re: DH crossed the line?

Honestly? I tend to agree that it sounds like "rough play" rather then an attempt at abuse. Of course, without her agreeing to it is a form of abuse, but I don't think that's his intention. It seems like it starts as a game, which makes me wonder if he perhaps WANTS to explore that (possibly more now due to his lack of control given the OP's actions) and that's what it's about. It's not right, and it needs to be addressed and stopped, but understanding WHY it is happening helps you figure out what to do.

OP, clearly your actions are hurting him, a LOT. Your actions are emotionally abusing him, because you're cheating on him at this point. You both agreed to allow something, but that something turned into somthing neither of you thought it would which it now threatening your marriage. It needs to end, or the marriage needs to end. With the way I'd guess he's feeling, it's likely to just get worse. I am not excusing his actions AT ALL, but recognizing WHY he is acting this way lets you figure out what YOU want to do and need to do. If you keep seeing this guy, things are going to get worse. Even if you stop they might, because I suspect your husband is feeling a total lack of control in the relationship. Like he has no say in anything, even who you're sleeping with.

He crossed a line, no doubt about that. So now you have options. End this other relationship and try counseling to deal with his obvious anger and pain over what you're doing, or end the marriage.

you both crossed the line but the fact your still seeing the guy he asked you to cut ties with and you gave him a std . i see why hes so angry but doesnt give him a right to put his hands on you, rough housing doesnt include puttin ghis hands on your throat!
your stringing your hubby around dont stay with him bc of $ & the kids. You need to get your smurf together, your whole situation is a mess.
you two should go to counceling .
Do you know what you want?

Quoting Stacey30:" "

So tell him to stop? Leave? Go to counseling?

Quoting Jas ♥:" So tell him to stop? Leave? Go to counseling?"

I did tell him I didn't want him doing that again. He laughed and said he was just playing. We have been to counseling a few years ago for same issues, obviously didn't work.

Quoting Stacey30:" I did tell him I didn't want him doing that again. He laughed and said he was just playing. We have been to counseling a few years ago for same issues, obviously didn't work."

Well there's only so much you two can do. Neither one of you can continue living like this forever, something has go to give. You already admitted you were holding on for financial reasons so its time to learn how to take care of yourself. You obviously don't want to be with him...

Quoting Stacey30:" "

well thats good you know all these thing most dont. i understand your concered but you need to sit down and tlak to him maybe you two should go to counceling it wil help you talk toeach other and see each others perspective. You need to knwo why he is doing that? yah you may know your not the best you can be right now but what he is doing isnt healty and im sure the councler will say the same. you could each have your own coucling apt.
or separte for a while

Quoting Stacey30:" I did tell him I didn't want him doing that again. He laughed and said he was just playing. We have been to counseling a few years ago for same issues, obviously didn't work."

It's more then counseling. Can you be happy? You seem to resent the fact that you got married young. Can you let that go? Because you'll need to. You'll need to accept that you got married young, and you didn't experience certain thigns. If you can't get over that, then you need to leave. I'm not trying to be mean, but you just can't expect a relationship to work when you seem to want things you simply can't have being married to him. It's causing you BOTH stress and pain. So you have to be really honest with yourself. Is this marriage enough for you? Is being married to him enough for you? If it isn't, you're doing neither of you a favor by sticking around. You end up resenting him, and he ends up hurt .