re: I cheated on my army husband of 10 years

Quoting MommaSav2:" I think that was a really smurffy thing to do and you're a bitch for doing it. The only person it would ... [snip!] ... think that unless you want to hurt him and potentially ruin your marriage I wouldnt tell him. It would just be selfish."

GTFO. Do you know what her situation is and why she cheated?

OP, think about if you are still happy with your husband and want it to continue or if this is your subconscious telling you that it's over. If you want to stay, don't say anything to him until you get counselling to show him you want to change and are working on it.

If you really don't love your husband anymore, start making plans to leave. Don't do it immediatly. Get things ready first. Or ask him about a non-legal seperation so that you can keep your benefits and he keeps getting BAH. That's what my husband and I decided to do.

Quoting Back to Noob Status:" Of course she is unhappy, or she wouldn't have cheated. OP, your husband deserves to know what you did. He shouldn't be forced to stay with a cheater through deception."

It's not about forcing him to stay in a relationship with a "cheater".  

It's about keeping him from having to go through pain he doesn't need to go through. If she was going to continue the affair and didn't want to be with him anymore, that's one thing, but if it's over he doesn't need to suffer that hurt because she can't handle the guilt.

I had a family friend who cheated on her husband and got pregnant. She had an abortion because the man was black and it would be very obvious the baby was not her husbands. She was in love with this man, she even planned to leave her husband for him but because the man wanted nothing to do with her once she got pregnant,she left him, had an abortion and decided to stay with her husband.
She never told him.
She changed her actions, apparently got past the guilt, and worked even harder at her marriage.
While I think it's completely wrong that she did what she did, it's quite clear their marriage would not have survived such a betrayal. I honestly think it would have broke them.
You cheated for a reason? Was it purely sexual? Are you unhappy?
I think you need to do some soul searching..
But sometimes, when you're willing to change and strengthen your marriage and learn a lesson from a mistake, sometimes honest isn't the best policy. What you don't know won't hurt you.

However, I would want to know.. that's quite a secret to carry to your grave..

Quoting Mrs. Post-tato Head™:" Don't tell him. Telling him will hurt him more than it will help. If the affair is over and you're not ... [snip!] ... told him, so I'm just saying from personal experience. If you've changed your ways and ended the affair then good for you.)"

I agree with this, but I don't have the experience of cheating on my SO. I did however have a past SO (my son's father) who cheated on me. We were already spliting up there was no need for him to tell me. It just caused me pain when there didn't need to be any and I wished he hadn't told me about it.

Quoting Kaysay:" I seriously doubt that any relationship is 100% open and honest."

Healthy relationships don't involve lying and cheating. And then there is the issue of diseases and unwanted pregnancies to worry about. If I had been cheated on, I would want to know so that I could find someone who wouldn't cheat in the first place.

my biggest fear would be him finding it out from somebody else. it's 1 thing when you're honest and let them know what happened but when somebody else tells it could get blown way out of proportion.

<blockquote><b>Quoting K. P. Walsh:</b>" I had a family friend who cheated on her husband and got pregnant. She had an abortion because the man ... [snip!] ... policy. What you don't know won't hurt you. However, I would want to know.. that's quite a secret to carry to your grave.."</blockquote>




Have one mans baby and trying to convince another man it is his is 100% wrong!

Quoting Mrs. Post-tato Head™:" It's not about forcing him to stay in a relationship with a "cheater".   It's about keeping him ... [snip!] ... with him anymore, that's one thing, but if it's over he doesn't need to suffer that hurt because she can't handle the guilt. "

By default, HE IS being forced to stay with a cheater through the obvious fact that he doesn't know he is with one.

Quoting Back to Noob Status:" Healthy relationships don't involve lying and cheating. And then there is the issue of diseases and ... [snip!] ... worry about. If I had been cheated on, I would want to know so that I could find someone who wouldn't cheat in the first place."

I hate to tell you, but relationships aren't perfect and people in general are even LESS perfect. People make mistakes. You can live in this fantasy world about healthy, open, honest relationships with rainbows and sunshine coming out your ass, but that doesn't make it real. Smurf happens. Get off your high horse.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Back to Noob Status:</b>" That's pretty bad. What ever happened to having an open and honest relationship? It isn't fair to the SO, and I would be pissed if I was your DH for having to find out through a friend."</blockquote>



Somethings should be kept a secret. At least I think so. If it's going to cause so much pain then I think it should be kept in a locked box unless the actions are going to be repeated. If my DH cheated on me I would hope he would have the decency not to tell me.

Quoting Kenzie +€ @m¤:" <blockquote><b>Quoting BG Secrets:</b>" Ive looked closely at my options: I can tell ... [snip!] ... I would get into counseling like another mama said. And do what you have to do to prevent this from happening again."

I promise I won't do it again but for that to happen I'll have to travel with him and stay with him all the time just for insurance, kwim? But I want to be there for my daughter. I've been feeling really lonely since my daughter has gotten older. She doesn't need me anymore like she used to. I don't know if I can cure this with another baby but I've been having serious baby fever.

<blockquote><b>Quoting TracyBee:</b>" I agree with this, but I don't have the experience of cheating on my SO. I did however have a past SO ... [snip!] ... no need for him to tell me. It just caused me pain when there didn't need to be any and I wished he hadn't told me about it."</blockquote>



is it sad that I think most guys in our town cheat?lol

if you found 1 now that doesnt you got lucky Tracy

Quoting º×ß¡±©µ×º:" my biggest fear would be him finding it out from somebody else. it's 1 thing when you're honest and let them know what happened but when somebody else tells it could get blown way out of proportion."

 
If someone did this to me, say my SO got another woman pregnant *shudder*, I would not only feel so damn betrayed, but I would feel so stupid being the last to know.
OP, if there is a danger of what PP just said about him finding from someone else, I'd come clean.

Quoting Back to Noob Status:" Healthy relationships don't involve lying and cheating. And then there is the issue of diseases and ... [snip!] ... worry about. If I had been cheated on, I would want to know so that I could find someone who wouldn't cheat in the first place."

in other words, you'd leave?
so you're telling OP to tell her husband, so that he'll leave her?

that's smurffy advice
marriage is worth more than a few days' affair

lessons learnt, OP. now, try to have one good thing come of this, and be a good wife to your husband
and make sure he doesn't find out!

<blockquote><b>Quoting Kenzie +€ @m¤:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting MommaSav2:</b>" I think that was a really smurffy thing to do ... [snip!] ... I think youre a bitch for your post. People make mistakes. She didn't ask for your opinion of her."</blockquote>




That's fine. I just have no tolerance for infidelity. And really its not about to op so im sorry for that. Im glad you (OP) have worked through your own issues so it wont happen again and i hope you spare yOur husband the hurt of know you were unfaithful. Take it to your grave if you can.
It's a sore subject for me at the moment because my dad just left my mom after 28 years of marriage and 7 kids and 10 grandkids that they shared together because he had a girlfriend on the side that he decided to be with. Cheating is such bullsmurf. People should respect their partners enough not to do it. Not cheating is really easy.