Fantasising about ex's

Please don't quote.
I feel guilty, I'm always thinking of sex with an ex. Sometimes even while having sex with SO :/
It's not that I'm not attracted to SO or don't enjoy our sex(our sex feels great) but I dont get as turned on or feel the same enjoyment or satisfaction as I did with the ex because SO isn't into the same kind of things I am and isn't willing to try it so I don't push.
Ugh I've pretty much just kept this to myself. I feel awful but I don't know what to do here. Any advice would be great!

Well you shouldn't feel bad your human and it's reality your free to think what you want that's why it's in our heads and none can hear it . But I'm sure other girls do the same althogh keep in mind you could be fantasizing something you really docent mean anything in the end that's why it's a fantasy (:

Don't feel bad, I do the same thing also.
Of course I won't admit it to SO because I know it would hurt his feelings, but its normal everyone has some kind of fantasy.

So there's nothing wrong with it? That's good to know then!
Its not just sexual fantasy but about how ex spoke to me, acted towards me. I want SO to be like that but I rarely fantasise about life or sex with SO.
I mean I love SO and I do enjoy our sex but I'm confused about what I want most of the time, I feel like sex is a large part of being intimate together and important in the relationship so it feels like a big deal to me.

Yeah I'd never admit this to SO but I have tried to talk to him about what I want and tried to encourage him without pushing him but he's never been willing with the sexual things so I feel wrong to push him into something he feels uncomfortable with.

It's just natural. We all do sometimes.

Well it not wrong cus it's not your fault u kno   but it can be hurtfull to him so what he doesn't kno won't Hurt him :/

You could be feeling unapriciated with your SO that you think of the good times with ur ex but why r u not with him now and it might be hard to hear but maybe you want to be with your x but your trying to push a thought like that away cus you do care for the one ur with now and even thinking it feels wrong? am I right ? :p

<blockquote><b>Quoting NessaLovely:</b>" Well it not wrong cus it's not your fault u kno   but it can be hurtfull to him so what he doesn't kno ... [snip!] ... to push a thought like that away cus you do care for the one ur with now and even thinking it feels wrong? am I right ? :p"</blockquote>




I'm not with him because he wasn't someone my family would've accepted and i kept him a secret from family the entire time, they thought i lived with a friend.
When SO started chasing me I kinda of just went with it because he was someone I could bring home to my family :/ I know that sounds bad, it's a long story!
Your definitely right! I do love SO even though some weeks I feel I'd be happy if he came home and said its over, but I feel wrong for thinking about someone else all the time, especially during sex.

Even tho u love ur so very much and it's obvious because u feel bad about thinking of someone else but it's your life and if you want to be happy you have to be with who you want to be with no matter what family says even if it's hard. Honestly you make it sound like the movie the notebook lol

Ok imma ask you questions
1.Have u tried looking for him on Fb or thought of doing it
2.Do you wish you could see or do something with him one last time?
3. R you afraid to leave the one your with for the other guy becus ur scared you might loose your SO if things diddent work out with the other guy

They might be hard to answer but if u really do think of him all the time maybe you jus have to follow your feeling
What is wrong is making yourself stay with someone when you secretly want to be with someone else


Last question
Do you want to live your life thinking what if ?


I'm studying counciling  
I love giving good honest advice lol

I'm guilty of the same thing. It's the worst during sex! DH can turn me on, and sex is great...don't get me wrong, but I had insane chemistry with my ex. I've never experienced anything quite comparable to him. It's hard to admit that out loud.

But it's just human nature. You can't really help who you are attracted to.

Lol have never seen the notebook but kind of want to now.
1. I have looked but never added him. SO would crack the smurfs because he has any other time I've spoken to an ex he knows I was with.
2. Yeah I did talk to him and txt him a lot and went to see him once and nearly cheated so I didn't again because I dont want to hurt SO.
3. I know I'd lose SO and my feelings have always been up in the air either way. I'm scared of regretting losing him.

Honestly, your doing better and making me think more than my councillor has. This is kind of making me rethink seeing her :/

<blockquote><b>Quoting Mum-of-2:</b>" Lol have never seen the notebook but kind of want to now. 1. I have looked but never added him. SO would ... [snip!] ... Honestly, your doing better and making me think more than my councillor has. This is kind of making me rethink seeing her :/"</blockquote>


Would it be wrong of me to say I think you love them both:/
Your in a real hard situation and I think I know almost exactly how you feel.
Lol tell me if I'm right

I'll call the other guy FM short for fantasy man lol
I am so curious why your family wudent approve :/

You loved or almost loved fm. Had good times and not so good times I'm sure? You made your self move on I'm guessing for ur fam you met SO who you liked but kinda needed him as a rebound. Started falling for him but always thought about Fm and how ur relationship wud have turned out if you jus stayed with him and became serious. But your with your SO and you love him he doesn't treat you like fm and you want to be loved you don't want to argue u want to b happy so makes u happy but although you try to push fm away he finds his way back. As bad as u want to take a break from so so u can try with fm you won't let yourself cus you love so and you think it's not fair to him but your jus lost and don't know what to do and if ur family ever found out they wud looks down on u but you can't help what you feel . You make itself try to believe and forget seeing him while u were wit so but deep down you know it's cheating and u feel bad   but u don't ever want to risk loosing him and sometimes you want fm to dissiper so u can fully be happy but you still feel for fm and it won't go away and you want someone to tell you what's right or wrong and what to do but in my opinion you cant help what u feel or think

I might hav wrote the same thing over cus I was writing fast lol but how did I do and omg thanx I'm glad u think that . Councilors usually have no exsperiance of growing up in a bad niegborhood or gone through things so they try to understand but they don't .

Goddssshhh that was long lol


And yes watch the notebook ASAP it is one of the greatest movies. She was from a rich family and he waaent but they fell in love and her mother made her move and he sent letters to her every day and her mom hid them she met another guy her family loved but she never felt the same as she did for the other guy she goes back to the town and sees the guy they fall in love and grow old and takes care of her till she passes as it's so sad I wish I was her haha :p

Quoting Mum-of-2:" Please don't quote. I feel guilty, I'm always thinking of sex with an ex. Sometimes even while having ... [snip!] ... push. Ugh I've pretty much just kept this to myself. I feel awful but I don't know what to do here. Any advice would be great!"

I've been on the receiving end of this and yes it is terrible. Especially because of who she fantasizes about while we are doing it. I've lost more than one erection when we've done it because of that. When she said his name and then denied it was the absolute worst. She claims that it didn't happen. It did. She claims that she hated him and that he was terrible. Him being at the forefront while we have sex is proof positive that she is lying to me. It is a punch in the gut an makes me feel like less of a man. Like I'm not meeting the standard. She really has no idea how much it hurts. I've posted this a ton of times on here, but she was my one and only and I'm her second partner. That goes a long way into my feelings of inadequacy.

Quoting Mum-of-2:" Please don't quote. I feel guilty, I'm always thinking of sex with an ex. Sometimes even while having ... [snip!] ... push. Ugh I've pretty much just kept this to myself. I feel awful but I don't know what to do here. Any advice would be great!"

I'm in the same boat but I've never thought of a ex while having sex but I do wish my hubby would be willing to try new things though.

<blockquote><b>Quoting NessaLovely:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting Mum-of-2:</b>" Lol have never seen the notebook but kind of ... [snip!] ... and sees the guy they fall in love and grow old and takes care of her till she passes as it's so sad I wish I was her haha :p"</blockquote>




Thank you  
You are right,own a no sexual way- I do love SO more than ex or more than I ever did but almost maybe in a different way? Or ways?
With SO I have a family life and I do love it and him but yeah, I don't know how I feel, it's so confusing. SO and I have had a lot of issues and fights during our relationship and I've fallen in and out of love with SO where I've looked at him and felt repulsed and full of so much hatred at times. Maybe those issues have something to do with I feel? Because I don't look at SO and think that yes we'll grow old together. I think that I know one day, well be over and it's a matter of time.
Maybe it was the chemistry and the passion with ex? Maybe the attention I got? I honestly don't know so I'm just throwing that out there.
I want to love SO fully and completely, I'm confused about our relationship but I don't want to chance losing him for good, or just throwing it all away. I do appreciate a lot about SO. I don't know what I need and like I said, my councillor hasn't made me think this much!
In a sexual way- I'm very frustrated. The sex is good but not all that I want or think I need.

<blockquote><b>Quoting JohnSilverSmith:</b>" I've been on the receiving end of this and yes it is terrible. Especially because of who she fantasizes ... [snip!] ... of times on here, but she was my one and only and I'm her second partner. That goes a long way into my feelings of inadequacy."</blockquote>




I'm sorry you went through that  
I feel so bad. SO has too lost erections during sex because he's started thinking of me with other men. Though I've never said someone else's name.
I'd never admit this him because it would hurt him but I feel pretty terrible.