Forums > Parents with KidsPage 1 2by: summerbabyX2

teaching 4 year old about death

posted 8th Oct
well thanks to my sons preschool I now need to answer his questions about death. Their class fish died and the teacher told them. I'm kinda pissed about it because she didn't give us a heads up and my son was upset saying "Chummy died, what does that mean?" he was really sad about it. I just wish they said he was sick or something and let me talk to him about it, we've been luckly enough to not have to explain death to him yet. I'm not very happy about how all this happened but now I'm not really sure how much to tell him. I don't believe in Heaven or anything and I just told him that being dead means the fish isn't going to be swimming around anymore because he got too old. Then he started asking if other things die too. I told him that yes other things do die and that we would talk about it later once he calmed down from being sad. But now I don't know what to say. Maybe just when something dies it means you can't seem them anymore? Damn, I just wish they said the fish was sleeping...
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I have 2 kids & live in Pennsylvania
posted 8th Oct
My daughter is three and knows all about death. Things they'll have to learn eventually..
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I have 1 child & 1 angel baby & live in New York
posted 8th Oct
My nephew was there the day my sister died. Well, the day we got the phone call telling us she was dead. Of course, my mom ran through the house, hysterical, saying "Tristians dead..." and he heard. He never really asked questions about it and he was almost 4. Now, he will randomly talk about his aunt Tristian and then say "she passed away.."

I guess some kids just......don't need it explained.
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I have 1 child & live in Arkansas
posted 8th Oct
you're mad the teacher didn't lie to your son?
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I have 2 kids & live in Havana, Cuba
posted 8th Oct
Quoting Tikaytasha:" My daughter is three and knows all about death. Things they'll have to learn eventually.."
yes I realize that but what are they able to comprehend at that age, their concept of time is different than ours so they really wouldn't understand not seeing anyone again forever. So how do I explain it?
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I have 2 kids & live in Pennsylvania
posted 8th Oct
Just be honest and answers his questions honestly.
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I have 2 kids & live in San Jose, California
posted 8th Oct
Quoting Captain Obvious:" you're mad the teacher didn't lie to your son?"
no I wish she would have just given me a heads up, I was caught off guard with it. She could have just said he was sick and then sent us an email and had us explain it to them
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I have 2 kids & live in Pennsylvania
posted 8th Oct
Quoting summerbabyX2:" yes I realize that but what are they able to comprehend at that age, their concept of time is different ... [snip!] ... of time is different than ours so they really wouldn't understand not seeing anyone again forever. So how do I explain it?"

I would just say that when things and people die, you don't see them anymore because they go away to a special place. You don't have to go into the Heaven/Hell explanation with him. But...give him enough to satisfy his curiosity, but not enough to make him continue to ask questions.
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I have 1 child & live in Arkansas
posted 8th Oct
We're atheist and don't do heaven or anything- my grandma died when my oldest son was about 4. I told him that we don't live forever- and that one day we rejoin the earth and live on in plants and flowers and space, so it's important that we live to the fullest. I also threw in some garbage about living on in memories.
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I have 3 kids & live in Los Angeles, California
posted 8th Oct
Personally, I wouldn't tell him the fish was sleeping... I would be honest, Kids learn about these things sooner or later , Death is a part of life & everything dies eventually.
I would just tell him that when someone dies, it means we don't get to see them anymore. Since you don't believe in Heaven, idk what else you could tell him to make him feel better about losing the fish. I have had to have this talk with my son at a pretty young age because a few family members died & he didn't understand.
I would tell him we don't see them again, but they stay in our hearts forever.

That's a tough one.. it really is. But it's better he hears it from you then from someone else....
Good luck!
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I have 2 kids & live in Alaska
posted 8th Oct
Quoting Tiger Lily ♥:" I would just say that when things and people die, you don't see them anymore because they go away to ... [snip!] ... explanation with him. But...give him enough to satisfy his curiosity, but not enough to make him continue to ask questions."
 
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I have 2 kids & live in Alaska
posted 8th Oct
<blockquote><b>Quoting Tikaytasha:</b>" My daughter is three and knows all about death. Things they'll have to learn eventually.."</blockquote>


 

DS has known for a while. I hate how nonchalant he is when talking about it now, though. Especially in October because of all of the ghost and gravestone decorations  

OP, do you believe in ANYTHING after death??
If not, just explain that one day everyone's body gets a bit too old to continue to work. Just make sure to be clear to him that he shouldn't worry about death happening to him, some kids end up being crazy paranoid.
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I have 2 kids & live in Bat Cave, North Carolina
posted 8th Oct
<blockquote><b>Quoting Captain Obvious:</b>" you're mad the teacher didn't lie to your son?"</blockquote>




  lying to him is just going to confuse him
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I have 1 child & live in Indianapolis, Indiana
posted 8th Oct
Quoting Dr. Paradigm Shift:" We're atheist and don't do heaven or anything- my grandma died when my oldest son was about 4. I told ... [snip!] ... and flowers and space, so it's important that we live to the fullest. I also threw in some garbage about living on in memories."
I like that about rejoining the Earth, I think he would get that. I don't want to lie to him, I just want to explain it in a way he will understand. I just wish I was prepaired for it. I mean all this over a fish...
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I have 2 kids & live in Pennsylvania
posted 8th Oct
Quoting Angel [Mariah's Mommy]:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Captain Obvious:</b>" you're mad the teacher didn't lie to your son?"</blockquote>   lying to him is just going to confuse him"

I don't want to lie to him, I just wanted to be the one to bring this up to him and not her and I just wish I had a heads up so I would have known what I wanted to say to him.

And no I think when you die your soul is a natural part of you just like your physical being and it goes back to the earth with the rest of you
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I have 2 kids & live in Pennsylvania
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