Breaking the cycle?

Not sure how many other people struggle with something like this.

So, I am striving to raise my child(ren) in a peaceful, nurturing way. I guess you could say I'm an AP parent although I don't follow strict AP guidelines or anything like that. But a lot of the ways I desire to raise my child is like an AP parent would.

So anyways.
My parents were by no means the kind of parents I would like to be. Not saying their smurffy parents or anything, but I would like to approach parenthood differently than they did.

How do you break that cycle??

As a child I was yelled at, spanked, put in time out, ate soap, forced to eat things I did not want to eat, forced to do thing I did not want to do, and I spent part of my childhood a very angry kid. Of course I don't want that for my own child. I want her to trust that I will always be there for her and I want us to have an unbreakable bond, because I do not trust my mother and I do not have a great bond with her, although I would have liked to.

I feel like I'm already doing this all wrong. I have mental health issues (not that that is the greatest excuse for this), and I get overwhelmed and stressed out VERY easily. Especially with my daughter who is 14 months old. I get very impatient with her and I can see some of my parents in the way I react to her some time. I want it to stop. I want to be calm and gentle with her and go about things in a different manner.

But it is so hard  

What do YOU do to parent differently than how you know? Literally every single person in my family and all our family friends parent very similarly to how my parents were. So it feels like this is ingrained in me, like this is how things are done. When she does this, you do this.

No. I don't want that. I KNOW what I should be doing to be the parent I want to be, but when I'm in the moment that something needs to happen (like getting her to stop throwing things at me, etc.) but I react so quickly and I do the opposite of what I know is right (in my mind), then later I regret it  

I feel like I already set us up for the life I don't want us to have.



Anyone else know how I feel? Or am I all jumbled?

TOTALLY know how you feel. My story is like yours as far as parents go and I too struggle with raising my baby in a manner that is NOT like my parents. She's only 5 months old but still, I too have mental health problems and am very impatient. I usually leave the room ( her in crib) and just breathe honestly. Anytime I feel like I'm going to lose it I detach myself. It was SO hard the first few months. I got very bad PPD and had to have my mother in law watch her every day. My DH would take her to another room when she cried because I would lose it. Ugh those were dark times.  . I hope we both can overcome the cycle of abuse!!

I know EXACTLY how you feel. I walk away A LOT. I cry, A LOT. I just remind myself that he is not trying to piss me off, even if it may seem that way and even if he is, he just wants my attention. It's hard. I yell a lot but I'm trying to be better.

Quoting Brittney Ivanov:" TOTALLY know how you feel. My story is like yours as far as parents go and I too struggle with raising ... [snip!] ... room when she cried because I would lose it. Ugh those were dark times.  . I hope we both can overcome the cycle of abuse!!"

I have PPD too. It's been 14 LONG months. I totally know what you're talking about being dark times. I lose my cool so easily...and I hate it  

Quoting Jude the Super Kinkster:" I know EXACTLY how you feel. I walk away A LOT. I cry, A LOT. I just remind myself that he is not trying ... [snip!] ... if it may seem that way and even if he is, he just wants my attention. It's hard. I yell a lot but I'm trying to be better."

Lol I do that same. I feel so bad walking away from her to go scream or cry, because she is always attached to my hip. And while I like it, I think it's part of the problem. Like, I never get a second to breathe because she's always in my arms or right at my feet/right in my face.
Ugh idk. It's hard but I'm glad I'm not alone. I def will try reminding myself that she isn't doing things to try and make me mad!

Yes I struggle with that. My mom was horrible and both abused alcohol and fought around me. Then with my dad is was no discipline and I ran all over him.

My mom now helps with my daughter and it took time to get her to see that I am the parent. She slapped her hand a t 7 months old bc she wasn' watthing her and she turned over a lamp. I was pissed. I don't want to spank. I coslept and I baby wear and am non cio. My lo is 9 months and now very independent. She listens if I say no 99% of the time. If she is crabby and still touches no nos then I distract her attentiotion. I plan to raise her with love and respect and teach not put fear into her.

I'm sorry Momma. I go to therapy and take medication. That alone has helped. Also when she started sleeping 12 hours a night that helped too. Even so, there are many days that I catch myself thinking NO! I will not do that, I will not say that, I WILL be different. But it is so hard. When you've been raised a certain way and don't know much else it's just like a bad habit. That's why parents need to understand that they really can have an impact on their child. Some children will go astray/ be human but at the end of the day I feel it's all up to the parents. If you want to pm me do so at any time! If you have a bad day let me know! If we become good friends smurf ill give you my number. I KNOW what you're going through!!

Not sure how religious you are but the Love Dare did amazing things for my parenting style. I was just in it to save my marriage so double bouns : )

Quoting Mother of Broccoli.:" Lol I do that same. I feel so bad walking away from her to go scream or cry, because she is always attached ... [snip!] ... idk. It's hard but I'm glad I'm not alone. I def will try reminding myself that she isn't doing things to try and make me mad! "

Honestly, I have other people keep him at least every other week to kind of get myself together. I changed my diet to more healthy foods and not a lot of junk and that really helped. Smoking pot helped too.

Well, I was physically and emotionally abused as a child.(by my mom's ex husband) I would never do to my child what was done to me, so there's a start.
All in all, I had (and still have) a great relationship with my mom, but as a teen I hated her. She was always more of a friend than a parent. She would let me go out and drink, get high, smoke, do whatever I wanted pretty much.
I will be a friend to my child, but I'll also make sure that she knows that we are her parents, and she WILL listen to us.
I don't quite know yet what I'm doing with her or my life yet, but I'm just trying to make sure she knows shes loved no matter what. We pretty much take it day by day.

Quoting momma melissa85:" Yes I struggle with that. My mom was horrible and both abused alcohol and fought around me. Then with ... [snip!] ... touches no nos then I distract her attentiotion. I plan to raise her with love and respect and teach not put fear into her."

THIS exactly. This is a major thing for us too. My parents, mostly my dad, scared the smurf out of me when I was a kid. I don't want my baby to fear me   And I know that she does sometimes. I can tell she knows when my mood changes and it breaks my heart knowing that she is scared because her mama is mad  

Quoting Brittney Ivanov:" I'm sorry Momma. I go to therapy and take medication. That alone has helped. Also when she started sleeping ... [snip!] ... If you have a bad day let me know! If we become good friends smurf ill give you my number. I KNOW what you're going through!!"

Lol thank you   That means a lot. I take meds as well and while they do help, I feel like I still have an "edge" that needs to be taken off. Idk.
I'm probably being all blah since she's been sleeping like crap too, and I'm used to her sleeping all night long. I can already tell that I have impact her behavior a lot, and she's still SO young.

Quoting Angela & Austin's Mama  :" Not sure how religious you are but the Love Dare did amazing things for my parenting style. I was just in it to save my marriage so double bouns : )"

I'm on the fence with it. But I will look into it   Thanks!

Quoting Jude the Super Kinkster:" Honestly, I have other people keep him at least every other week to kind of get myself together. I changed ... [snip!] ... myself together. I changed my diet to more healthy foods and not a lot of junk and that really helped. Smoking pot helped too."

I'm in the process of changing my diet and hers too, to less processed crap and more wholesome things. It's just expensive   And yes, weed helps SO much sometimes. I'm so much calmer and patient with her and she's so much happier with me being more patient with her.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Mother of Broccoli.:</b>" THIS exactly. This is a major thing for us too. My parents, mostly my dad, scared the smurf out of me ... [snip!] ... I can tell she knows when my mood changes and it breaks my heart knowing that she is scared because her mama is mad  "</blockquote>



I have an anger issue but for some reason I am very gentle with her. Today she really annoyed me though and was doing nothing wrong. I just asked God to calm my nerves. I am also ADD and bipolar II. I still have trust issues and resentment toward my mother bc she left when I was 7 and came back when I was 19. She is really trying though. She listens now. She even has started being more healthy following my lead. I am not going to deny her relationship with my daughter bc I have issues with her, as long as she obeys my rules with her.


I struggle daily with ppd but I just remember my childhood and pain and anger and I love my lo with all my heart. I pray for patience. Bc sometimes I don't have it