The worst choice i could have ever made.

Is there a light at the end of the tunnel? Someone please help me.

I went to accident and emergency in January of this year with severe pains in my abdomen. I was told I was pregnant. My whole world shut down. I felt alone. I was kept in hospital for a period of 4 days due to complications with my health (I'm diabetic type 1). My kidneys were beginning to fail. I wanted my baby and still can't forgive myself to this day for the termination.

There is a clinic called The Brook I went there for advice, the woman didn't help 'its going to be hard to book the termination because its a busy time of year, everyone goes to partys at Christmas and gets pregnant after a one night stand'.

I was in a stable relationship of 4 years with my boyfriend, by the woman saying that made me feel 10 times worse.

I had the termination on February 2nd, 8 months after and im still in emotional and mental pain. I can't forgive myself, even though I would have probably died and the baby wouldn't of had a mummy.

I am suffering with depression and can't help but feel empty inside wondering what my little angel would have looked like.
My university degree is in jeopardy, I have ruined my life  

You did what you had to do to save your life and that is okay. You even said you probably would have died and left her without a mom. Don't be so hard on yourself.

Aww, honey I can't pretend like I know what you are going through. But I can say that you made the best decision possible regaurding to your health. With your medical issues you & the baby could have both died. You had to do what you had to do to keep healthy. It hurts my heart to think that you wanted your baby that badly & couldn't keep him/her. You are strong to have made the decision you made. I'm so sorry for all that you have been going through & I pray you will be comforted. If you need anyone to talk to I will listen, just PT me.

I'm so sorry.   Is there any way to seek professional help? A counselor or therapist?

In my heart I know I would have been too ill, but sitting in the waiting room at the hospital before the termination and the women there sat smiling and doing hair and make up like nothing was about to happen, and then there's me crying my eyes out.

I can't forgive myself
:-(

I have an appointment next week with a counsellor, I just find it hard to talk about without having a breakdown

Counseling is the only thing that helped me after mine. I know those feelings very well. It's been almost 7 years since my first one and the thought of it still feels like it could kill me if I let it.

All I can say is that it will get better. I promise you it will. Stay strong.

*hugs*

I try to stay positive but even just seeing another woman pregnant really gets to me. I just want to be happy again  

Also, after the abortion I had to have an injection to stop my body killing any future pregnancys I may have and to stop misscarriage, still born, cot death so that worries me more  

It's like a never ending circle ugh.

I've just been suspended from university too because after the termination they only gave me 2 days to recover from it and quite obviously that Isnt long enough. :-(

If it isn't one thing its something else reminding me of my angel

Quoting airblittusub:" I try to stay positive but even just seeing another woman pregnant really gets to me. I just want to ... [snip!] ... from it and quite obviously that Isnt long enough. :-( If it isn't one thing its something else reminding me of my angel"

You gotta find a way to heal mama. I know what you went thru was a huge deal but you can't let it consume you. Life goes on.

Thankyou for your kind words of support *hug* hopefully the counselling will help x

Quoting airblittusub:" Thankyou for your kind words of support *hug* hopefully the counselling will help x"

Best of luck to you on your journey mama <3