re: judgmental f***heads

Quoting Back to Noob Status:" How early twenties are you talking? I'm twenty-one, still in school and work jobs that only pay 11-14 ... [snip!] ... self, having graduated from high school, gotten a license's degree and work experience. But it would still be VERY difficult. "

Brain development, maturity, good judgment, and life experience mostly. It's also far more likely for a 21 year old to be a college graduate than a 16 year old.

Quoting Back to Noob Status:" How early twenties are you talking? I'm twenty-one, still in school and work jobs that only pay 11-14 ... [snip!] ... self, having graduated from high school, gotten a license's degree and work experience. But it would still be VERY difficult. "

Smurf, dude I'm 25, working in management, have a bachelors, and make 11.50/hr.

Now, mind you, I work for a POS company...... but I can't friggin' imagine trying to support a child as a teenager.

Quoting Rayne Simpson:" i'm not going to be going back to that because all the people i know that do that stuff have been kicked ... [snip!] ... and school, i'm not going to have much time for "friends". just me and my family. and i'm perfectly okay with that now."

And... that's all well and good..... but that will change. It's very hard to not have friends and people you can just have fun with.

Try looking for mommy groups in your area. Having other mothers around may be very helpful for you.

Quoting The Doctor:" Smurf, dude I'm 25, working in management, have a bachelors, and make 11.50/hr. Now, mind you, I work for a POS company...... but I can't friggin' imagine trying to support a child as a teenager."

I couldn't imagine either. Some places won't even hire sixteen year olds. I just couldn't imagine trying to raise a kid that young.

first of all i want to say that im really glad to hear you got your life together for your child. its so nice to hear how young girls turn their lives around. i lived the life that you did before my son aswell. i found out i was 9 weeks pregnant about 3 weeks after my 21st birthday. i also turned my life around and now have a healthy happy 11 month old. im very happy as well. Its not easy at times but so worth it. ive been through addiction death prison just about everything with my fiance and myself so if you ever need someone to talk to about anything feel free to contact me  

First, it is very sad if your fiancee is your child's father. If someone makes you feel that suicidal then it's for the best interest that he/she is not in your life. Second, just because it worked for you DOES NOT mean it magically works the same way for every other teenager. Everyone responds differently to pregnancy and not every teen pregnancy brings a family together. It'd be selfish to encourage teen girls who have not lived their life to get pregnant.

i never said it works for everyone. i know a lot of girls it didn't work for, but i also know girls that it did help them. yes everyone does respond differently, and i'm not trying to encourage girls to get pregnant at a young age.

and to Uh-milly 'Yuh my mother was 24 when she had her first child, and she had a very hard time raising my brother. age doesn't make a difference, education level doesn't really make a difference either. nor does your job. raising a child is hard, certain things do make a difference, but all mothers eventually go through the same challanges/problems. i know a lot of first time moms older than 21 that are having a harder time with their pregnancy than i am. and i know people whose mothers and fathers smoke pot, and do crack infront of their LOs.
age doesn't make a difference, no matter how developed someone's brain is, it doesn't mean they would have an easier time being a parents, or be a better parent for that matter.
i'm sorry if i come off as a bitch right there, that is not what i was aiming for.

Quoting Rayne Simpson:" i never said it works for everyone. i know a lot of girls it didn't work for, but i also know girls ... [snip!] ... or be a better parent for that matter. i'm sorry if i come off as a bitch right there, that is not what i was aiming for. "

This entire post shows how far you need to come hun. I'm sorry, but it is FILLED with proof that you have no idea what you're talking about.

If age made no difference, then you'd suggest an 11 year old parent? No? Maybe because they are far less likely to be ready then a 31 year old? Education makes a difference in the type of job you're likely to have. Guess what? Raising a kid on minimum wage is HARD. Raising a kid on 100k a year is MUCH MUCH easier. There is a difference. It doesn't mean one is impossible, it means it's MUCH harder and there is a difference.

Everyone hopes you'll do great, but yuo don't know. Until you actually have a child to parent, you don't have a clue what it requires. Quiting drinking and smoking for a pregnancy does not make a great parent. You really haven't even started "parenting" yet. I really really hope it all turns out well for you, but you cannot act as if you know anything at this point.

You just don't.

i did say that certain things to make a difference, but in the end we all end up going through the same smurf at some point, if not similar.
and please do not be-little the things that i know just because i do not share them with the world. that would be much appreciated. and i would never suggest to ANYONE getting pregnant. no matter who they are, how old they are, or how much they make. and money doesn't make everything better.
and i know that i don't know everything about being a parent, no parent does. and if you think i'm wrong, then good for you, but i would like it if you didn't be-little me. because that's how i feel right now.

Quoting Rayne Simpson:" i did say that certain things to make a difference, but in the end we all end up going through the same ... [snip!] ... if you think i'm wrong, then good for you, but i would like it if you didn't be-little me. because that's how i feel right now."

Well you need to stop feeling "belittled" because no ones insulting you. What you're getting is good advice, which you need, from people who are further along this path then you are, and know a heck of a lot more from experience. So how about you knock off the "I feel belittled" bit, and take the advice for that it is. A reminder that people are telling you it's going to be hard because it *IS* going to be hard. Stop trying to defend your position by saying these things don't matter. They do.

This is from someone who has seen the difference income and education can make. The difference age can make because of how set up in your life you are. No one is saying you CAN'T be a good parent, but we're saying that burying your head in the sand and pretending like getting pregnant as a teen is such a wonderful thing is just ignorant.

I haven't been mean. I've tried to give you a reality check, because you NEED that to make the best of your situation. Again, I hope everything turns out very well for you, but pretending as if it just will all magically work out and this was the best thing ever just seems naive. A better outlook might be "this is going to be hard as smurf, and if I'd waited a few years until i was better established and a bit more mature it would be easier. However, I'm going to work my ass off and give my kids the best life I can." THAT is realistic. THAT shows maturity and a good grasp of the situation and of the world.

Quoting she nan igans:" Well you need to stop feeling "belittled" because no ones insulting you. What you're getting is good ... [snip!] ... give my kids the best life I can." THAT is realistic. THAT shows maturity and a good grasp of the situation and of the world."

Amen, dude.






And, please, OP.... I know you're doing what you can and keeping a positive attidtude, which is good....



But come back to me in 3 years and tell me that money doesn't matter. Ugh. It sucks, yes, but it does matter.

Quoting The Doctor:" Amen, dude. And, please, OP.... I know you're doing what you can and keeping a positive attidtude, ... [snip!] ... is good.... But come back to me in 3 years and tell me that money doesn't matter. Ugh. It sucks, yes, but it does matter."

It really does. My husband got a new job a little over a year ago that doubled his salary. We weren't even doing "bad" before, but that sort of jump in our income really did change our lives a LOT. I see my sister struggle (two kids very young, no child support from either father) and it's heartbreaking. It's hard all the time, but the difference between her life, where she has to work, do it all on her own, doesn't get to see the kids nearly as much, struggles to pay the bills, and a life where someone gets to stay at home if they want and has no real financial worries is a HUGE difference.

Money makes a difference. It doesn't mean you can't be a great parent without it. It doesn't mean you can't have a great life without it. But saying it doesn't matter just comes across as extraordinarily naive.

Quoting she nan igans:" It really does. My husband got a new job a little over a year ago that doubled his salary. We weren't ... [snip!] ... doesn't mean you can't have a great life without it. But saying it doesn't matter just comes across as extraordinarily naive."

Exactly.

Hell, I make smurf money, and live in an expensive place. I get no CS. The only reason I can (kind of) pay the bills is because I have a boyfriend that we live with, who makes some extra money, working 2 jobs. There were 2 months where he was unemployed and I really thought we were screwed.

Quoting Rayne Simpson:" i never said it works for everyone. i know a lot of girls it didn't work for, but i also know girls ... [snip!] ... or be a better parent for that matter. i'm sorry if i come off as a bitch right there, that is not what i was aiming for. "

There are always exceptions but statistically older mothers struggle a lot less than younger ones do. Age and education level most certainly do make a difference. Age is a measure of life experience and education level typically correlates to better financial outcomes.

Quoting Rayne Simpson:" i did say that certain things to make a difference, but in the end we all end up going through the same ... [snip!] ... if you think i'm wrong, then good for you, but i would like it if you didn't be-little me. because that's how i feel right now."

I agree that we all go through the same steps in growing up. However the older a mother is the less likely she will be in the process of transitioning from an adolescent state of mind to that of an adult while simultaneously learning how to parent.

And money makes a world of difference. It really does.