re: Super Bummed :(

Okay so I met SO in 2009. we got together and I was told he was an alcholic I really didn't know... anyways, he made a terrible choice to drink with his 15 yr old cousin. yes not cool. so he went though a huge court thing and was kicked out and came to live with me. He had no job. he would take my debit card and go buy booze... but I loved him. well one day i came home and steped in something gross, he was passed out on my couch. we lived on the first floor and he had my lap top on the table witht the door wide open. I was instapissed. I started yelling at him, bad idea, he flung me around like a rag doll, pushed me down and broke my phone. I found an old phone and left. went to a friends, shut off my debit card and stayed for a few hrs. I took my friends bf back with me and one of his friends. They talked to him and then So and I talked. He kept saying he was sorry over and over... I honestly thought he was. We were getting along but I didnt trust him at all..he slept on the couch. then the next morning he offered to cook me breakfast. cool... we had sex, he came inside me and said there now your pregnant. ( that was an smurf move and now looking back it was an attempt to keep me.) Little did I know while he was cooking breakfast he was drinking straight vodka and just the Koolaid mix like the powder, gross, I asked him for a sip because he was acting strange and he let me. well thats when all hell broke loose. we were argueing he broke my other phone by throwing it at the wall, slammed my bathroom door so hard it fell off the hinges, I was in the bathroom trying to lock it. he broke all my nails on one of my hands by ripping the door handle from my hand. He cornered me and told me to kiss him and tell him that I loved him. when I wouldnt he pushed me down on my bed and started to choke me I couldnt get him to stop I was begging for him to stop and at one point I didnt fight I thought just let go but I had fight and, i dug my nails so far in his arms to this day he has scars, he released, but that was the scariest thing that has ever happened to me. he saw the blood on his arm and started punching my legs I hit him and then he bit me in the back of my arm. I stood up after hitting him as hard as I could and he followed, The last thing I remember before I walked out the door was I pushed him over a laundry basket and him falling over, The smell of vodka still makes my stomach turn to this day. I drove to a friends house ( i had a key) her boyfriend called the cops. and my so was halled off to jail. Him and I had a no contact order. we didnt talk for a few weeks. I got a letter on facebook( yes I know breaking the law) saying he was sorry and he promised not to drink again. I took him back and went to court and asked for the no contact order to be removed 3 times. I asked for the charges to be dropped. they couldnt drop them it was the state against him. we got back together and not long after I took him back and we got engaged. yes I know everyone thought I was nuts. I moved to his side of the state and he would attend AA meetings and we were fine as long as he wasnt drinking... I loved him and thats all that mattered. we moved in together and things were good until he was laied off again.There were several fights over bills( I was paying them all) I didnt know but he was drinking and hiding it from me. we found out we were expecting our baby boy in february but I had gotten pregnant in December. ( I was in denial) we would fight all the time he thought i was cheating ( I never did) it was bad, he doused me with water when I was sleeping on valentines day that year I took a test and if it was positive I was going to stay but if it was negitive I was done. that was feb 2011. he went to jail May 4th. when i was 5 mos pregnant. I moved home and then waited. He was sober for 2 1/2 mos in jail. He found out the sex of our son in jail. After he was out we moved in with my friend. He got into her alcohol at her place and I was really upset. Sept 27th 2011 our son Leland was born. My friend told me 4 days before I was due that we had 1 week to get out. My parents opened their house up to him and it was great at first until my dad left for work. ( he works months at a time in the berring sea) Our son 2 weeks oldI had a c- section, He was drinking, my mom makes homemade wine and he found it, he cleaned out my parents liquer cabinet. We drove him to Meltrotter ministries in Grand Rapids and he has been there ever since. I was scared but I knew he needed it. He asked me for help and i told him this is his last chance to prove it to me. Now our relationship is stronger than ever, we look back and he still askes me why I stayed. I honestly dont know why I would have. He had graduated their program and he is 1 year sober. I am proud of him for comming so far. We just found out we are expecting our 2nd child. It is a surprise, and we will make it work. If he ever picks up the bottle again if he ever lays his hands on me like that again. i will be gone. I told him I will not tollerate it with our son around. I have to worry about Leland not my SO. .... sorry this is so long. pm me if you want. - Alyssa