PPD issues

I'm not going to hide my identity. I really need help. My PPD is getting out of control. I'm a SAHM and my DD is 5 months old. I just don't know what to do anymore. I just want to give up. I'm so tired of taking care of a baby with very minimal help from my fiance both night and day. I barely want anything to do with her now. She's such a blessing and I DO love her with all my heart, but it almost just tears me apart to be around her. When she's crying (which is all the time), in my head I just want to scream at her; just do anything to get her to stop. I really don't want to hurt my baby. I'm so scared that if I can't find a job soon that it will get to that point. I've spent so much time since her birth trying to kick these feelings on my own. I just can't do it anymore. What steps do I need to take to get help? I have no insurance, so I can't go really expensive therapy session routes. Thanks in advance, ladies. Please don't bash be. I'm sure we all get down and think things we're not proud of, right?

Girl, I know EXACTLY how you feel. After I had my fifth baby (about three months ago), the first few weeks were hard. The hubby works night shifts so he sleeps during the day and I was alone for the most part and believe me, thoughts were going through my head too and I don't hurt/spank my kids. I just let them cry it out. It was hard for me because I had a cesarean section and a five year old, a four year old and at the time I had 11 month old twins that always wanted my attention. I just let it ride though. I did have bad thoughts about harming myself when I got no help but I just bottled everything up until I exploded at my husband. We fought a lot after I had our last daughter. Maybe you could journal everything down or have a family member there to help you out. Men are sometimes just downright lazy. I still do everything on my own, get them up in the A.M, feed them, bathe them....hubby just sleeps, eats, smurfs and goes to work. Nice life, I know. But maybe venting will help you  

Call your OB and they will get you a prescription. I am on prozac for PPD and it was they best thing I did.

I wasn't better right away, but after a couple of weeks I could look back and see I was so much better

First, don't feel alone. There are many many women who have the same feelings you are having. Do you have an OB? If so try and call to see if they have any resources. If you are on any type of program like WIC then call them and see if they have anyone you could call. I realize you don't have insurance, and I don't know what the rules are where you live, but you should be able to get help for free. In the meantime- try to get out of the house. Maybe find other Moms with babies in a similar age group or women who have older kids- so that you can find someone to relate to. It does sound like it could be PPD, but in the meantime before anything serious happens, do your best to know that it is not your fault and that you aren't the only one. You have done a great job so far and I'm sure that you love your LO dearly. Try to talk to someone soon though.

You are only 21, you can possibly qualify for state medicaid. PPD is very, very serious, and you need professional help. I'd give JFS a call and see if you can qualify for it.

Thanks for your suggestions. I think I might call my OB. I've tried venting. It's really done nothing but slowly get worse.

Maybe you need a break from the baby? Sometimes that will help. Just to have a night or two alone. Try talkin to your other half too about helping more.

i went through the exact same thing.
is there ANYONE at all that can take her maybe for an overnight? i mean that's not going to help your PPD get better, but it will give you a chance to be to yourself and focus on your own needs for a bit.
were you on medicaid? i know in some places (SC for instance), you can get medicaid if you have a child and don't have a job and are not married. since you are not married yet, you might be able to qualify for it. i think i'd definitely check into that.

i felt like a horrible mother... i still don't always feel like the best. i had a c-section and i didn't breastfeed (because of medicines i knew i'd be on) and so i don't feel like i got to bond properly with her, mostly because of the c-section. it was surreal for me... literally one minute i had a life inside of me, moving me, and the next minute she was gone. she was gone, but she was right beside me. i had an awful time connecting to her. i loved her immediately, but she didn't seem like she was mine. alot of places have mental health clinics that are income based. they are usually a pain in the ass to go through, but it's something.

If you're feeling out of control-enough so you feel like you could/want to hurt LO, go to the ER.
If you are okay for the time being, give your OB a call, she can/will call you in a script for meds.
When I had PPD with my 2nd, I called my doctor and by the next day I was on Zoloft, within two weeks I could notice a HUGE difference.
You don't have to suffer with this, there is so much that can be done for you.
Good luck!

Quoting Complete With 2!:" If you're feeling out of control-enough so you feel like you could/want to hurt LO, go to the ER. If ... [snip!] ... I could notice a HUGE difference. You don't have to suffer with this, there is so much that can be done for you. Good luck!"

i have zoloft also. i absolutely love it.

Quoting K.MarieAnnette:" i have zoloft also. i absolutely love it."

I stopped taking it a couple months ago-DD is 10 months old now but it helped me so much.

Quoting K.MarieAnnette:" i went through the exact same thing. is there ANYONE at all that can take her maybe for an overnight? ... [snip!] ... places have mental health clinics that are income based. they are usually a pain in the ass to go through, but it's something."

That's how I feel. Like I just completely suck at being a mother. I mean, I think about hurting her and myself every day. Then I hate myself for thinking those thoughts. My fiance just says "every woman feels this way, you're okay." The fact of the matter is I'm NOT okay. I know I'm not. It's not normal. He works, goes to school, is in a band.... I stay at home all day, every day and take care of her every night. My family is broken up. My mom and her husband are both injured and mom is having hip surgery on the 18th. My granny makes me feel like complete smurf when I have her watch Emma for a night. And my nana is too old to watch DD by herself. Plus my grandfather is a sick man and I don't trust him around her alone. My dad is out of the picture. Zach's dad works a lot and his mom is still a huge party animal.. I have no one. I do feel alone. I hate myself, my life, and my thought process. My life has been anything but normal. I don't know why I thought having DD would change it or make it any better. Not when everyone in my family is against helping me, or too hurt to watch her.

I know it sounds odd but you can try taking benadrly for now. With my cancer that's what they give cancer patients for aniexity and such. And to be honest it really does work. Most people don't realize most of the anti sepression meds are core benadryl anyhow but they are.

I take celexa now for my PPD. its pretty cheap and i don't have insurance right now either. I go to a clinic herde in town that works on a sliding scale. so if you make no moeny you don't pay or they will take payments eventually. most places have them.

I didn't want to be on anti depression meds. Because at first I thought everything would go away. But the day came that I snapped and layed in my room while Scout was crying and i couldn't find the will to get up....I just layed there praying my heart would stop. I had a ton of stress and no help either. Luckily I finally rolled over and called my doc and the nurse. And I was lucky because the Nurse that took care of me during my pregnancy and I had become good friends. And although i didn't know her much outside of my appts she came and helped me that day. I got a shower and something to eat without having to stress about the baby every moment of my day. it changed my world. One moment.

its hard and no one will judge you. we have all been there.....EVERYONE has. Even the ones that say they never get there....we all do. I hope you get the help you need and get better soon.

And don't type on your phone it will look like you are unable to spell a damn thing. So sorry. ugh.

I tried calling my OB. They're no longer accepting "new patients". I insisted it was an emergency and that I went there before during my pregnancy and they said "sorry, there's nothing we can do". Now I don't know what to do. I go to a therapist for my PNES, but it costs 115 bucks a visit. My next visit isn't until November. I don't think I can wait that long. I don't have a regular doctor, so now I don't know where to go. Anyone else run into this problem?