posted 14th Oct
Has she been diagnosed with anything? I agree - maybe another therapist. Perhaps a psychiatrist that can suggest medication. When we first took our son (he's 12 now) they had us each do a evaluation at how he is at home and then his teacher at school also got one. When kids go to therapy, in my experience they speak with the parents more than the kids. I'm not sure about the pooping - maybe its her way of getting back at you, or acting out. My stepson has aspergers and can be very challenging at times. Luckily, we finally have him on the right meds (a mood stabilizer & anti-depressant) and we have had lots of luck at school with his special needs teacher and his IEP. I have found that with kids - taking things away just back fires on you. Positive reinforcement works much better (works great for kids on the autism spectrum as well). Instead, we reward him with positive behavior - remembering to clean up after himself, volunteering to do chores, acting appropriate, doing homework, not lying (being honest - was his main issue), etc. I keep a tally of all his points (make up a points value for each positive behavior) and then let them cash them in - make a rewards list of stuff they like. My stepson loves the iPad, watching extra tv, staying up late, having an extra treat, etc. It has helped a ton!! We used to just ground him and take his favorite things away - it didn't work. After awhile everything was taken away, he had nothing to play with and therefore had no reason to behave well - after all, everything was already taken away. He didn't correlate that being good would get his privileges back - some kids can't. If he wants to earn time or extra stuff, he uses his points, and when he sees that he doesn't have enough points, he does better to try and earn more. It has really helped him and his behavior. We don't take things away anymore - if he was naughty or got caught lying, he just doesn't get any points. Positive reinforcement has been so much better for our son, so maybe that will work for your step daughter. He is also my stepson - been involved in his life for over 3 years - it's very challenging trying to be the other parent. And she may well be testing you. Figure out what her likes are, what she's interested in and try using that as a bonding moment. My stepson really loves comics, drawing, video games, cards... so his favorite place to go is a card hobby shop. So he knows that if he saves up points, we can go. Also, sometimes if he wants extra iPad time, i say do the dishes (by hand) and he gets extra time. He gets an immediate reward, which for some kids works the best.
Good luck to you. I definitely feel for you!