re: I cheated on my army husband of 10 years

Don't tell him. Telling him will hurt him more than it will help. If the affair is over and you're not planning on cheating again, then you've done what you need to do. Trust me when I say he will wish you never told him (if you do).

(I'll probably take smurf for this, but I don't care. My DH and I have both been unfaithful in the past and I wish he'd never told me and he wishes I never told him, so I'm just saying from personal experience. If you've changed your ways and ended the affair then good for you.)

Quoting MommaSav2:" I think that was a really smurffy thing to do and you're a bitch for doing it. The only person it would ... [snip!] ... think that unless you want to hurt him and potentially ruin your marriage I wouldnt tell him. It would just be selfish."

Calm down, killer  

please tell him he deserves to know he deserves to also be happy with someone that wont cheat

Quoting JeNnAs MoMoM:" I would go to the grave with that secret. It could cause more harm to your marriage than you can imagine and I personally would not risk that... unless you're unhappy."

Um her actions are what caused 'harm to the marriage'...

Quoting Mrs. Post-tato Head™:" Don't tell him. Telling him will hurt him more than it will help. If the affair is over and you're not ... [snip!] ... told him, so I'm just saying from personal experience. If you've changed your ways and ended the affair then good for you.)"

See, I can agree with this on some occasions but it's hard to know if this is the best answer based on the circumstances surrounding the infidelity.

I can see both ways and I think it would depend on why you are sharing the information.

If you want to tell him to ease your conscious, don't do it. While it may help you sleep, it will cause a great deal of pain for him. If you want the marriage to work and this is a one-time issue, it may not be worth the potential ruin of your marriage.

If you want to tell him because there were issues in your relationship that caused this, do it. Your relationship clearly had some unresolved issue that led you to look outside of it. It may make your relationship stronger in the end.

Either way, these things do tend to come out. A hospital bill, a note on your medical chart, a friend mentioning your presence at the doctor, etc.

I hope it works out the way you want it  .

I think you need to get yourself into counseling, OP. You already know that was a terrible thing to do, but you want to fix yourself so you don't do that again. If you don't think you can remain faithful after this, you should tell him and be prepared for the marriage to be over. Otherwise, I'd just do therapy and take it to the grave.

Quoting MommaSav2:" I think that was a really smurffy thing to do and you're a bitch for doing it. The only person it would ... [snip!] ... think that unless you want to hurt him and potentially ruin your marriage I wouldnt tell him. It would just be selfish."

I don't think she's a bitch. People make mistakes.

It's going to eat at you until you tell him, regardless of whether the affair is over with or not. He deserves to know.

was the baby from the giy whose wife is wanting to sue you for credit card charges? I would say if that was his child...you are better off telling him since he will find out anyway.
Studies show most people dont leave after an affair. They say they will, but they dont. You chances are good that he will work it out, but you will forever be on a tight leash. Since he is military....that is the thing against you. He has to be gone and will never trust you again which could result in that being the end of your marriage. You created a monster here.

Quoting Mrs. Post-tato Head™:" Don't tell him. Telling him will hurt him more than it will help. If the affair is over and you're not ... [snip!] ... told him, so I'm just saying from personal experience. If you've changed your ways and ended the affair then good for you.)"

  

I agree with all of this. Most guys would rather not know. Just don't let it happen again unless you are planning on telling him and leaving.

Ive read your past topics, and I can.see why you ended up having an affair. But you need to tell him

Quoting MommyingWithGrace:" was the baby from the giy whose wife is wanting to sue you for credit card charges? I would say if that ... [snip!] ... be gone and will never trust you again which could result in that being the end of your marriage. You created a monster here."

this is a account for anyone to post anonymously

Quoting BrittanieY:" I can see both ways and I think it would depend on why you are sharing the information. If you want ... [snip!] ... note on your medical chart, a friend mentioning your presence at the doctor, etc. I hope it works out the way you want it  ."

See I kind of agree with this too because in the end I think what's happened between my DH and I is actually helping our marriage because it's forcing us to face our problems and realize why each of us did what we did in the first place.

OP, I guess it's like she's saying here. If you're telling him just to get it off your mind, don't do that to him, but if there are issues you think need to be worked out and you think you'll be able to work through it and fix your marriage then I guess you have to do it and hope for the best...

Quoting MommaSav2:" I think that was a really smurffy thing to do and you're a bitch for doing it. The only person it would ... [snip!] ... think that unless you want to hurt him and potentially ruin your marriage I wouldnt tell him. It would just be selfish."

Oh, please. STFU.