Step moms

Okay, so this is inspired by SEVERAL posts I have been seeing about step moms not loving their children.

Do you think that a step-mom is terrible if she doesn't love her SO's kids like they are her own? NOT meaning she treats them any differently from her biological kids, but she doesn't feel the same connection?

I feel that it is almost ridiculous to expect a stepmom to have the same feelings towards her step-children as she does with her biological children, and I don't understand why some people are so quick to crucify a step-mom even if she isn't mistreating the children or making it appear as though she favors her own blood.

Wdyt? Is it terrible for a step-mom not to love her step-children the same way as she love her own children? Is it terrible to not love them at all, especially if the environment is hostile?

I don't think it's terrible not to love them like your own. but if you don't love them at all, or when you start to show that you don't love them as much I think it's terrible. even subtle things. Because those kids notice, and it hurts them.

I don't think it is terrible at all. I don't think I could love any child as much as I love my own. It's a different kind of love. Even if she doesn't love them, she is not terrible. As long as, as you said, she is not mistreating the children I see no issue.

Quoting Back to Noob Status:" Okay, so this is inspired by SEVERAL posts I have been seeing about step moms not loving their children. ... [snip!] ... the same way as she love her own children? Is it terrible to not love them at all, especially if the environment is hostile?"

I think it's a sad situation, and I think a lot of the time it hurts the kids. I think you can rarely treat the other the same if you don't feel the same. I don't think of them as horrible, unless BEFORE being with the man they basically admit they hate the kid.

But, I was that step-kid and it really sucked. It still does. I don't blame my step-mom but it is NOT fun being the step-kid when it's obvious that the parent doesn't feel the same way about you as they do about your sibling. This is especially true if it's a parent you spend a lot of time with.

However, you can't force feelings. *shrugs*

It's when women complain that they hate or dislike their stepchildren that people get pissy.... I think it's next to impossible to love or have a connection with a child like you do your own when that child is only with you once every other weekend (if that).

I don't think it's horrible to not love them as much or in the same way as your own children but I think when you decide to marry someone who has children you should be taking them in as if they are your family. I don't get people who resent their step children, don't like them, or are mean to them etc. There should be more consideration in a relationship like that, the kids aren't going to go away and shouldn't have to feel like they're being replaced or aren't loved just because their mom/dad has a new partner.

Quoting Ravey Candyass:" I don't think it's terrible not to love them like your own. but if you don't love them at all, or when ... [snip!] ... show that you don't love them as much I think it's terrible. even subtle things. Because those kids notice, and it hurts them."

   Yep, my step mom wont even let me come over to watch my brother go to homecoming because there are too many people at the house. She's always put her children before me... like I can't explain to you how obvious to me it is that I'm not her child. Funny thing is I've known her since I was 3. I've always looked up to her and I've ALWAYS craved for her to love me like my own. Now that I have children, I kinda don't want them to get attatched to her because when her children have children, I don't want to risk my kids seeing the difference. You know?

Quoting Rumpelstiltskin:" It's when women complain that they hate or dislike their stepchildren that people get pissy.... I think ... [snip!] ... or have a connection with a child like you do your own when that child is only with you once every other weekend (if that). "

Yep. Not feeling the same is one thing, but to hate or dislike a child? That child didn't make you marry their parent. They didn't ask you to join the family. . . THAT bugs me, because often it's really anger at the parent having had a life before that step-mom thats the real problem. It's resentment at what the child represents, and I feel like it's unfair to put that on a kid.

Quoting Rumpelstiltskin:" It's when women complain that they hate or dislike their stepchildren that people get pissy.... I think ... [snip!] ... or have a connection with a child like you do your own when that child is only with you once every other weekend (if that). "

Oh yeah. That craps pisses me off.

I will say that I knew my step-mothers never loved me when my dad was married to them. His second wife and I fought constantly, but she was crazy. My dad's third wife was fake. She would be very friendly to my face and talk loads of smurf behind my back. When she and her 3 daughters moved in, I was 17. Her then 13 year old was allowed to have boys spend the night, while I still had to follow my dad's rules. I wasn't hurt that we had different set of rules to follow, just irritated.

I can see how this kind of behavior would hurt a younger child, but as a teenager I had more pressing matters.  

Quoting Commander Shepard:" I will say that I knew my step-mothers never loved me when my dad was married to them. His second wife ... [snip!] ... irritated. I can see how this kind of behavior would hurt a younger child, but as a teenager I had more pressing matters.  "

I was a teenager when my dad remarried, but his wife hates all four of us. it's very noticable when her children are allowed to do all types of things. she hides food from my sisters and it's only for her daughter. she goes through my sisters' rooms and takes things for her daughter.

so even though it didnt affect you as a teen, it does to some teens.

Quoting Ravey Candyass:" I was a teenager when my dad remarried, but his wife hates all four of us. it's very noticable when ... [snip!] ... my sisters' rooms and takes things for her daughter. so even though it didnt affect you as a teen, it does to some teens."

I never had to go through anything like that.   Yes, I see where you are coming from.

Quoting Commander Shepard:" I never had to go through anything like that.   Yes, I see where you are coming from."

my stepmother is a child. I got lucky and got out by 17, but she still does things that hurt me to this day, and I live 500 iles away. I just don't understand how people can be so hateful towards children. especially if you "love" their father so much.

I dont see why people marry their SO's when their SO obviously can't stand their child. I think you should love that child/ren as close to your own as you can. There are some woman that have admitted on BG they hate their step children and it's disgusting. I do not know how woman/men put up with their children being treated unequally.

Quoting FroggysMommy:" I dont see why people marry their SO's when their SO obviously can't stand their child. I think you should ... [snip!] ... hate their step children and it's disgusting. I do not know how woman/men put up with their children being treated unequally."

Exactly. Why would you even want to be with someone if you aren't going to accept their children? I would never stay with someone who said they hated my LO.