Quoting LysW:" thank yuo everyone! i don't really want to take meds but i can't live llike this. My kids have no ... [snip!] ... to put on a fake face is not something i have ever done but i have had to this last year. i feel like everyone will judge me. "
I know how you feel about not wanting to take meds.. but since I've struggled with this my entire life, there came a point where I just had to say 'enough is enough.' I was exhausted by it.. exhausted with struggling to control it, frequently failing, "self-medicating" with substances.. doing whatever I could to manage it and still failing.
Of course, even counseling and meds don't "cure" it.. But for me there came a time when I was just too smurfing exhausted to keep holding it down without help.. and treating it (whether through counseling, meds, or both) will dramatically improve the quality of your life and the lives of those you love who are affected by it.