Quoting Is that still my name?:" That's GREAT for you! That's all I ever hoped for him. But it's never going to happen. Was it hard bringing ... [snip!] ... I didn't want to deprive her of knowing who her dad was. But I really don't think she would remember him at this point."
It was incredibly hard. There was bitterness, mistrust, and honestly, fear. It's still a work in progress but like I said, he's the person I know again.
But when I was pregnant, I fought so hard for him to have the honor of knowing our daughter and it just meant nothing to him. I fought and forgave to the point of stupidity which I never should have done while he was on drugs, but I did. I wanted it so badly but I was the only one fighting and when I realized that, I stopped. It just came down to the fact that I felt I couldn't expose her to someone who wasn't dedicated to her like I was. I couldn't expose her to someone who was so smurfed up to be blunt. I didn't want to taint her perception of right and wrong and normalcy at an early age.
I've learned you just won't get anywhere if you're the only one fighting. You can't want it for someone. Until they wake up on day and see the light or have an epiphany, I think it's best to keep the door closed. Even then, it's hard. But some people do change. My boyfriend is proof. However, had he not gotten clean, or God forbid EVER uses again, as bad as it hurts, we're so out it's not even funny.
I began writing my daughter a long letter while I pregnant so I'd be able to someday answer the tough questions in a way that showed her how hard I fought and how hard I tried... maybe that's something you could do?
If he doesn't want to be a part of your daughter's life, some amazing man will. A father isn't always biological. But I know it hurts because you think it's going to hurt your baby someday.