Assisted living or live in person?

I am posting this in concern of my father. I love my daddy to death, he's everything to me. He's 52 and has been limited to a wheel chair since 2000. He has handled this well and he assured me he was okay for me to move out two years ago. Well just recently, the last six weeks or so, he has fallen out of his chair about five/six times. His arms have gotten weaker and he is unable to move himself as well, causing most of the issue, he can't move from the scooter chair to his couch as easily, or the chair to his shower chair. I do not know what this is caused by, he has an appointment in three weeks and I will ask him to discuss with his doctor, because for it to be occuring this often in this short of time, it's odd, in my opinion.

My issue is I don't like seeing my father bruised from falling and buckling between his chair and where ever he fell. Yesterday he fell and he has a huge bruise on his torso, but he says he feels fine. He has scrape from falling off his shower chair, which has NEVER been an issue. I visit him daily, but I am a student and I work, so I can't be there all the time. We have discussed moving closer to him, but are locked into our current lease for almost a full year. I love my daddy and I'm concerned for him. The second time he fell, we got him one of the call necklaces that he can push and call for help, but he refuses to use it. We have his phone velcroed to his chair (velcro on the phone, velcro on the chair, sticks them together) He will grab his phone and call me, and I will go help him or if I can't, either my SO or cousin will.

We discussed maybe it's time for him to not live alone anymore. He doesn't want to give up his independence, which I understand, but I'm terrified of him being hurt. He stays with us most of the weekend, but it's inconvinent for him because we have a staircase that he has to climb to get to the restroom. It takes all his might along with my SO and his cousin to get him up the stairs. This apartment is not set up like his home, which has a ramp, there are bars in the bathroom and in various spots to help him. His bed is at the height so he can just lift up the arm of his chair and roll, for lack of a better word. I don't know if someone has a similar situation and a good solution? It would break his heart to be in assisted living, or at least I think it would. He worked hard to pay for his home, and to lose that, I can't imagine. I don't know if there is a way to have a live in someone (like a nanny/maid) He has a maid, but she only comes for an hour or two every Tuesday and Friday. She is an immense help, but I need someone there more. We have no family that can pick up and move in, and I am talking to our manager about getting out of our lease or changing to a 6 month lease, but I do not know yet.

Especially with us TTC, I can't lift a 200 pound man if I am pregnant, so this is a concern of mine.

Check resources in your area the may have someone that can come in to your dads home assist him with whatever he needs assist with Arrands groceries cooking hygiene cleaning ect that way your dad can maintain his independence and not be moved we have several in our infact the association I work for offers supported independent living

I worked in several assisted livings and I would suggest home care. He might not even need a live in person, but someone who stops by to help him cook, clean, shower, ect. Anything he may need. He is still young so having someone live in may make him feel like he has completely lost his independence. Not to mention you will have the ability to adjust the hours that someone is coming to assist him. If you find that it's too much you can lower, if you find that it's not enough you can add more. I think that would be a good place to start.

Quoting Mrs cree:" Check resources in your area the may have someone that can come in to your dads home assist him with ... [snip!] ... his independence and not be moved we have several in our infact the association I work for offers supported independent living"

We looked into Home Instead, but he needs a doctor's recommendation, which I'm hoping for at the appointment. We would have to pay a 3 hour minimum, but each time they come, they can stay up to eight hours, quoted at $20/hour. If I could have them do eight and eight, the remainder of the time, I could be there, and he could be sleeping. He doesn't want help at all though, he only took the necklace because I was in tears.

i agree. try a home care situation. someone come and stay with him for the majority of the day just to help him out if he needs it and then he doesn't have to wait for someone to get to him if he falls.
hopefully, with someone there, he won't have any more falls at all. goodluck. i'll be thinking about you and your dad.

Quoting Smartass *TNTC*:" I worked in several assisted livings and I would suggest home care. He might not even need a live in ... [snip!] ... it's too much you can lower, if you find that it's not enough you can add more. I think that would be a good place to start."

Thank you. Since you've worked in it, can I ask if there's any suggestion where he gets the supervision that comforts me while getting the non supervision that comforts him? He only agrees with the maid because he can't reach to dust and doing laundry is difficult for him.

Quoting Cattails:" We looked into Home Instead, but he needs a doctor's recommendation, which I'm hoping for at the appointment. ... [snip!] ... be there, and he could be sleeping. He doesn't want help at all though, he only took the necklace because I was in tears. "

Is he on Medicaid/Medicare?

If he is resistant to aid then I would definitely not put him in assisted living.

Quoting Smartass *TNTC*:" Is he on Medicaid/Medicare? If he is resistant to aid then I would definitely not put him in assisted living."

I know he has Medicare A B and D, I think the A is hospital, B is office visits and D is medicine? I'm not sure what else is covered, as far as if there could be an allowance for home care?

Quoting Cattails:" Thank you. Since you've worked in it, can I ask if there's any suggestion where he gets the supervision ... [snip!] ... that comforts him? He only agrees with the maid because he can't reach to dust and doing laundry is difficult for him. "

I know with my aunt she had her doctor recomment home health aide and medicade did cover like 10 hours a week or something? Every little bit helps!

Your father might be resistant at first, but typically you will set hours and he will receive the same health care aid or maybe 2 people, all the time. Home health aids are typically great about building relationships so it feels less "Oh I need her" and more "I enjoy the time I spend with them" which helps the patient feel more comfortable with the idea.

Realistically your dad probably knows he needs the help. Dads are so damn stubborn. They want to be the hero, not feel helpless. The company you hire always has plans and ways they go about helping new patients that make it feel less invasive and more helpful!

If you end up private paying you may even find someone who is an STNA who can go help your dad, but is open to the idea of being more "maid" like.

Quoting Smartass *TNTC*:" I know with my aunt she had her doctor recomment home health aide and medicade did cover like 10 hours ... [snip!] ... paying you may even find someone who is an STNA who can go help your dad, but is open to the idea of being more "maid" like."

Thank you so much. The maid we have is a great woman, but she's more frail than I am and can't actually help move him, but she is like a second pair of eyes for me. She gets him talking, I think she helps a lot with keeping him from being depressed. His wife died in 2008 so these last few years have been an adjustment, because where I was doing 25-50% of the work, I'm now the only one helping him daily, and I don't mind at all, but I think he gets less help than he really needs because he's afraid of feeling intrusive in my life. I wish he understood the rest of my life can stand still, he's my primary concern.

Quoting Cattails:" Thank you so much. The maid we have is a great woman, but she's more frail than I am and can't actually ... [snip!] ... afraid of feeling intrusive in my life. I wish he understood the rest of my life can stand still, he's my primary concern. "

My dad will be 80 in May. Luckily my mom is younger than him so she helps, and he really gets around quite well for an 80 year old. But he has a REALLY hard time letting my DH do yard work for them and stuff that he just CAN'T do anymore. It's a pride thing with men. It makes him feel like he cannot provide for his family, and that we think less of him, simply because he can't climb a tree to cut a limb down. Men are so much harder to take care of medically, than women are.

Quoting Smartass *TNTC*:" My dad will be 80 in May. Luckily my mom is younger than him so she helps, and he really gets around ... [snip!] ... him, simply because he can't climb a tree to cut a limb down. Men are so much harder to take care of medically, than women are."

I'm glad your mother can help. My mother helps when absolutely necessary, they were together when he had his accident and she dealt with him learning how to work his body, but it ended up not only was he crippled, but also their marriage. She was in the neighborhood visiting a friend when he fell one time and I thought I would never hear the end of it for having her help him, as I had a class starting in five minutes with an exam I could not miss.

I guess I'm just upset because of how fast this has become an issue. We did our annual trip to NYC August 8th, and he was fine. He was able to get out of his chair into my SUV without too much difficulty and we were able to use his manual wheelchair, didn't need the scooter. He could roll himself easily. Now I don't know if it's his spirits or what, but when he's here, he rolls incredibly slow and ragged, or we just push him (my SUV is not equipped to transport his electric chair, we use the wheelchair that folds and fits into the back)

<blockquote><b>Quoting Cattails:</b>" I'm glad your mother can help. My mother helps when absolutely necessary, they were together when he ... [snip!] ... just push him (my SUV is not equipped to transport his electric chair, we use the wheelchair that folds and fits into the back)"</blockquote>




I also work @ an assisted living home. Look into hiring a pcp rather than a cna which will help you save money, since he doesn't sound like he needs skilled nursing. Is he on meds? A lot of the time when the dr adjusts their medication it can help with falling. I would see what the dr says