Bonding/attachment

Please don't quote.

Ever since my almost 6 year old was born I've found that mother-child bond hard to come by with her.

I love her and like being her mom, but don't feel like I enjoy it the way I should.

Since having my son last month I notice it a lot more.

Am I just a terrible mom or are there "actual" reasons for this?

Again, please don't quote.

Pretty sure there is a reason.
Did you experience any trauma during your pregnancy/birth?

i'm not really sure what you mean.

sometimes i feel like it's unreal that my son is mine. and i didn't get that full release of bonding hormones when i had him because i had a c section without any labor. it was all so weird and i was so high afterward. so it's just a weird feeling sometimes. but i love him so much it makes my heart want to explode at the same time.
and i do enjoy being his mother but sometimes i daydream about living my life like normal 20 year olds...
is that kinda how you feel? just kind of like the whole thing is surreal?

Quoting That Black Kid™:" Pretty sure there is a reason. Did you experience any trauma during your pregnancy/birth?"

The first few months her dad put me through hell. He was mentally, emotionally, sexually abusive. I left him when I was about 5 months pregnant.

Nothing especially traumatic, but I was very alone during the pregnancy. My mom refused to talk to me about anything to do with it. Her dad was obviously no help, and I didn't tell many of my friends until closer to my due date because I was still in high school.

I feel like these are all just excuses though. Like.. if I was any kind of mom it shouldn't matter what kind of stuff I went through, I should feel the same way about her despite all that.

Do you mean it feels different with your son?

I never felt the natural immediate bond, I've had to work really hard with both of my children, I am not a naturally nurturing person, it is hard for me. I feel like I go through the motions a lot.

Quoting Chim Richalds:" Do you mean it feels different with your son? I never felt the natural immediate bond, I've had to work ... [snip!] ... with both of my children, I am not a naturally nurturing person, it is hard for me. I feel like I go through the motions a lot."

It was immediate with my son. I love being his mom. I feel that mushy mom stuff they advertise in movies about the mom-child bond, if that makes sense.

I feel very little of that with my daughter. I love her, obviously, but I don't get that same joy as I do with my son.

Quoting Love Wedge +2:" It was immediate with my son. I love being his mom. I feel that mushy mom stuff they advertise in movies ... [snip!] ... sense. I feel very little of that with my daughter. I love her, obviously, but I don't get that same joy as I do with my son."

i don't think you're a bad mom and i think some of it probably has to do with what her dad has done to you.
i've known a lot of people who bond more with the child who's father did them better. please don't take this the wrong way...but a therapist may be able to help you unlock some more bonding emotions toward her.

Quoting SaraSaraBoBara:" i don't think you're a bad mom and i think some of it probably has to do with what her dad has done ... [snip!] ... please don't take this the wrong way...but a therapist may be able to help you unlock some more bonding emotions toward her."

His dad has been a real nightmare as well. Not quite as bad as her dad, but definitely not a walk in the park, either.

Actually, I just learned today that there's a nurse I talked to while my son was in the NICU (he was 5 weeks early) that specializes in PPD. I'm going to give her a call after the weekend and set something up with her.

Quoting Love Wedge +2:" It was immediate with my son. I love being his mom. I feel that mushy mom stuff they advertise in movies ... [snip!] ... sense. I feel very little of that with my daughter. I love her, obviously, but I don't get that same joy as I do with my son."

I had pretty bad PPD with my daughter and none with my son. I actually feel like giving birth to my son cured the PPD I had with my daughter. Two totally different experiences. And I feel guilty about that too.

Although I don't feel depressed anymore, some residual feelings remain, only with my daughter. I am extremely paranoid with her, check on her constantly, etc. while I feel calm and laid back about my son, and I feel excessive guilt for not doing everything perfectly with her, and I don't feel that with my son either.

Do you think it could be something like that?

I know how you feel. I have never bonded with my oldest either. After her birth I was transferred was to the hospital and ended up with a blood transfusion the first day of her life she mainly spent with her dad. She now has a great bond with het dad. I had instant bonds with my other two kids . A few years ago I decided that exepting I would never gave a connection to my own child wasn't an option and I needed to work on our relationship and that is what I have been doing ever sense. I have created things only her and I do and making an effort to talk to her and tell her how much I love her. It has taken time but I have gotten results. A few years ago she would only give me hugs when I begged and she never asked for me when she wad hurt. Now I get random hugs and sometimes she calls for me first. Its not easy creating a connection bit you can do it. I love my daughter and I never want her to think I care about her sister and brotherore so I make great effort to bond any way I can.

I am really bonded with my son. He's my only child & I am really fearful I will feel this way with my next baby. Is that weird?
IDK, I am really worried about that. That is part of the reason I haven't had another child yet.