always put your babys to rest....

hi my name is Donna I live in England, when i had my first baby i went full term and he was born in july 1991, i sailed through the pregnancy......Then in Oct 1992 i found out i was pregnant again i did not tell anyone for a few weeks by this time i was 4 months gone..i told my husband that day and we was both over the moon we went to his mum and told her and asked her if she would look after our other son while i went and told my parents that night his mum came down to look after our son so i said to my husband hang on il just nip to the loo before we go when i went i was bleeding i screamed and my husband came running up, we went streight to the hospital and they took me round the back, they cut my pants of made me turn my head away ( which a nurse held ) and they did things and went, i was told to have a wash and get back on the bed and in the morning have a scan, my mum and dad came up and they went mad ect about the way i was treated, they took me to a ward and told me to bed rest the next day i went for a scan and i was shocked that i could see a baby???? they said it just a spot of bleeding but i must still have bed rest......i later went home and they brought the bed down stairs for me but every time i got out of bed i would bleed really bad, after a few days we went back to the hospital and they said its normal and just to have plenty of bed rest, a few more weeks past and i was having loads of pains so i went into hosptial and they put the machine on that looks at your baby heart rate ect then i wanted to push so they pressed the button and rushed me to the theatea when they open the doors they must have been 20 people in that room next thing my legs were up in the straps and my nighty cut off gas and air and at that point i passed out when i did wake up i was in a room and a man doctor came in the room and sat on my bed ( i will never forget this ) he said to me..they is a 50/50 chance that your baby will live if it dies do you want us to take it away or do you want to look at it i screamed and told him to get out, my husband,mum came running in and they went mad at the doctor then i went back to the ward....thats when another doctor came to me and said well Donna you have lost the other twin and the nurse hit him and said she does not now???? i cryed and said why was i not told they said they did not want to upset me anymore incase i lose this one but they could have told my husband or my mum.....anyway i went home and i was 26 weeks when during the night i was getting alot of pain and when the morning came i got up and had a wash and changed and went to my husbands cusions ( even though i should not go out ) were she just had a little boy and the midwife was they, i was just having a bru when i felt loads of blood coming away from me they rushed me back to the hosptial i had loads of injections to try and stop the labour and also to for its lungs, i finally fell asleep my mum said i was asleep for about a hour then i woke up shouting im sat on its head my mum pulled back the sheets and blood was pouring out of me and dripping of the bed next thing i know i was knocked out and i woke up a week later with a baby boy weighing 2lb 60z and he was in baby care....i went to see him and i could not get close to him for some reason......i told them to take all wires of him and to let him go i was heart broken i could not cope.....i had people to come and see me and i finally got told to stop being silly and go see my baby boy so i did i went and i looked after him after 4 months he came home .....i truly did love him but something was telling me inside that i could not get close to him has he killed my other twin....i did not know why then after 16 years my son said to me can i talk to you i said yes, he said why do you not love me the same has my brother and why do you not cuddle me....i was crying and i started to tell him how i felt so we both looked at each other i got up cuddled him and told him i loved him ( after 16 years this was the first time i really ment it ) so i said il tell you want lets get some help so we went to see a councillor omg....best thing we ever did we are truly so close now and they found out i was like that because i was told to get on with my life and forget about the other baby i lost..THATS WRONG TO DO....i know have a place were i finally put the baby to rest and it has helped me so much...so what im trying to say is DONT LET ANYONE TELL YOU just to get on with your life after loosing a baby you need to be able to put the baby to rest.... i hope you understand what i was saying xxx my baby boy is 19 years old and is has atisum but hes the best thing ever xxxx

It's like one huge paragraph..

You all must have some crazy malpractice over there because that medical treatment sounds like something barbaric! It's very sad how you were treated and that you lost your baby but i would have never blamed it on my other child i have a hard time understanding that part of it but i guess each to their own.

I would have filed a malpractice suit or something. That doesn't sound right at all! Sorry for your loss.

Your experience sounds absolutely horrible, but your son did not "kill his twin." Good to hear that you both received counseling and are doing better. Did you file a complaint about your doctor or anything?
My condolences.