re: I need some serious advice.

Quoting Coupon Lady:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Super Kame Vegeta:</b>" I posted a thread last night asking ... [snip!] ... of it that way Kwim? It wont make you a horrible parent. Sometimes we have to do things differently then what the norm is."

Yes, it is different. I think splitting up siblings who are extremely close and grew up every day of their lives together is different than parents divorcing and the other parent starting another family. The "original" siblings wouldn't have the same connection to the "new" ones like they have with each other.

Quoting Super Kame Vegeta:" I'm just so confused. (ex)DH keeps saying that I won't be able to provide and care for two children all ... [snip!] ... I love them so much and had a breakdown last night just thinking about giving up my child. I just want whats best for them."

Maybe he just doesn't want to pay child support for two children.

I mean, just look at it from the kids perspective. Will the little girl grow up feeling she wasnt good enough for daddy? And vice versa for the boy?

The family is splitting up and I think they need each other right now. I can't imagine losing a parent, AND a sibling. (I know they'd still see eachother but 800 miles is quite a distance)

If you don't HAVE to, I think it would be a mistake to split your kids up. A big mistake.

<blockquote><b>Quoting *B & D Mommy*:</b>" Could you imagine how difficult that would be?? Especially since a lot of children depend more on mom"</blockquote>




Its normal for ppl to think kids depend more on mom. But I don't believe it. I know ppl who live like this and the kids are fine. Hell I know moms who left the kids with the dads and the kids are 100% fine. My friend is the best single dad in the world. Taking his son to raise at a young age when his son was only a few months old. Hell his brother wife gave birth and left him and baby high and dry at the hospital to be never seen again left him with 4 kids under 5 and NB.

The kids would be fine.

It's hard enough seeing your parents split, it would be even harder to lose a sibling who knows exactly what you are going through.

There is no way in Hell I would ever consider it. I would do whatever it took to take care of BOTH my kids. And honesty I think it is stupid to say the boy goes with his dad. That doesn't seem fair at all.

Quoting CuteExplodenKitties:" Maybe he just doesn't want to pay child support for two children. "

  He doesn't want to have to pay child support for two children plus alimony for her because she wasn't working. That's all this is. You'll certainly be able to provide for your children with his financial help. Of course you'll have to get a job also, but he has financial obligations to help you raise those kids. Sending one to live with him isn't going to "be better for your quality of life" as he's making it out to be. You'll devastate your kids. Either send them both with him, or take them both. I don't even think the courts will let you split them up, especially if one parent is against it.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Super Kame Vegeta:</b>" He refuses to move closer because he doesn't want to pay more for out of state college. They are 2 and 1."</blockquote>



At that age they definitely both need to be with their mother!

Quoting Becky☮Will:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Super Kame Vegeta:</b>" He refuses to move closer because ... [snip!] ... of state college. They are 2 and 1."</blockquote> At that age they definitely both need to be with their mother!"

  Those babies need their mommy. And they definitely need to be together no matter which way you decide. With you or him, but definitely together.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Becky☮Will:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Super Kame Vegeta:</b>" He refuses to move closer because ... [snip!] ... of state college. They are 2 and 1."</blockquote> At that age they definitely both need to be with their mother!"</blockquote>


 

Quoting Coupon Lady:" <blockquote><b>Quoting *B & D Mommy*:</b>" Could you imagine how difficult that would ... [snip!] ... him and baby high and dry at the hospital to be never seen again left him with 4 kids under 5 and NB. The kids would be fine."

I was raised by a single dad who was very loving and did a wonderful job with us but I still grew up with the feeling that if my mom didn't love me and she was supposed to be the one who gave us unconditional love than who could? That's how I felt as a kid. Even though my dad told us each and every day how much he loved us and we had a fantastic stepmom it still left a huge hole.
But without my sister it would have been so much worse. It is different than starting a new family or step siblings because only your sibling from your family of origin really understands how you feel and the connection just is not the same. Me and my sister are only a year apart and are very close and NEEDED each other growing up and during my parents divorce. Please do not seperate your kids, seriously. Talk to a family counsleor or a family lawyer for advice!

Quoting Super Kame Vegeta:" I'm just so confused. (ex)DH keeps saying that I won't be able to provide and care for two children all ... [snip!] ... I love them so much and had a breakdown last night just thinking about giving up my child. I just want whats best for them."

Don't let him tell you that you can't do it! I have done it..granted only with one child. But I drove 1000 miles by myself with a 3 month old so I could be around my friends and family. I lived with my mom for a month before I got a job and moved into a small house. It was very difficult..but I made it work.

Quoting Coupon Lady:" <blockquote><b>Quoting *B & D Mommy*:</b>" Could you imagine how difficult that would ... [snip!] ... him and baby high and dry at the hospital to be never seen again left him with 4 kids under 5 and NB. The kids would be fine."

Do you know what they are thinking? Personally I would be wondering why I'm not good enough for the other parent.

<blockquote><b>Quoting *B & D Mommy*:</b>" Do you know what they are thinking? Personally I would be wondering why I'm not good enough for the other parent. "</blockquote>




Things can go.a few ways. Go to court the judge realizes she can't afford to take the kids. (If its true) dad gets both kids cause he can provide for them.

Or they do it the other way. I know ppl who live like this for years and the kids were 4&5 when seperated they are fine. And I'm close with them. Sure not all kids react the same but sometimes we have to do smurf.

I would never be able to do it. And if you do go through with it what are you going to tell your son when he asks why he wasn't good enough to live with you to? I think he's trying to get in your head. You keep saying HE says you can't do but do you think you could raise them both? That's what matters..not his opinion.