knowing how the day went.
This was the weekend we were patching holes and fixing her walls (she pealed the top part of the dry wall of a few months ago) and were also going to paint them. Since next weekend we are putting hardwood floors and ripping up the carpet. I was cleaning a few things left on her floor and picked up a plastic baggie, she again had pooped in it.. Im honestly not sure when.. but im sure it was from one of the 5 minute stints she did today in her room when she was mad.
We have talked to the therapist several times and when Kaya goes in to talk to her alone (and we are told later) She said she just has "accidents" She really hasnt had one in almost a month (maybe a little longer). Im honestly at a loss of what to do here..

I am not asking for opinions just help. We did go in and got started on an IEP at her school.

I don't know... but I don't think that's normal behavior for an 8 year old. I'm sure you are aware of that.

I would be taking privileges away at that age. Example... if she isn't going to listen to you, maybe she should lose her favorite toy for the day and get it back when she can prove that she is ready to behave. In her eyes it seems that she knows you will just send her to her room or to the corner... and really, she doesn't care about that. Which is why she keeps doing it. Get sent to my room where I can play? Sure.. why not. Sit in the corner and pretend to be sorry? Sure why not..

As far as pooping in her room... have her help clean it up.

yikes! im not sure what to do about the pooping problem. definately take her to therapy, see if they have some behavioral modification suggestions. along the lines of rewards for good behavioral charts. sounds like she has some issues she needs to talk about or maybe her actions are related to her biological mother. good luck.

Do her apologies seem sincere when she says them, or does it seem like she's just saying them because she knows that thats what you want to hear? Honestly, I'd make her stay in time outs longer, even if she does come out and say sorry after 5 minutes. Other than though, I wouldnt know what to do.

Poor kid is angry about something. Does her bio mom have anything o do with her?

If an apology is all it takes to get out of trouble, then the consequences are really light! I'd take privileges or give her chores.


Is she bored?

As for the pooping, it's a control thing probably. Hopefully her therapist can help you all find a solution.

I would honestly take her to another psychiatrist. It really sounds like she has something going on that's not normal. Honestly, reading your story reminded me of January and Bhodi, but I doubt that's what she has because it's rare in children, but I would still go get a second psych opinion.

Quoting shes.so.vain:" Do her apologies seem sincere when she says them, or does it seem like she's just saying them because ... [snip!] ... in time outs longer, even if she does come out and say sorry after 5 minutes. Other than though, I wouldnt know what to do."

She does seem very sorry like she didnt mean to do whatever she was in trouble for. She has a behavior chart and she loves that. Her Bio mom isnt involved much and there is a long back story on her.

Another question- what is she doing when LO is sleeping and she is torturing the dog? Are you engaging her in an activity or just letting her free-play? I just noticed from your other post that she may have autism and it made me think about this more. I feel like it's important to give her something to do... a special job or task, or a project. Have her help you with something. Maybe she is seeking out extra attention... I would suggest having her help read LO a book when he's getting ready for a nap... or make a scavenger hunt for her. Hide M&Ms... YUM!

Quoting P Pickle Pants:" If an apology is all it takes to get out of trouble, then the consequences are really light! I'd take ... [snip!] ... Is she bored? As for the pooping, it's a control thing probably. Hopefully her therapist can help you all find a solution."

I agree. It makes the apologies meaningless... she is apologizing because she knows it will get her out of trouble. At 8 years old she should be well aware of consequences of her actions and have a balance of right and wrong.

Quoting *Cade*Mak*Col*:" Another question- what is she doing when LO is sleeping and she is torturing the dog? Are you engaging ... [snip!] ... having her help read LO a book when he's getting ready for a nap... or make a scavenger hunt for her. Hide M&Ms... YUM!"

i agree. focus on her positive behavior & give her chores or tasks that make her feel part of things. its far too easy to give her the attention for the negative. i think she has bio mom issues.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Noahs Mommy =]:</b>" She does seem very sorry like she didnt mean to do whatever she was in trouble for. She has a behavior ... [snip!] ... for. She has a behavior chart and she loves that. Her Bio mom isnt involved much and there is a long back story on her. "</blockquote>




My guess is she is angry at her mom. A friend of mine had the same problems with her son. He started as a foster kid and his mom ended up not wanting him back. He was very angry and would pee and poop all over his room peel paint off the walls. Destroyed his bed. They finally took everything out of his room and gave him a cot to sleep on. He etarted behaving eventually and was able to get stuff back. He was pissed that his mom left him and was basically pushing my friend and her husband away......they have since adpoted him

Quoting *Cade*Mak*Col*:" Another question- what is she doing when LO is sleeping and she is torturing the dog? Are you engaging ... [snip!] ... having her help read LO a book when he's getting ready for a nap... or make a scavenger hunt for her. Hide M&Ms... YUM!"

She normally colors, she LOVES to color and draw. There was no school yesterday here. So all the kids were out, and it was almost like she was seeing how far she could push.

Quoting Noahs Mommy =]:" She normally colors, she LOVES to color and draw. There was no school yesterday here. So all the kids were out, and it was almost like she was seeing how far she could push. "

I would have found something for her to do. You know what I used to love at her age? Those scratch boards... they are black and you use a pick to scrape the black off and underneath it's metallic or colored. You make pictures on it. I loved those! They have them at TRU.

Maybe when baby naps you can cook together or yu can teach her to knot/crochet (or learn together). She needs to bond with you and get past the jealousy over the baby (hence waking him up) and have something to do so she doesn't get overwhelmed with anger at her mom, maybe!