re: I cheated on my army husband of 10 years

Quoting Kaysay:" Statistically, you are way more likely to end up with someone who will cheat. Cheating is one of those things that is SO unaccepted by society but yet it happens SO often."

Hence why I'm single.  

I think it is SO smurfing sad that cheating is the norm. Or maybe we humans weren't meant to be monogamous, but that is for another thread.

Quoting Back to Noob Status:" Hence why I'm single.   I think it is SO smurfing sad that cheating is the norm. Or maybe we humans weren't meant to be monogamous, but that is for another thread."

And THAT'S the real "problem". That's what people don't really understand, but again, that's another thread.  

Quoting Back to Noob Status:" Healthy relationships don't involve lying and cheating. And then there is the issue of diseases and ... [snip!] ... worry about. If I had been cheated on, I would want to know so that I could find someone who wouldn't cheat in the first place."

I agree with you . My SO would want to know everything, even if I were just to kiss another man and vice versa. I would want to know. The moment you touch someone else in that way is the moment you ruin your relationship. Personally my conscious would never even let me cheat without thinking of my SO and kids first, even if it were only for 5 seconds. but blah, that's just me I guess.

Quoting Mrs. Post-tato Head™:" That's obviously a different situation than what OP is talking about. She has not cheated over and over again and isn't planning to cheat anymore. "

She said it was an affair, yes? Doesn't affair usually imply more than once?

Quoting MommaSav2:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Kenzie +€ @m¤:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting MommaSav2:</b>" ... [snip!] ... to be with. Cheating is such bullsmurf. People should respect their partners enough not to do it. Not cheating is really easy."

If you are at an unhappy time in you marriage, not cheating can be hard. When you haven't seen your husband in 6 months and you have another man telling you how beautiful you are, how charming you are, how much they want you, you sometimes cave to the attention.

I cheated on my husband recently. I told him. Come to find out he's been getting his jollies elsewhere also. So, we decided to seperate (not legally) and just not tell eachother about it again until he gets out of the military. They used to call this a "contract marriage" because now we are only together for the health insurance, BAH, and access to the commisary. We will still be living together as room mates.

I'm amazed on how many women think it's ok to not tell him. I've cheated on SO and he on me but we told each other and have gotten over it. I feel like our relationship is stronger because we were able to overcome such a difficult issue. It was hard to go through, but we worked out the problem and tell each other everything

Quoting Kiss Kiss Bang Bang:" I agree with you . My SO would want to know everything, even if I were just to kiss another man and vice ... [snip!] ... let me cheat without thinking of my SO and kids first, even if it were only for 5 seconds. but blah, that's just me I guess."

I agree with you..

Quoting Mrs. Post-tato Head™:" And THAT'S the real "problem". That's what people don't really understand, but again, that's another thread.  "

But then why are many humans so jealous in nature? It seems contradicting. Men get all up in arms if their woman cheats on them, but they have NO problem cheating themselves.

Quoting Back to Noob Status:" She said it was an affair, yes? Doesn't affair usually imply more than once?"

IMO "affair" just refers to an ongoing relationship vs a one night stand. It doesn't imply more than one man.

Quoting Kiss Kiss Bang Bang:" I agree with you . My SO would want to know everything, even if I were just to kiss another man and vice ... [snip!] ... let me cheat without thinking of my SO and kids first, even if it were only for 5 seconds. but blah, that's just me I guess."

I'm like that too. I'm very attached and fiercely loyal almost to the point where it is an unhealthy loyalty. But I'm BPD and a bonafide Leo, and we are supposedly crazy loyal.  

Quoting Back to Noob Status:" But then why are many humans so jealous in nature? It seems contradicting. Men get all up in arms if their woman cheats on them, but they have NO problem cheating themselves."

Hey I'm not saying that's right. IMO, everyone is capable of cheating. EVERYONE. I used to be one of those people who said I would NEVER, EVER cheat especially after DH cheated on me, but guess what? Circumstances changed and a situation arouse and I put myself in a bad situation and I did. I'm not saying everyone WILL cheat, but everyone is capable of it.

And I don't think humans are necessarily jealous in nature. I've had open relationships before that have worked out just fine, but I'm the minority and that's not the "norm".

<blockquote><b>Quoting Back to Noob Status:</b>" But then why are many humans so jealous in nature? It seems contradicting. Men get all up in arms if their woman cheats on them, but they have NO problem cheating themselves."</blockquote>




Because we have been told and conditioned to believe that we should be monogamous. Thats were the jealousy comes from. I'm a believe that we are not meant to be with one person. Or atleast not for long periods of time. Jealous would not be an issue if polygamy wasnt so taboo

Quoting Mrs. Post-tato Head™:" Hey I'm not saying that's right. IMO, everyone is capable of cheating. EVERYONE. I used to be one of ... [snip!] ... in nature. I've had open relationships before that have worked out just fine, but I'm the minority and that's not the "norm"."

See, I don't think I could ever cheat b/c I have seen and experienced the devastation it causes (from the child's perspective). Seeing the pain my father put my mother in, I could NEVER inflict that on another individual, no matter how unhappy or unsatisfied I was in the relationship. Couldn't do it.

Now, that doesn't mean I wouldn't think about it, but thinking and acting on those thoughts are two different things.

Quoting Back to Noob Status:" Hence why I'm single.   I think it is SO smurfing sad that cheating is the norm. Or maybe we humans weren't meant to be monogamous, but that is for another thread."

I definitely think humans weren't made to be monogamous, but if two humans decide to co-habitate and put there lives together, then that's awesome.
But of course, there will definitely be issues, as there are with every couple, that come along the way. I feel like DH and I have a very open and honest relationship, but we don't tell each other everything. I'm still a human being who deserves privacy and who deserves to lead somewhat of a life of freedom, and so does he, kwim?
Let's say my DH screwed up and slept with someone, but he felt terrible and knew it was wrong. I can honestly say that I would 100% rather not know. First of all, I know that I wouldn't leave him because of a one-time cheat. I just think there are worse things that could happen, so I know we would work through it. To me, it would be better NOT to know because of the fact that I know I wouldn't leave him. So by me knowing, all it would do is cause problems, and force me to replay the thought of him with someone else in my head over and over again. Why not just sweep it under the rug, vow to never stray again, and to just work harder at the marriage?

Different strokes for different folks. In reality, OP is the only one who knows herself and her DH. She just needs to outweigh the pros and cons of either telling him or not and go from there. But people need to realize that what society says is the "right thing to do" may NOT be the right thing for them.

Quoting º×ß¡±©µ×º:" <blockquote><b>Quoting TracyBee:</b>" I agree with this, but I don't have the experience ... [snip!] ... is it sad that I think most guys in our town cheat?lol if you found 1 now that doesnt you got lucky Tracy"

I hope and beive he never would, but if for some reason he did I can say I honstly wouldn't want to know about it. I would rather he keep it to himself and work things out or end thing on a good note.