"I cannot handle being a mother anymore" D&D

This isn't really a debate, but rather a discussion.

I was reading this, and judging by the overwhelming responses to this, I figured it would make good conversation. My post isn't exactly derived from her blog, but it got me thinking about my own motherhood.

http://vomitcomit.wordpress.com/2007/03/26/i-cannot-handle-being-a-mother-anymore/

Truth be told, I am an excellent provider. I have been a single mother for years, and have truly mastered the art of providing for my children. I own my systems, and run a tight ship 'round these parts. It's something I am truly proud of.

Now here's the ugly: I don't thoroughly enjoy being a mother. I don't hate it, nor do I see my little boogers as a burden, but I don't have those mushy, gushy, 'mom' feelings most women expect to be instilled in them. In fact sometimes I feel *gasp* jipped in that sense.

I have been a mom for 9 years now. This part of motherhood has escaped me. Sometimes, as the author stated, I DO want to get in my car and keep driving after work. Never in a million years would I EVER leave these children. The fact remains however, being a mom doesn't simply thrill me.

It could be a variety of factors. It could be that I have been holding the fort down solo for so many years. It could be the things left undone due to becoming a mom when I was a kid myself. ( One of the BIGGEST reasons teenage pregnancy strikes as a no-no to me). Perhaps it's because my son is on the autism spectrum, and most days our lives take flight on a crazy rocket to an outerspace of chaos and stress. It could simply be that at 9 and 3 years old, these are the gimme gimme years, and it's a lot of 'thankless' work so to speak.( You'll never see me follow that statement with ' but I get paid in kisses' I might add).

That being said, I wanted to have this conversation to see how truly common this is. As I said before, these kids are mine. I owe them the absolute best life possible, and I LOVE them. But I don't find motherhood as awesome as I believe others perceive their lives to be.

*prepares for stoning*

As always, let's keep it nice.

She sounds pretty honest to me, nothing wrong with that.

I sometimes have an overwhelming moment, but motherhood is as I anticipated and I truly love being mommy. It is the single best thing that has ever happened to me. I've never had a thought about leaving, I have however thought I needed a night out!

I dont know. I love being a mom. I love cooking for them or shopping for them. I love teaching them and seeing them grow.

I do hate the fighting, tattling, crying, screaming, smart mouths, unneccessary messes, and all the rowdiness (I am a calm person until you get me mad).

Being a mom is something I always wanted. I have 4 kids and I love them to the moon and back.

I can't really say anything because my LO isn't here yet.
But at this point, I feel like it's the best thing I've done in my entire life.

Being a mom, I can imagine, is tough. Period. But being a SINGLE mom...holy crap.

I honestly yo-yo between both extremes. I'm a single mom of a 6 year old and a 7 month old. And I have moments where I absolutely looooooove being mommy. The smiles on my kids faces melt my heart. When my son wants kisses from me or snuggles up with me, I can't help but smile. When my daughter makes a new discovery, learns how to do something new, or just smiles at me, it makes everything worth it. I definitely get those mushy, heart melting mommy feelings constantly. And as a kid, I knew I wanted to be a mommy. I used to breast feed my dolls in the privacy of my bedroom.  

But I have times where I fervently WISH I could just go back to the simpler days of being childless. I could go out with my friends when they invite me. I'd have the money to take road trips whenever I wanted to. I could go out to eat if I felt like it, stay out til 3am if I wanted, get completely stupid drunk, and I wouldn't have to be up at 6am the next morning with two kids needing breakfast. Oh how I long for that financial freedom and that freedom from responsibility some days. It doesn't mean that I love my kids any less. They are my world and I work my ass off to give them everything they deserve. I wouldn't dream of giving them anything less. But there are definitely times where I question whether I can handle it anymore.

I think because you have to be the provider, you don't get to spend as much time just being a fun mommy. You have to do everything for your kids. I am having a hard time with my son and not giving my daughter (  enough attention so when my husband has off work, I will go eat lunch with her at school or on the weekend go see a movie we both want to see. Sometimes we will also do nails, spa day with a peel-off mask to build that bond up again. It's hard but it's kinda like marriage lol got to work at the bond with your kids. Maybe that will help if you get to do stuff like I mentioned.

Ok, I see where you went with this. How about another viewpoint.
I absolutely love my children. I couldn't imagine not being with them every single day. I love seeing them learn new things and seeing the smiles on their faces over the silliest things.
The flipside...I couldn't tell you how many times I've gotten in the car for just a little me time (running to the store for something stupid) and drove in the completely wrong direction with a strong urge to keep going as far as I could. (if this happened on bad days I'd get it but it doesn't always)
And I'm a stay at home mom so I don't have the 'supported and held down the fort alone" reason.
Everyone expresses differently and feels love their own way.

There are days of drudgery. 3 1/2 years, and I have worked and gone to school and done it all with little to no help, even though I've been married the whole time.

But it is motherhood that I am enamored with...it is that child... It is school and work and marriage that test me in that way.

I have never had a moment where I didn't want to be his mom. Just moments where I wished his needs were not so urgent in that moment. I don't think this makes me a saint. I just know that I am better off for having him.

Quoting Amanda Contento:" I think because you have to be the provider, you don't get to spend as much time just being a fun mommy. ... [snip!] ... kinda like marriage lol got to work at the bond with your kids. Maybe that will help if you get to do stuff like I mentioned."

We do fun stuff. For sure. I do think I hide what is going on internally pretty well.

I am just not that nurturing woman. My entire family is in the medical field. I would die. I don't even like people to touch me sometimes, let alone touch other people.

I still offer up all the hugs, kisses and snuggle time I can for them, but truth be told I don't always like it. Maybe half the time. Sometimes not at all.

I've always asked myself, does this make me a bad mom? Or a great mom for pushing through these obstacles?

My son is the same way. For a lack of better terms he is like a cat. He comes to me when he wants to be held, cuddled, etc. I don't push it. Often times he doesn't want it at all which I imagine is due to his sensory issues.

when you do offer hugs tell them why you love them so much, give yourself a chance to feel the love back from them. When I hug my daughter I hug her for what seems like 10 minutes no lie. I squeeze her tight and tell her I love her so much. I have a hard time and when my son cries when I put him down I feel like a terrible mom because I am just like SHUT UP KID lol. Doesn't make us bad parents just makes us human lol

Quoting Amanda Contento:" when you do offer hugs tell them why you love them so much, give yourself a chance to feel the love back ... [snip!] ... him down I feel like a terrible mom because I am just like SHUT UP KID lol. Doesn't make us bad parents just makes us human lol"

Absolutely, As I said it's a strange thing I've never really grasped as a mother. I love these kids. I tell them that every day. I just don't beam about being a mother. It just hasn't come natural to me.

Quoting Turd Ferguson:" My son is the same way. For a lack of better terms he is like a cat. He comes to me when he wants to ... [snip!] ... to be held, cuddled, etc. I don't push it. Often times he doesn't want it at all which I imagine is due to his sensory issues."

My son does this too. He comes when he wants it but I don't push it because he pushes away if I do. And a lot of times he just doesn't want it.