re: I found the problem...and dont know who to fix it

Quoting Shannonsfirst:" it is. Do you 75% of parents dont stay together after a child is diagnosed? At first I couldnt believe ... [snip!] ... almost 2 years later with a healthy happy boy....I just want 'us' back to KWIM. Men are so difficult with feelings though  "

I totally understand. My twin brother was diagnosed with leukemia when he was 2. It destroyed my birth parents to the point that we ended up put in a foster home and then adoption. It's really hard to go thru   I really you and your husband can overcome the odds and work to stay together.

Quoting Shannonsfirst:" I hear ya. And I wish it could be done...but I cant. Something I just cant face again, and he is the ... [snip!] ... I really dont think that can or should be done together, IDK....maybe I am just as much of the problem cause of how I deal."

I think is sounds like it's you both. He seems like maybe he needs to "go there" and deal with it, and you want to move forward and not deal with it. There needs to be some middle ground if you guys are going to move forward together. You can't snap your fingers and make him feel okay, you know?

And I know the stats for NICU stays are pretty bad too. A lot of couples don't last through their kids in the NICU. A childs illness is one of the worse stressors on a marriage.

But it is a marriage. A partnership. . . it doesn't work if you guys are 100% separate and don't share or lean on each other. It doesn't really work if you guys don't want to deal with anything together. I'm not trying to sound mean, or trivialize what you've been through at all! I'm just trying to give some ideas because it does seem like you want things to work out. However, what you're doing ISN'T working, so you have to change what you're doing to get a different result, you know?

I really think some counseling could help a lot. Some for him alone (if he hasn't) and some for you guys as a couple, but I can almost guarantee that it'll go over your sons illness and what happened.

Is it possible he doesn't have much confidence because he feels like you don't want or need him anymore? If you've pulled away (and I understand why you have, to handle what you're feeling with your son), that can severely batter a mans ego and faith in a relationship. Maybe that's a large part of his problem, that he feels like you aren't "there" anymore. Like you're basically a single woman he's married to rather then his partner and wife. . .? I'm not saying this IS whats happening, I don't know. Just offering possibilities and you can tell me if any sounds possible.

Quoting BαƚMαɳ:" I totally understand. My twin brother was diagnosed with leukemia when he was 2. It destroyed my birth ... [snip!] ... then adoption. It's really hard to go thru   I really you and your husband can overcome the odds and work to stay together."

  that aweful.

I didnt think this would seperate us. Now Im scared.

We leave on Wednesday for the retreat, it was amazing last year and we left feeling really good. I hope it helps even more this year. My son deserves the best....IMO that includes two happy parents together, so I really want to get there.

Quoting Shannonsfirst:"   that aweful. I didnt think this would seperate us. Now Im scared. We leave on Wednesday for the ... [snip!] ... even more this year. My son deserves the best....IMO that includes two happy parents together, so I really want to get there."

Well it sounds like you have the will to power thru the struggle and overcome   I am sending tons to positive thoughts & vibes your way!!!

Quoting she nan igans:" I think is sounds like it's you both. He seems like maybe he needs to "go there" and deal with it, and ... [snip!] ... I'm not saying this IS whats happening, I don't know. Just offering possibilities and you can tell me if any sounds possible."

harsh.

And all so true.

UGH....thanks mama. You are very insightful. I think I just know the pain it going to cause both of us , but we have to face it I guess to get over it. Im so scared to though. Honestly, his treatment was the worst thing ever, and SO and I are so insinc that I know he has the same issues, and like me wants to ignore it. but I think you are right...thats whats not working, so we need to change it.

Thank you <3

Quoting BαƚMαɳ:" Well it sounds like you have the will to power thru the struggle and overcome   I am sending tons to positive thoughts & vibes your way!!!"

Thank you mama!

Cancer smurfing sucks!

But we won   And thats amazing

Quoting Shannonsfirst:" harsh. And all so true. UGH....thanks mama. You are very insightful. I think I just know the pain ... [snip!] ... and like me wants to ignore it. but I think you are right...thats whats not working, so we need to change it. Thank you <3"

I'm glad it didn't all come out wrong, haha. I didn't want to sound like a bitch. You guys are very strong, and after coming through what you have, I have total faith you CAN work through this too. It likely won't be easy, but I believe you'll be in a better place when you do. *hugs*

And I'm so glad your son is doing so well! What a fighter!

Quoting she nan igans:" I'm glad it didn't all come out wrong, haha. I didn't want to sound like a bitch. You guys are very ... [snip!] ... easy, but I believe you'll be in a better place when you do. *hugs* And I'm so glad your son is doing so well! What a fighter!"

I hope so too.

And thanks! I know, hes truly amazing and Im so happy we named him Maximus...the most fitting name ever  

Quoting Shannonsfirst:" I can see what you mean...get him to do something stress relieving. And thanks! Im so freaking excited ... [snip!] ... Im so freaking excited for March, I cant even describe it. (they say after 2 years for kids they are pretty much cured !!!!)"

That is awesome!! I'm so happy for you guys. Nobody should ever have to go through that and that makes you all so much stronger for making it through.

I'd just focus on your SO though...try to help him feel better about himself. I'm slowly working on it by going to the gym and it's working for me...but I seen earlier you guys are getting a little tight financially, so just something like a nice long family walk can help too. Just let him know you still think he's perfect, but this is for him to feel good about himself. I hope it works out  

Quoting Tavi:" That is awesome!! I'm so happy for you guys. Nobody should ever have to go through that and that makes ... [snip!] ... too. Just let him know you still think he's perfect, but this is for him to feel good about himself. I hope it works out   "

Thanks! I will try my best. But you're right, and I know it...its up to him to feel good about himself...Ill try and help him find it though.