Deadbeat

I'm officially to the point where I have no more strings attached to douche. I shut off his PGE, could give a rats ass if I ever see the $800 he owes me for the apartment and he's never going to keep a job, so child support will be fun if it ever happens. It's been over 3 weeks since he last saw his daughter. He sent me a text about a week ago saying he knew he was a POS and a terrible father..and sounded almost suicidal. I've been very distant, but have certainly put far too much effort into wondering when or if or how often he would be there for his daughter. Well, I've had it. I don't give a smurf what people think or if he wants to pretend to his friends/girlfriends that I am keeping him from her. It's never been anywhere near the truth. however, at this point, IF he ever asks for her, I will tell him no. Or actually, I'll just never respond... I'm sure he will fade away. I have peace finally in this situation.. although it's not at ALL how I imagined it to be. I think ANY sort of contact with him and the baby would be far more devastating to her in the long run than having a "dad" who is only there when he is in a bipolar upswing or trying to prove something to a girlfriend. Has anyone else made this same decision?

Yep, just recently.

A few years ago (after 7 years of no contact) my sons dad waltzed back into their lives. After making a complete ass of himself he has decided to write them off saying "when they are adults they can come find me if they want".

If he changes his mind in the interim.. he can go smurf himself, I'm not going to let him hurt them again.

Quoting The Great Mustachio:" Yep, just recently. A few years ago (after 7 years of no contact) my sons dad waltzed back into their ... [snip!] ... me if they want". If he changes his mind in the interim.. he can go smurf himself, I'm not going to let him hurt them again."

Okay. I just want some reccomendations from moms who have gone through this. And that's exactly what I see happening.. He has CONVINCED himself that HE is not the problem, but I am... so he can go on thinking that.. as long as he doesn't hurt her, I can handle it form here on out.

Good for you, mama.
I hate when men are the irresponsible, deadbeat pricks and turn around and tell everyone the mother of their child keeps them away. Honestly, I've not met one real woman whose ever chosen to keep a good father away from his child. Even more so, I hate the women that blindly believe those men..
Anyway, I've never walked completely away, but I came extremely close to having to with my daughter's dad. He got addicted to drugs during my pregnancy and acted so erratic, and downright crazy, that I had to call the police on him on several occasions and finally told him enough was enough and if he didn't seek help, my daughter and I would move away and never look back. I encouraged him to be there for his daughter from day 1, but instead of stepping up, he checked out. I was literally to the point where I was writing my daughter a letter to read when she grew up about how her father was just a very lost person who was sick and unable to be a positive force in her life, when he checked himself into rehab after some legal trouble and he has been clean ever since and is the man I love again and a great daddy to our little girl.
So, I guess my point is, I can relate to the notion of having to accept that things won't work out. You know what's best for your daughter and I'm sorry that this is it. It's our job as parents to weed out the negative people who will contribute nothing to our children, and that sounds like exactly what you've done. Do you know how many women don't do that? I know it's hard, but good for you.

Quoting Is that still my name?:" Okay. I just want some reccomendations from moms who have gone through this. And that's exactly what ... [snip!] ... not the problem, but I am... so he can go on thinking that.. as long as he doesn't hurt her, I can handle it form here on out."

Yep, same here. I am the bitch queen from hell that has taken his kids away from him.

And by that it means I asked him to not get drunk and beat his wife in front of them. God, I am SUCH a BITCH!

Smurfing losers, these guys.

Quoting K. P. Walsh:" Good for you, mama. I hate when men are the irresponsible, deadbeat pricks and turn around and tell everyone ... [snip!] ... and that sounds like exactly what you've done. Do you know how many women don't do that? I know it's hard, but good for you. "

That's GREAT for you! That's all I ever hoped for him. But it's never going to happen. Was it hard bringing him back around her after so long? That's what I was fighting for... in the CHANCE he eventually got his smurf together, I didn't want to deprive her of knowing who her dad was. But I really don't think she would remember him at this point.

I haven't been there, but my mom did it for me.
My dad was an alcoholic and meth addict. He tried to kidnap me from my mom's house when I was 3 months old to try to get money out of her.
She slapped him with a restraining order and moved out of her house the same week.
Hopefully your ex isn't as crazy as my father was, but her shutting him completely out of our lives was the best thing she could have done for me.

Quoting RyanKarlie:" I haven't been there, but my mom did it for me. My dad was an alcoholic and meth addict. He tried to ... [snip!] ... as crazy as my father was, but her shutting him completely out of our lives was the best thing she could have done for me."

That's great to hear.

Quoting The Great Mustachio:" Yep, same here. I am the bitch queen from hell that has taken his kids away from him. And by that it ... [snip!] ... it means I asked him to not get drunk and beat his wife in front of them. God, I am SUCH a BITCH! Smurfing losers, these guys."

Ha ha ha. Yes... BOTH times he walked out on me, he lost his job right after. He has only bought diaper TWO TIME and she is almost 16 months old. EVERYTHING she owns I bought her. The apartment he is staying in I GAVE him and is now getting evicted from, even before he lost his job, because he was too busy spending his money on his computer, pot and trying to get laid.

I agree with the other poster, the women who buy into these dipsmurfs just attest me.... they really have no damn respect for themselves or their children...

Quoting Is that still my name?:" That's GREAT for you! That's all I ever hoped for him. But it's never going to happen. Was it hard bringing ... [snip!] ... I didn't want to deprive her of knowing who her dad was. But I really don't think she would remember him at this point."

It was incredibly hard. There was bitterness, mistrust, and honestly, fear. It's still a work in progress but like I said, he's the person I know again.
But when I was pregnant, I fought so hard for him to have the honor of knowing our daughter and it just meant nothing to him. I fought and forgave to the point of stupidity which I never should have done while he was on drugs, but I did. I wanted it so badly but I was the only one fighting and when I realized that, I stopped. It just came down to the fact that I felt I couldn't expose her to someone who wasn't dedicated to her like I was. I couldn't expose her to someone who was so smurfed up to be blunt. I didn't want to taint her perception of right and wrong and normalcy at an early age.
I've learned you just won't get anywhere if you're the only one fighting. You can't want it for someone. Until they wake up on day and see the light or have an epiphany, I think it's best to keep the door closed. Even then, it's hard. But some people do change. My boyfriend is proof. However, had he not gotten clean, or God forbid EVER uses again, as bad as it hurts, we're so out it's not even funny.
I began writing my daughter a long letter while I pregnant so I'd be able to someday answer the tough questions in a way that showed her how hard I fought and how hard I tried... maybe that's something you could do?
If he doesn't want to be a part of your daughter's life, some amazing man will. A father isn't always biological. But I know it hurts because you think it's going to hurt your baby someday.

Quoting K. P. Walsh:" It was incredibly hard. There was bitterness, mistrust, and honestly, fear. It's still a work in progress ... [snip!] ... man will. A father isn't always biological. But I know it hurts because you think it's going to hurt your baby someday. "

Yes. I feel the exact same you described. The reason I fought so hard FAAARRRR beyond stupidity, was because I honestly believed he would come around and all the hurt that could happen in the mean time would just be more hardship to work through in the future. I still think he will come around... but I'm not going to allow it. Period. Ever. And once I made that decision, it was easy. I do 100% believe there are a million other men out there who would be more of a father to her than he could ever be. And that keeps me strong for her... it's always been about her.

GOOD FOR YOU!

when i found out i was pregnant and told my ex he has another baby on the way, the first thing he told me was "oh what a pitty, u should have just swollowed" how can a man say something like that about his own child!!!
then when he was out of the country on vacation, i found out the sex of the baby and found out shes a girl, once i told him this he said "oh i already have one of those..." :,(

Quoting lillys'mommy:" when i found out i was pregnant and told my ex he has another baby on the way, the first thing he told ... [snip!] ... i found out the sex of the baby and found out shes a girl, once i told him this he said "oh i already have one of those..." :,("

WOW... don't even BOTHER with him. Don't learn the hard way like I did. Cut him out now and then you can start living the life you and your daughter need and deserve. It's nice being a single parent... you get to make ALL the decisions and not have to wonder whether or not someone else is going to be there or not. And when you stay and stick true to your own family, you'll find the one who will complete it...truly.

yeah i know =[ i havnt even bothered with him since then. i gave him one more chance when it came to seeing the sonogram for the babys organs to see if shes okay, and he stood me up and called a week later asking if she was still alive. ever since then i havnt talked to him and that was 3 months ago. im afraid hes going to try and be in her life when she gets here...i mean i have all this in emails he had sent to me, so i could possibly use that as proof if it comes down to it, right?