future stepmom?

the father of my 8 week old son proposed to his gf on the same day that i had my son (he is a major smurf) . i am not jealous of those two but i am just so scared of the fact that my son is going to have a stepmom..i dont want him to think of her as a mom or call her that..its heart wrenching just thinking about it so i am wondering how you ladies dealt with your baby having another mother figure in their life?

How is he an smurf for proposing on a happy day of his life?...

I don't have to deal with the step mom thing, but I probably wouldn't be easy to handle so I have no advice for you. lol

Personally I would want my children to love the person their father remarries and vice versa. It sounds really petty on your part to say that.

I want their dad to find a good decent woman who will LOVE my babies are her own and take care of them as her own and my children to see her a another parent, person of authority to love and respect and trust.

wow sum people got no sympathy.. the guy sounds like a man whore already finding someone while hes got a gal prego and in labor..thats selfish...girl im sorry...my rents split up early in my childhood...all you can do is bite your tounge and hope she isnt an ass to your child and doesnt undermine you...good luck and if you wanna talk further message me...

Quoting Mami Ana:" Personally I would want my children to love the person their father remarries and vice versa. It sounds ... [snip!] ... take care of them as her own and my children to see her a another parent, person of authority to love and respect and trust."

i can see your point but i do not want my son to think of another woman as a mom. of course i want her to treat him good and all but i want to be the only mom that my son has. its a hard thing to deal with so i was asking for advice on how to deal with it not to be told im being petty for wanting to be the only mom for my son.

I am a "stepmom" I hate calling it that. I have to say, I hope for your child's and your sake that she is a decent person. Hopefully you and her can become friends or at least can be on speaking terms. My son's mother and I are like best friends, we talk all the time on the phone. I can say that our relationship is rare and both of have the maturity and understanding to give our son what is best for him. He calls us both mom which was initiated by his mom because I didn't want to overstep any boundaries. I have been around since he was about 5 and he has lived with my husband and I since he was 6. He is an amazing kid and I love him as if he were my own blood. It is hard to share with someone, I know. Your child is your child. As long as she is a great person, think of it as though your child will get even more love this way (totally not implying that you can't give them enough) the more the better right? Good luck. I really hopes it works out for you. By the way..... If she is crazy, I don't know what to tell you.....

Quoting Jessica Fili:" wow sum people got no sympathy.. the guy sounds like a man whore already finding someone while hes got ... [snip!] ... tounge and hope she isnt an ass to your child and doesnt undermine you...good luck and if you wanna talk further message me..."

It is wrong for him to move on... why?

Why are you afraid of that?
I can't really give you advice.
I am a stepmother to a wonderful, intelligent, talented, and gorgeous almost four year old little boy, and I love him just as much as I love my own child.
His mother HATED ME for the first 2 years that DH and I were together.
Now, she realizes that I love him like my own child, and got over the fact.
He doesn't call me mom, and never will. And honestly, I don't want him to. I am NOT his mother.
If they really love each other, they're going to get married, and it's something you'll just have to deal with.

Quoting Kimber-Lily:" How is he an smurf for proposing on a happy day of his life?... I don't have to deal with the step mom thing, but I probably wouldn't be easy to handle so I have no advice for you. lol"

well first of all him proposing on the same day another woman gave birth to his child is just a rude thing to do and taints the birth of his son. you may not see it that way but i do. he was never around for the pregnancy, he has seen his son maybe 7 or 8 times and his son is now 2 months old, he makes up excuses like i have to go run and feed my dogs or i get off at 10pm and i need to go to bed so i cant see him, he says he works all the time so he cant see him but yet he goes to baseball games, the zoo etc., he undermines me of breastfeeding and demands that he gets his son right away overnight while he knows im breastfeeding him and says that its not important (when its fact breastfeeding is the best thing for a baby) and there is much more. he is an smurf trust me

Quoting Kimber-Lily:" It is wrong for him to move on... why? "

instead of trying to find some other chick he should of been being responsible with the woman he got pregnant in the first place im just saying the guy sounds like a looser everyone has the right to love and to move on but seriously if my man up and got me pregnant and then decided to go off and find someone else id be a little pissed off...eventually id come to terms and be happy for him but honestly i come from a broken home and growing up the problems it came with makes me see a bigger picture, and to have a childs life start that way over your own selfishness is stupid. if things arn't going to work between mama and dada thats one thing but figure out the being a dad part first love should come second to the child always! I just think it was an smurf move on his part and if he was busy with some other chick that poor poster went thru her pregnancy being alone, while he was off being happy? its wrong in my eyes you dont have to agree

Quoting Katie Lomax:" well first of all him proposing on the same day another woman gave birth to his child is just a rude ... [snip!] ... its not important (when its fact breastfeeding is the best thing for a baby) and there is much more. he is an smurf trust me"

But your child having a stepmom has nothing to do with that.
And so what if he wants his child overnight? They do make breast pumps, ya know.
Whether you like it or not, he is that child's father.

Your ex sounds like a douche bag! If you dont want your child around his girlfriend/ fiance thats completely understandable. I would be the exact same way! Nobody has a right to judge you for feeling that way.

Quoting Katie Lomax:" well first of all him proposing on the same day another woman gave birth to his child is just a rude ... [snip!] ... its not important (when its fact breastfeeding is the best thing for a baby) and there is much more. he is an smurf trust me"

If he is that much of a jerk... He may not be the best father and she may be good to have around she might make sure your son is taken care of when his father is supposed to be taking care of him, whether that means she is telling him to step up or she helps out....... It will be hard, try to keep a cool head, your child will know who his mother is. Oh and don't take things too personally.. It will all turn out like it is supposed to.

Quoting Mother of Hayward.:" Why are you afraid of that? I can't really give you advice. I am a stepmother to a wonderful, intelligent, ... [snip!] ... NOT his mother. If they really love each other, they're going to get married, and it's something you'll just have to deal with."

I don't care that they are getting married but he is just trying to push her immediately into the picture and i told him that i need time to adjust..it is extremely hard on me and i want to come around and be on non hating terms but it will take time but he just does not respect me and he wants to " show him off to his family (meaning her family) and friends" he talks about my son like hes a prize and it pisses me off. I just hope one day i can relax and not see her as a threat to my motherhood.. (im a first time mother so of course im going to be extremely protective of my son and feel very threatened by another woman stepping into the motherly spot)

Quoting Mother of Hayward.:" But your child having a stepmom has nothing to do with that. And so what if he wants his child overnight? They do make breast pumps, ya know. Whether you like it or not, he is that child's father."

i was just explaining why he's an smurf. and pumping is not the same and nursing, right now i cant go that long without nursing and i cant just pump and pump. that is just how i feel