just a vent

My birthday is friday of this next week. I told my SO that all I want to do for it is go have a picnic with the kids and him some time this month. Or last month. We have a wedding on my birthday weekend with extended family that I haven't seen in years and he has never met, and he has heard many times how important they are to me. After a LONG day yesterday, I brought up my birthday, and he said "well if you want to do something for it, you should just cancel going to this wedding next weekend." I also brought up the fact that he and I need some time to hang out just the two of us. I planned our last date, and we have only had that one date since our daughter was born three months ago. And to the idea of planning a date his response is "Well if you want to do that, you need to find something cheap or free we can do, and someone to watch the baby."
I mean, I've been trying to guide him in how to do this stuff. We have been spending a lot of time with his brother and sister in law, they live really close and have offered many times to take the baby. I've said "your brother is the only person I would trust to watch the baby besides my mom."

I know he's not being awful, he's just being thoughtless. But I just feel like I've been making such an effort to keep us together, to keep him happy, and he just can't make any. I'm just hurt right now. Last year for his birthday we were totally broke, but I made a four layer cake, and decorated the house, and made sure I showed him how much I love him and how important he is to me and the rest of our family. I just wish he could do the same, and I wish i didn't feel like I'd have to push him to do it, because than it's inauthentic, and I'll feel like I'm being a spoiled brat.

I feel like I have an obligation to my kids to keep pushing to make us happy, to make my relationship with him work, but it seems like he is just getting more and more distant. I just want us to be like we were when we first met. only with kids....

Ita never going to be the same. Once you have kids everything changes. It sucks, but that's the way it is.

My SO & I have been together almost 17yrs. We went on our first date in over a year last night. My mom has my kids, she is watching them as my birthday present.

Men don't get it. If you want to go out make the plans. Don't wait for him to do so, it may never happen.

I appreciate that, it seems like pretty sound advice. and happy birthday!