re: I think he started selling weed, WWYD?

Quoting Juhsteen:" I have told him about positions that I thought would be great for him, even made him some really good ... [snip!] ... some really good resumes and he says "I can't apply for those" I ask why and he says "because they test"...Hello, quit smoking!"

He won't. Why should he? He has nothing to lose by continuing.

Quoting Mami Ana:" If you are so adamant about not losing your kids, you wouldn't even be questioning yourself right now. You'd be packing your things or kicking his smurf out."

I am not questioning myself about losing my kids; I just don't know what to do or how to tell him I can't deal anymore. I just suspect he is as his nephew came tonight, but it's my last straw, trust that! I need to find the balls to just say it, ya' know?

Quoting Not tellin:" He won't. Why should he? He has nothing to lose by continuing."

He will surely lose me, it's just a matter of time. I feel like a bottle about to explode. I guess I keep trying to make it work and hope that one day he will just wake up and say enough is enough and that his family is his priority and providing and such, but it hasn't happened yet. I just know that guy he can be and what his good qualities are and it's hard to just let this relationship go over some bullsmurf that can be fixed so easily. And he says he can quit any time and he is not addicted. So, I am assuming he just doesn't give a rats ass about how he is affecting his loved ones because he has also promised his mother many of times and failed.

Quoting Juhsteen:" He will surely lose me, it's just a matter of time. I feel like a bottle about to explode. I guess I ... [snip!] ... give a rats ass about how he is affecting his loved ones because he has also promised his mother many of times and failed."

You make alot of empty threats. You said you would leave how many times and you are still there? Nothing to lose. he doesn't think you will actually leave.

Perhaps you should just get up and go. OR you can pack up his things and send him on his way. Probably easier that way since you will retain custody of the kids and moving all that crap will be difficult.

Quoting Not tellin:" You make alot of empty threats. You said you would leave how many times and you are still there? Nothing ... [snip!] ... him on his way. Probably easier that way since you will retain custody of the kids and moving all that crap will be difficult."

This is true. I know I am part of enabling him. I have never had to deal with this before so I know what I want but not how to make it happen or getting it out nice and clear so he knows I mean business. But you are right I have said many times that these things bother, but I actually have never said to stop or I will leave. I have only told him that these things bother me and to make our relationship better we need to improve in these areas, but yet nothing and I know in my heart I can't keep going like this but it's letting him know that's the hard part.

Quoting Juhsteen:" This is true. I know I am part of enabling him. I have never had to deal with this before so I know ... [snip!] ... areas, but yet nothing and I know in my heart I can't keep going like this but it's letting him know that's the hard part."

Well, you either have to do it or stay in the smurf situation with your kids. The hard part should be the fear of losing your children because he makes a mistake and gets caught. The hard part should be worrying if your child finds his stash and gets cozy with it. It is eaiser to walk than to drown in the mess

<blockquote><b>Quoting Juhsteen:</b>" I know, and I just told his mom because we talk all the time about how things need to change and he ... [snip!] ... real job. He has been a SAHD for 4 years and is now in this comfort zone, but it's gotten way to comfortable and it's not okay."</blockquote>

So he is a stay at home dad, but won't watch the kids to let you finish your education?
You need to leave, even just for a little while to let him know you are serious. Hopefully he will get his smurf together.
If he doesn't, you and your boys are better off without him.
It might be hard, but think of what your kids are seeing everyday and learning from him. They will start thiking that what he does is okay! You dont want that.
Good luck, and stay strong.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Juhsteen:</b>" I know, and I just told his mom because we talk all the time about how things need to change and he ... [snip!] ... real job. He has been a SAHD for 4 years and is now in this comfort zone, but it's gotten way to comfortable and it's not okay."</blockquote>

So he is a stay at home dad, but won't watch the kids to let you finish your education?
You need to leave, even just for a little while to let him know you are serious. Hopefully he will get his smurf together.
If he doesn't, you and your boys are better off without him.
It might be hard, but think of what your kids are seeing everyday and learning from him. They will start thiking that what he does is okay! You dont want that.
Good luck, and stay strong.

Quoting K. P. Walsh:" I'd want to leave that situation. You said it all. 30 years old no ambition? Don't you kind of feel like you may be settling?"

Agree with her.

Quoting Kelly-Ann Louise:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Juhsteen:</b>" I know, and I just told his mom because we ... [snip!] ... and learning from him. They will start thiking that what he does is okay! You dont want that. Good luck, and stay strong."

He isn't a SAHD right now, but was up until May this year. and since me being laid off he hasn't tried the slightest to get cleaned up and look for a job. I think he is in a comfort zone because he has been home for 4 years. He has watched them while I work and go to school but it seems like since May he hasn't tried at all and our relationship has gone to smurf.