re: self harm

Quoting P3RvYmCp3rv:" I don't have control over my life and never have. Maybe if I wasn't raped at 10, molested at 12, raped ... [snip!] ... control the fact that I'll never have a penny and that most likely I'll be homeless in 2 months. none of that matters though. "

It seems like it is a coping method due to stress and uncertainty there is a big difference between cutting a nail biting but whenever I loose whatever control I feel I have over a situation I begin biting my nails and I will bite them till the bleed and still not stop I have caused infections and have problems with in grown nails now and it is extremely painful but when I am going through those moments as bad as it sounds the pain is a release and to me that is what it sounds like for you. I understand the rape and molestation part I myself was molested twice when I was 16 and raped when I was 17 and I know people say eventually you wont think of it but I will still have vivid nightmares every year around the time it happened and panic attacks it's not easy and although counseling can help it doesn't fix it.

Like many of the other girls have said find something to focus your energy on no matter how small or big it is just find something it is the only way not to hurt yourself and don't get discouraged if you slip every once in a while its normal to just pick yourself back up after.

Quoting P3RvYmCp3rv:" and I can't use a rubber band. They contain latex   "

I'm allergic to latex, It added to the pain for me.  

<blockquote><b>Quoting P3RvYmCp3rv:</b>" 4 years of therapy did nothing for me so ehh. I only get like this once in a great while and it is when ... [snip!] ... person and why not? I mean what is the point? The kids never see it, SO doesn't notice it, my family doesn't notice it so yea. "</blockquote>

You do have control. You are in control of your body at this very moment. You are worth more than the scars. It will feel like a release and then you'll regret the scabs. It doesn't matter who sees the marks. It matters that you know that you I
Did that to yourself.
You had no control over being abused over and over. That was Not and again I say NOT your fault. You are a survivor.
Hold on. Write it out. I'm sure you have a pen and paper. Write it long hand. Whatever you are feeling. If you're not a writer, draw, paint... Go for a walk. Talk to us. Have a conversation.

Quoting Jax.:" I'm allergic to latex, It added to the pain for me.  "

yeaaa I'm supposed to carry an epi pen with me but ehhh might be worth dying (totally kidding about that one) seriously though I'm dopped up on benadryl every day for just in cases.

Quoting boobook:" <blockquote><b>Quoting P3RvYmCp3rv:</b>" 4 years of therapy did nothing for me so ... [snip!] ... it long hand. Whatever you are feeling. If you're not a writer, draw, paint... Go for a walk. Talk to us. Have a conversation."

a walk would be great or a 30 minute sleep period without getting woken up would be great.

<blockquote><b>Quoting P3RvYmCp3rv:</b>" a walk would be great or a 30 minute sleep period without getting woken up would be great. "</blockquote>


Can you do either?

Quoting boobook:" <blockquote><b>Quoting P3RvYmCp3rv:</b>" a walk would be great or a 30 minute sleep period without getting woken up would be great. "</blockquote> Can you do either?"

nope...no babysitter...and there is no way I'm dragging the kids out at midnight.

<blockquote><b>Quoting P3RvYmCp3rv:</b>" nope...no babysitter...and there is no way I'm dragging the kids out at midnight. "</blockquote>

Go to bed? And get some sleep?

Quoting boobook:" <blockquote><b>Quoting P3RvYmCp3rv:</b>" nope...no babysitter...and there is no way I'm dragging the kids out at midnight. "</blockquote> Go to bed? And get some sleep?"

I wish. Wide awake 2 yr old plus have company coming over tomorrow so yea I gotta finish my house. One of my friend's is coming over to tiddy up while I'm at work but ehhh I'm doing laundry and such too so yea. I'll be up for a while.

<blockquote><b>Quoting P3RvYmCp3rv:</b>" I wish. Wide awake 2 yr old plus have company coming over tomorrow so yea I gotta finish my house. One ... [snip!] ... friend's is coming over to tiddy up while I'm at work but ehhh I'm doing laundry and such too so yea. I'll be up for a while. "</blockquote>

Damn. I'm avoiding my 6 load pile on my couch of clean laundry. One load has been there since last Monday, as in a week ago... Eeeeek. Okay, so technically that load is draped over the side waiting for hangers...
That's nice you have a friend coming to help you (:
I think I would friggin freak out if my kid was up this late :/ hope you can rest soon!

Quoting P3RvYmCp3rv:" Honestly...not sure. Its just always been there when all else fails. And its like it is my dirty little ... [snip!] ... I do it because I want to die...I want to know I'm still alive and that I'm not dreaming and it just makes me feel the above. "

I know. I used to cut. I haven't in... wow... a long time... 8, 9, 10 years?

I know you don't want to die. It's not the point of cutting.

I did it to feel real, to punish myself, and for the chemical release. It's an addiction.

It seems like you do it because because you want to know that you are real. Does that sound accurate? Do you know what it is about life that makes you feel disassociated from it?

Quoting Fat-and-Happy:" I know. I used to cut. I haven't in... wow... a long time... 8, 9, 10 years? I know you don't want ... [snip!] ... know that you are real. Does that sound accurate? Do you know what it is about life that makes you feel disassociated from it?"

Sounds right on and I don't know honestly. I just don't feel like myself anymore.

I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this tough time. I haven't self harmed in like 5 years. It felt like an addiction to me when I was doing it. I still feel like doing it too sometimes when things get stressful or I feel down. I look at my scars and just tell myself that I am about to be a mother, I need to be a good influence, to teach my child the right ways to express myself. & then I also think about how long it's been and I don't want to let myself down because in a lot of my life I have been a disappointment to myself but if I can't give myself another reason to be a disappointment. Maybe try and think of all the good things you have in life and try to be strong for yourself and your children.

<blockquote><b>Quoting P3RvYmCp3rv:</b>" Sounds right on and I don't know honestly. I just don't feel like myself anymore. "</blockquote>


Have you ever tried the cold shower or seeing how long you could hold your hand in a bucket of ice water? Some people also eat really hot peppers or snap themselves with a rubber band as an alternative.

Quoting Fat-and-Happy:" <blockquote><b>Quoting P3RvYmCp3rv:</b>" Sounds right on and I don't know honestly. ... [snip!] ... hand in a bucket of ice water? Some people also eat really hot peppers or snap themselves with a rubber band as an alternative."

yeap...sucky thing about loosing feeling in your hands ice doesn't work.   I can't tell you how many times I've set my hand on a hot burner only to have burns because I couldn't feel it. rubber bands have latex so that is a no. Hot peppers I would probably love lol. I'm bored of the jalopeanos and they don't fix my craving.