I have no desire to do anything. I get up with the kids and I sit on the couch and just stare at the TV or computer. The only thing I manage to get done is feeding and changing the baby. I havent actually cooked a meal since before the baby was born. I dont eat unless my husband makes me. I have no desire to eat nor do I feel hungry. I have tried to go grocery shopping but the second I get in the store I get overwhelmed and I walk around aimlessly and leave with nothing. My husband has to tell me to get into the shower because I would just stay in my pajamas all day long and do nothing.
I havent cleaned my house since the baby was born. My house is starting to look like an episode from the show hoarders. I have tried to clean and I just cant do it. I get so anxious and I cant even focus or find a place to start. My husband has always been a lazy ass and never helps around the house therefore it just stays messy because I cant deal with it.
I have no patience for my 4 year old. I yell almost constantly and cant stand her behavior. I know she is acting up because I dont play or do anything with her since the baby has been born. Before the baby came I spent my days doing whatever she wanted to do. Now sometimes I wish I didnt have her. She doesnt deserve a mother like this.
Then I feel guilty about the smurffy mom I have become since having the baby and I feel like the kids would be better off if I wasnt here. I cant handle being alone when my husband is at work. My anxiety gets really bad and I feel like I want to just end it all so I dont have to listen to the crying and whining from the kids. When my husband is home he just gets on my nerves and I keep thinking that we should get divorced so I wouldnt have to deal with his stupid ass.
Part of my really wishes I was still pregnant so I would be normal again or that I had never gotten pregnant in the first place because I would have my life back. I am at a loss of what to do. I have my 6 week check up next week and I know my husband is going with to discuss what has been going on. I am afraid of what they are going to suggest or do. Has anyone else experience PPD like this and now they are normal again? I feel like its completely hopeless.
Definitely bring it up at your appointment. Hopefully they will prescribe you something to help. I have depression issues outside of pregnancy and it just gets amplified during and after pregnancy. It happens but it sucks, your doctor will totally understand and hopefully things can start getting back on track. One day at a time...best of luck
I was feeling that way, too!! I still do somedays. I'm 3wks 1d PP and 2weeks ago I felt it coming on- hard! So I talked to my Dr. when I got my staples removed and he prescribed me Xanax for my severe anxiety and Celexa for my depression. It's benefits outweigh the risk while breastfeeding because I needed it! I was just like you describe- I was freaking out on my kids, I wanted to murder my husband and I just pretty much felt like total smurf through and through. I was crying atleast 20x a day amd I stopped eating. I knew I needed help before it got worse. I had it with my last boy and I had let myself get to the point where I would imagine just driving off a bridge to end it all. Other people can't understand how hard it is unless they've been there and trust me, I've been there! But you can get help. I don't like the idea of taking drugs like I do to make me sane, but if my kids are happy and I actually can stand to hear their screechy voices again( lol) then it's definitely worth it!! I've been on my meds about 2wks now amd they're starting to work wonders- I actually did the different character voices at story time tonight and was able to handle my friends visit with her 3kids today!! That was unthinkable even a week ago! So just tell your Dr. you need help and don't be ashamed. Just because people don't openly discuss it doesn't mean that it doesn't happen or that it's not real! And congratulations on your new baby- and don't worry, you'll be enjoying life amd your little blessings again soon enough!
I feel for you. I got Dx with PPD a few weeks ago. and have been on Celexa ever since. It changed my world. i have been in a depression for months to be honest. And after the baby was born I couldn't function. It got so bad that I couldn't even ride in a car i would scream at the top of my lungs and have to stop the car and get out.
Now I smile. I even laugh. I actually have lost 40 pounds since having my baby. And i am feeling great. I thought I was going to be in that hopeless hole forever and I never wanted to take pills to get better. i didn't think they would homestly help. They did. And my Doc is great so she helped alot.
The nurse that i have had the entire pregnancy also came over one night so i could get out of the house alone.