I think he started selling weed, WWYD?

Okay it's not just the possibility of him selling weed illegally, but if you care to catch up on all the details feel free to read some of my past posts. We have been seeing each other the same for a while and today just added another con to my list. 10 years is hard to say goodbye to or to even say I need a break, but damn he woke up at 230 pm today after being up all night playing xbox after he got high, which is an every night ritual now. He gets up and is in a bad mood and this evening his nephew who is 17 comes over and I know he gave/sold him weed because I came in the house (me and the kids were outside) and it wreaked. I am just at a loss. 30 years old, no motivation, negative attitude about so much stuff, jealous, etc. I just don't know how much more I can put up with. It's just been going on for so long now; it's the norm and that's bad because this is not the life I want for myself or my boys. I know I am part to blame because I have allowed this to happen (smoking, sleeping in, staying playing xbox) because I dont say too much when it's happening, but when he asks me why I am in a bad mood, or what can he do to make things better I tell him and yet no change.

Honestly, WWYD?

I think I want to tell him I can't do this anymore and when I can afford it move out, but for now I won't disrupt our kids life's. I am so mad about other things too, I am not in school this semester because he told me he wouldn't watch the boys, WTF? My last pre req before I can apply to nursing school.

I'd want to leave that situation.
You said it all. 30 years old no ambition?
Don't you kind of feel like you may be settling?

My SO was the same way at the beginning of my pregnancy, even took off to a friends house for a week to get high all the time and "chill", while I was working 40 hours a week with severe morning sickness. I sat him down and explained to him that if he didn't quit, I'd be gone and the baby would be gone with me. He shrugged it off and didn't say much back, but I let him know straight up, "Look, I have a full time job, my own car, my own everything. What do you have? Nothing. This family could work out and be something, it's your decision if you want to be a part of it." He sobered up, got a job, and started providing for me and our child. You can't force someone to change, they have to WANT to. Is my SO perfect? No, but I do appreciate him leaving his old bad habits in the past so we could have a future. I would just sit him down and talk to him about it, if he doesn't care, leave. You deserve so much more than that.

Quoting Juhsteen:" Okay it's not just the possibility of him selling weed illegally, but if you care to catch up on all ... [snip!] ... school this semester because he told me he wouldn't watch the boys, WTF? My last pre req before I can apply to nursing school."

Snatch all his weed and send it to me! lol J/K

Honestly, if he has no ambition or motivation by this age, he probably never will. Time for you to cut bait and get your life straight without him in it. Dead weight is dead weight.

Quoting K. P. Walsh:" I'd want to leave that situation. You said it all. 30 years old no ambition? Don't you kind of feel like you may be settling?"

I absolutely feel like I would be settling at this point, it's just so scary and hard to walk away from 10 years and I know he is a good guy, but very stubborn. I just don't know what to say anymore or do. He wants me to be his motivation I guess or pat him on the back say things will be alright, but smurf where is my assurance. Instead of depending on my fiance to help me pay a car payment or a little extra cash for anything, I have to , we have to ask his parents! I can't to do that. I am 28 in Dec and want to be an RN, not living off other people.

30 years old with no ambition and no motivation? Leave, he is a grown man and probably won't get his smurf together.

And smurf that, he is selling weed in your home. What happens if he gets caught, you could get implicated and there goes your kids.

Quoting breathingchaos:" My SO was the same way at the beginning of my pregnancy, even took off to a friends house for a week ... [snip!] ... a future. I would just sit him down and talk to him about it, if he doesn't care, leave. You deserve so much more than that."

After I had our first son I told him I wanted him to quit and he did for about 7 months or so and then out of no where started back up, I found it in his car one day. I told him again and I believe he had been hiding it for awhile and then just didn't care that I knew, and I stuck around so there is where I am at fault.

Quoting Mami Ana:" 30 years old with no ambition and no motivation? Leave, he is a grown man and probably won't get his ... [snip!] ... smurf that, he is selling weed in your home. What happens if he gets caught, you could get implicated and there goes your kids."

BINGO!!!

Quoting Mami Ana:" 30 years old with no ambition and no motivation? Leave, he is a grown man and probably won't get his ... [snip!] ... smurf that, he is selling weed in your home. What happens if he gets caught, you could get implicated and there goes your kids."

I know, and I just told his mom because we talk all the time about how things need to change and he and I are always so unhappy with each other. I tell her why I am and said just the other day, if I found out he was selling weed I am done. I will not get my kids taken away from me for his childish bullsmurf. He needs to get a real job. He has been a SAHD for 4 years and is now in this comfort zone, but it's gotten way to comfortable and it's not okay.

Quoting Not tellin:" Snatch all his weed and send it to me! lol J/K Honestly, if he has no ambition or motivation by this ... [snip!] ... he probably never will. Time for you to cut bait and get your life straight without him in it. Dead weight is dead weight. "

I agree, but I wouldn't be able to physically leave until I could provide for me and the boys. I just got laid off from a temporary job with my county. I was making such good money and they worked around my school schedule. I am just trying to start fresh now. I want a fresh start for all of us and have literally told him that in those words and no change.

Quoting Juhsteen:" I know, and I just told his mom because we talk all the time about how things need to change and he ... [snip!] ... real job. He has been a SAHD for 4 years and is now in this comfort zone, but it's gotten way to comfortable and it's not okay."

There is nothing wrong with being a SAHD, the problem is the weed. He likely won't get a real job until he kicks that habit. People laugh when I say that it can be addicting. To a person with an addictive personality, it is. It is something that they could even need a treatment program to a degree for. It is not physical as much as it is psychological. It is not like he will need to detox in a padded room or anything.

Quoting Juhsteen:" I know, and I just told his mom because we talk all the time about how things need to change and he ... [snip!] ... real job. He has been a SAHD for 4 years and is now in this comfort zone, but it's gotten way to comfortable and it's not okay."

If you are so adamant about not losing your kids, you wouldn't even be questioning yourself right now. You'd be packing your things or kicking his smurf out.

honestly...i would want to leave. 10 yrs is a long time and id would be hard as hell to let go. but yo have to do whats best for you and your kids. dont settle for any reason. im not a smoker...my SO is. it drives me up the wall...i hate it soo much. he has cut back and he doesnt do it at our house or in our car. and he dont sell it either. i have threatened to leave him over before it...which is why he has cut back. he is suppose to quit though. good luck

Quoting Juhsteen:" I agree, but I wouldn't be able to physically leave until I could provide for me and the boys. I just ... [snip!] ... trying to start fresh now. I want a fresh start for all of us and have literally told him that in those words and no change."

Go to a temp agency. They can keep you working and even help you gain full time employment. You will have to figure out how to work school into it BUT, leaving before he gets caught by the law should be your first priority. Go see about assistance for housing, ask a family member or friend if you can move in with them. There are ways out. They might not be ideal but there are always ways. Anything is better than having your kids taken from you because of him and his problems.

Quoting Not tellin:" There is nothing wrong with being a SAHD, the problem is the weed. He likely won't get a real job until ... [snip!] ... for. It is not physical as much as it is psychological. It is not like he will need to detox in a padded room or anything."

I have told him about positions that I thought would be great for him, even made him some really good resumes and he says "I can't apply for those" I ask why and he says "because they test"...Hello, quit smoking!