re: why aren't many people keen on giving babies up for adoption

Quoting snglemama:" I didn't read all the responses.. my biomom had 3 kids.. gave us all up for adoption my sister and ... [snip!] ... wished she hadn't adopted us... I had 2 other friends who were adopted say they were told the same thing by their "mother's""

My mother was told the same by her adoptive mother.
She was adopted to "save" a failing marriage, and when the marriage failed anyway, my mother took the brunt of it as her fault.
Smh.
And now she is an adult that has abandoned her own three children, and is too drunk to even know her grandchildren. She has met my daughter once. She blames everything on the abuse she endured from her adoptive mother.
Luckily my father's parents raised me, I don't know where I would be without them!

Quoting thewarmth:" My mother was told the same by her adoptive mother. She was adopted to "save" a failing marriage, and ... [snip!] ... abuse she endured from her adoptive mother. Luckily my father's parents raised me, I don't know where I would be without them!"

yea, my brother has a child he never bothers with

my sister signed off rights to 2 of her kids, and has my biomom raising her other kid..

I'm the only one being a responsible, normal adult and a loving mother

Quoting snglemama:" yea, my brother has a child he never bothers with my sister signed off rights to 2 of her kids, and ... [snip!] ... of her kids, and has my biomom raising her other kid.. I'm the only one being a responsible, normal adult and a loving mother"

Yeah, I don't think people realize the percentage of abused children that go on to abuse/neglect their own children as adults.
A rare few make it through and chose to do differently for their own children.

Quoting thewarmth:" Yeah, I don't think people realize the percentage of abused children that go on to abuse/neglect their ... [snip!] ... to abuse/neglect their own children as adults. A rare few make it through and chose to do differently for their own children."

my biomom was raised by her grandmother, her mother was as well.. and so forth.. pretty far back. Now my sister is having her raise HER child.

ugh... I love my kids. They are my LIFE. I don't understand it

<blockquote><b>Quoting P3RvYmCp3rv:</b>" In countries where abortion isn't available you realize there are hundreds of babies thrown into children ... [snip!] ... changed? So why would it be so wrong for them to go to another country to adopt a baby that is just being treated like that? "</blockquote>


Yes, I realize that and I don't think there is anything wrong with it at all.

You actually made another point....kinda reinforcing mine and that is that there is nothing wrong with wanting a newborn and going to another country to make it happen. Plus, it makes sense in a biological way. The younger and sooner a child is bonded with, the better it usually is. Bonding with an eight year old that you've just met, and being an "instant" parent would be extremely challenging and most certainly is not for everyone.

I think giving a child up for adoption is a valid option and a very good option but I don't think it is always the best option. It does depend on the individual situation. Some people might not only not want the baby but don't want to be pregnant. While adoption is great it also has many flaws. In the UK in 2011 out of every 32 babies born and given up for adoption, only 1 was placed into a permanent family. 1 out of 32 is shocking! That leaves 31 babies in the care system and if they aren't adopted by the age of 2 then their chances of being adopted fall because people generally don't want older children. Not that this should put people off from wanting to give their baby up for adoption. It is a very good thing to do and for many it is the ideal thing for them if they find themselves with an unwanted pregnancy but it isn't and will never be the answer for all unwanted pregnancies.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Emmiboo:</b>" I think giving a child up for adoption is a valid option and a very good option but I don't think it ... [snip!] ... them if they find themselves with an unwanted pregnancy but it isn't and will never be the answer for all unwanted pregnancies."</blockquote>



That, to me, was superbly well said.

After all is said and done, I am pro choice.

I could never give up my baby for adoption. I know i would think about that baby every day of my life, wondering where it is, how its doing, what they look like, and id probably end up regretting it.

Quoting **Hanna**:" Just curious... Why does everyone seem to choose abortion over adoption"

Too many kids in the system.

I personally would never put my baby up for adoption. I am a black woman and black babies are not adopted near the rates of white babies and many end up aging in the system. I could never do that to any child of mine.

If I had a white uterus and produced healthy newborns, I would be more inclined to put the baby up for adoption over an abortion. Not saying all white women should, but a white healthy newborn would get picked up VERY quickly by a great couple. Black healthy newborn? Not so much.

Quoting Back to Noob Status:" Too many kids in the system. I personally would never put my baby up for adoption. I am a black woman ... [snip!] ... should, but a white healthy newborn would get picked up VERY quickly by a great couple. Black healthy newborn? Not so much. "

Meh. My mixed newborn with a history of mental disorders on both sides of the family was very easily adopted into a white Southern family.

Quoting Back to Noob Status:" Too many kids in the system. I personally would never put my baby up for adoption. I am a black woman ... [snip!] ... should, but a white healthy newborn would get picked up VERY quickly by a great couple. Black healthy newborn? Not so much. "

this is a fascinating topic, so I had to look it up.
I would have thought same as you: black newborns would have a harder time getting adopted. apparently, that is NOT the case.

check out this link: http://www.adoptionhelp.org/transracial-adoption

according to that page, black infants become available at about the same rate as their percentage of the U.S. population, i.e. 14% or so
the wait time for a black infant is shorter, however, because black biological parents have a strong preference for black families for placement, whereas black families who are willing to adopt are more rare than white families

so, in closing, your black uterus' babies would go like hotcakes, same as my white ones
NOT suggesting we run out and get pregnant, but it's just not the case that an infant would go begging for a family in this country

Quoting she nan igans:" Nope. I'm not assuming it. I'm saying it takes away the CHANCE that it will happen. It closes the spot, ... [snip!] ... away that possibility. Would it have happened? Maybe, maybe not. But it WONT happen if they adopt an infant in that place."

It's like you're talking to a wall  

Some people aren't keen on giving a child up for adoption because...well because that's your own flesh and blood you're giving up! I would opt for abortion instead, I could never do adoption.
I had a friend opt for adoption with her first child and she regrets doing it. She had another baby and has kept her.

Because ending a life is much easier than giving it a chance. My wants and needs are so much more important than my child's. That's what being a mother is all about...

<blockquote><b>Quoting lovinthem04:</b>" Because ending a life is much easier than giving it a chance. My wants and needs are so much more important than my child's. That's what being a mother is all about..."</blockquote>




What do you mean?