Mother in law is soooo frustrating

I am feeling like I have more anxiety about my mother in law than I do about labour!!!!! Me and my husband have been trying and planning for this baby for a few years and We have really put a lot of thought and research into what kinds of parents we want to be and the things that are important to us. My mother in law is consistantly putting down our plans ( like how we shouldnt get a change table because they are stupid andd no one actually uses one) but my biggest concern is she keeps making comments about how she will intruduce bottle to our daughter! I want to exclusively breastfeed for as long as possible andd I will snap if she gives my dughter a bottle. I feel really hurt and anxious, I have tried talking to her but she s a know it all. What do I do? Has anyone else dealt with this?

pick your battles. If it's petty, blow it off. But the stuff you're passionate about - put your foot down, NOW!

Good luck - my own mother is a lot like your MIL

Tell her to mind her own business. Sometimes you just have to put your foot down. If she doesn't respect your wishes to exclusively breastfeed tell her you will keep her from seeing the baby. She had her kids already now its time for you to raise yours!

My mom and my grandma wanted to do things that I did NOT agree with, so on the bigger things i said fine, but i'm the mother, so if YOU don't want to listen to me, you cannot watch my kid. you will have supervised visits until you change your mind... worked well!! Make sure you're firm about it. I don't care if she was a mother before, it's not her child so it's not her rules the baby will be raised by!

Well if you're EBF ... She's gonna be hard pressed to actually give your baby a bottle really.

My FMIL was the same way, said that I should bottle feed and she's gonna introduce bottles cos breastfeeding makes them overly attached. I just said "Well, that's your opinion and you are entitled to it. However, as I am the one actually giving birth to this child, I will be making the decisions. You are more than welcome to come over and see him in between or even during feeds should you wish though" *insert completely fake smile*

If she doesnt respect how you want to raise your child and is adament about introducing bottles while your breastfeeding then dont let her see the baby and let her know exactly why her visiting privaledges have been revoked.

Well to be fair I bought a changing table and then it spent the next few years being a catch all for random baby crap, LOL. I'd hold your ground with the bottle but my son and daughter both between breast and bottle without any issue until I decided to stop breastfeeding. My only point is don't think you can't breastfeed even if she does try and slip a bottle feeding in. Just make sure she isn't left alone with the baby if she's really that adamant on introducing a bottle against your wishes and make sure you tell her as politely as possible the exact reason why.

Don't let her be alone with the baby at first if she's going to introduce a bottle. That would tick me off too, considering i ebf my daughter. However, the changing table thing doesn't sound like a big deal. Try to blow it off, if it's not a big deal. Although i feel you should express your concern if it's something important to you like breastfeeding. No one should come in between something like that.

My oldest couldn't take a bottle (and then he just wouldn't when he was able to). So I pretty much nursed him exclusively until we water/juice and cow milk. And I couldn't go any where without him for more than 2 1/2 hours. My baby I had to give him bottles after he was born because he was losing too much weight. He is now 12 weeks and I still breastfeed but because I can't express milk if I go anywhere for more than 3 hours he gets a bottle with formula.

Just be open minded about it. You can give bottles with expressed milk, just wait until 6 weeks and you have established breastfeeding. Besides you never know what your situation will be once baby arrives.

As for MIL, tell her to butt out. I had to do that with mine because she has her own ideals (and traditions since DH's family is all mexican and he is first generation here). Things got better after that and she started respecting my wishes in regards to raising my baby.

Do what YOU want-be firm!
We've made parenting choices that my MIL definitely wasn't happy with; but it's not her kid. She had her chance to parent; now it's her turn to be a grandparent & let you handle the decisions.

PS-for the record tho; I think change tables just turn into dumping grounds. Unless you plan on baby sleeping in crib from day 1-you probably won't get much use out of it. My oldest is 17mo; youngest is 3mo. The oldest we used it occasionally from
4-6 months. Then he moved too much & it was easier to use the floor.
We haven't used it once yet with our youngest.

My MIL was the same way. I tried to be nice for so long, and finally I snapped. I told her it was our choices, and she could respect me, and her son, and our choices for our child, or she could stay out of our lives untill she could. It was her choice, but the first time she did something agasinst our parenting decisions, she wouldn't be seeing him. Of course then she tried to go to my Husband and say somthing, right infront of my face, and I told her we are adults, and if she had a problem to discuss it with me, and we could try to work through it. She tried to get smart with me at that point, and my Husband kicked her out of our home, and told her dont call or come back untill she could be respectfull. I wasnt rude, or bitchy, but I let her know she wasnt going to walk all over me either. I love my MIL, and we have a good relationship now although she still drives me nuts sometimes lol. She has completely stopped being disrespectfull, and we have an understanding that what my Husband and I say goes when it comes to our kids.

Thanks guys Im pretty good about picking my battles with her and I am all for recieving guidance but she has some of the most warped ideass i have ever heard and she looks at me like Im crazy when I tell her things that are doctor recommended. Like the other day we went for dinner and I ordered something with a little spice to it and she told me that by eating anything with any spice in it I will kill the baby of give it serious brain damage and then she makes comments like the baby is probably already mental un wll because I eat spicy foods. SHES CRAZY and SO UNSUPPORTIVE!!!!

Quoting Jennifer Michelle Allen:" Thanks guys Im pretty good about picking my battles with her and I am all for recieving guidance but ... [snip!] ... makes comments like the baby is probably already mental un wll because I eat spicy foods. SHES CRAZY and SO UNSUPPORTIVE!!!!"

Your SO needs to say something to her. It is one thing to be a pain in the ass, but another for her to try to scare you, or say anything like that, especially since that is the stupid thing I have ever heard. Putting stress on you by saying stuff like that isnt good for her grandchild, so she needs to back off...

what is her reason for insisting on bottles? I wouldn't get a changing table, but I would get the kind that BRU sells that double as a dresser. Each of our kids still have and use theirs daily, even though they don't have their cribs anymore.

like someone else said. you have to pick your battles. I try really hard to avoid these sorts of talks w/my mother in law. She's lovely, but is convinced we are horrible parents. I'm not going to change her mind, I don't care to. Other wise, she's a very nice person and fairly easy to get along with. Just as long as she doesn't discuss what I should and shouldn't do with my kids.
oh, I can hardly wait until she finds out we're having a 3rd....... that talk is going to be a barrel of laughs........no, really.....