What do you do....

What do you do when you think your SO's best friend is absolutely wrecking your relationship? What do you say?

I mean seriously.... we were broken up for a couple weeks and when I talked to his best friend that moved in, he said "Just remember, what you don't know can't hurt you." With regard to me saying I wasnt going to mess around and didnt WANT to, and it would devastate me if Tony did mess around. So he then said that. Thanks smurf.... you are a big help.

He then said smurf like "You have to deal with what you did to bring you guys to break up and you guys are going to be on a long break, be prepared for not being together for a long time." Oh, what did I do? SmUrfING NOTHING. Tony was talking about moving me in before this bastard came around and then Tony even hacked my smurfing phone and had a logger thing on it to see who I was texting, what I was saying, etc... I forgave him, we moved on.

But now Tony doesnt include me in Smurf he does. He doesn't call me to say goodnight. He doesnt want to talk on the phone everyday. But when we see each other hes all sweet as hell and all over me (not sexually, just hugging and such) saying "Damn I missed you." Yet his little smurfing friend comes around and we don't talk. He even said he didnt trust his BEST FRIEND to watch his son because hes in "single mode" and not being in father mode (he has 2 kids). So um, why the smurf would you have someone move in that you cant trust with your kid? He takes my SO out everywhere and I dont get invited.

Seriously, we were smurfing fine before this son of a bitch came around and it just seems like he is convincing my SO to be single or do single things or "what I dont know wont hurt me." SO knows that if he ever cheated again I;d never speak to him OR his son. He knows I will destroy his DJing career.... he knows Im dead smurfing serious because I will NOT go through that smurf again.

So what would you do if you had your SO living with some dude that is all smurfing about being single... what would you do if your SO was absolutely fantastic around you in person but so distant otherwise. It's killing me... we have been on and off for 8 years. 5 continuously. Its smurfing KILLING me and I just don't know how much more I can handle it. I mean we hung out last weekend, it was a really fun time. Yet his friend is wanting him to go visit his kids in Wyoming this weekend and I said "So does that mean I wont see you this weekend?" And he says "I just saw you last weekend." Oh okay, thanks. You see that bitch everyday and I guess I get every 2 weeks.

He is SOOOOOOO sweet when I get him away from his friend, and there are times he texts me (we text a smurf ton) and says the sweetest smurfing things. But then he gets with his friend and he practically smurfing ignores me. Im so smurfing hurt by him because this is NOT how he has ever been to me. Today he said I used to be so confident and now Im not and its a big turn off. ITS HIS FAULT!

I wish his friend would smurfing move back to Wyoming. At the end, when we got back together he said he realized just how much I loved him, how much he loved me, he hated seeing me hurt like I was and missed me and my daughter. The other day when I saw him he said "I really am missing Lily." But get him home with his bastard friend and he changes. My SO and I text a LOT.... like seriously a lot. We dont talk on the phone unless its to say goodnight or something important (he rarely calls to say goodnight though) but I am wondering if his friend is all "Dude you text too much, she has you on a leash" or something like that so when hes at home he acts different. Seriously, we text when hes at work or his parents house and hes fine. Get him at home? Another story.

I don't get it. Smurf I hate his friend. I used to like him too, a lot.

I couldn;t read this all, sorry. But honestly it sounds like this friend has a mad crush on your SO..and LOVING every minute he has with your SO.




--My SO had an obsessive friend..I nipped that in the butt quickly

Maybe it's time to back out a little bit. Don't always answer his calls and don't always seem like you're interested. He may be acting this way because he realizes that you love him so much that maybe he can have you when he's feeling Lonley but also not be tied down and be single in a sense. If he really wants to be with you realizing that you're suddenly not caring as much and backing away will make him see that you're not always going to be there just when it satisfies him.

Your SO's friend sounds very immature, and I wanna even say jealous of the what little attention your SO manages to give you. Sounded like he was even rubbing it in your face when you were broken up.

If you can get your SO alone, have a very frank discussion with him about the nature of this friendship. His friend sounds like an emotional vampire and if you find he is dragging your SO into a lot of things he didn't want to do, or your SO gets very little time to himself because his friend requires so much of it, that would be a big clue as to why he doesn't make time for you.

Quoting GrumpsMama.:" I couldn;t read this all, sorry. But honestly it sounds like this friend has a mad crush on your SO..and ... [snip!] ... your SO..and LOVING every minute he has with your SO. --My SO had an obsessive friend..I nipped that in the butt quickly "

That too.

It's going to have to be one way or the other, I doubt his friend will compromise at all. Just let him know how it is, it sounds like his friend is a deadbeat dad and he wants to drag your SO down too. I'm not sure why people do that, maybe it makes him feel better about not accepting responsibility. Don't let him walk all over you on this, you need to be firm and straight to the point. Let him know that it's you or his friend. If he chooses his friend, you didn't need him in the first place.

Quoting Abi Lynn:" It's going to have to be one way or the other, I doubt his friend will compromise at all. Just let him ... [snip!] ... to the point. Let him know that it's you or his friend. If he chooses his friend, you didn't need him in the first place. "

I will never make anyone choose me over someone else. I think that is unfair and can cause issues because of resentment. I don't believe in that. Plus, his friend was around when his son was born.... I have known him longer but he has been friend longer with him. My SO doesn't like my best friend but would never make me choose. I just can't do that. His friend is a smurf though... he moved to a different state and granted his boys are only 4 hours away, he's not in dad mode at all.

Quoting saageex3:" Maybe it's time to back out a little bit. Don't always answer his calls and don't always seem like you're ... [snip!] ... not caring as much and backing away will make him see that you're not always going to be there just when it satisfies him."

It sucks when I try doing that... it's like something happens and I dont tell him and later hes all "Why didnt you tell me?" Im all "Well I dont like texting important issues, you dont want to talk on the phone, so I didnt tell you."

Like seriously, we talked EVERY night together. For 5 years, we had our nightly talk. Then he stopped taking my calls at night and was only texting. He said he didnt want to talk every night because it wasnt special and not talking builds anticipation. He would NEVER normally say that smurf. Then one day I was really down and he called me. I called him the next night and he's all "I knew if I called when you'd ask it would open the door and you would want to talk every night." That hurt so smurfing bad. The other day he called 2 days in a row and I was honest with him, Im all "Why are you calling me? We talked last night." Hes all "I wanted to talk, so I called you. I thought you'd like it." I said "Yeah hun I do like it, but I'd like to talk sometimes too and thought you would like that too but obviously you dont anymore." So he knows Im pissed. His friend is smurfing doing something to his head because hes never, ever been this way toward me. EVER. He has said smurffy stuff but he was always loving toward me. And now he goes out and does smurf without inviting me and Im stuck at home doing nothing because no one I know will do smurf. I hate his friend. I used to love him, but this smurf is not like my SO. He was never like this  

I normally wouldn't, but if my SO's friend were coming into our relationship and making him act differently... I'm just saying if your best friend made you be irresponsible and be a dick to him, he'd probably have an issue too. Giving him an ultimatum may not be the right thing to do, but he's got to realize what's going on.

Quoting Derpy Hooves:" Your SO's friend sounds very immature, and I wanna even say jealous of the what little attention your ... [snip!] ... time to himself because his friend requires so much of it, that would be a big clue as to why he doesn't make time for you."

Oh yeah, he pissed me off in that conversation. To seriously say "Be ready for a long break, it won't be anytime soon" I was just like, really? Am I dating you? NO! Dude your boy hacked my smurfing phone, dont make it out to be like I did something wrong. When my SO cheated years ago he said he realized I was the most faithful girl he has ever had or will ever have. Then when he hacked my phone he said "Not that I ever doubted you, but now I know for sure how true to me you are." And he was so, sooooooo sweet and loving. He knows hes my number one. He knows Id never hurt him. But its like his friend is tainting his mind and pushing him to hurt me or thinkI would. Because seriously, my SO would of NEVER hacked my smurf. Then his friend comes around and low and behold..... he puts a tracker on my phone!!!!

<blockquote><b>Quoting FroggysMommy:</b>" It sucks when I try doing that... it's like something happens and I dont tell him and later hes all ... [snip!] ... no one I know will do smurf. I hate his friend. I used to love him, but this smurf is not like my SO. He was never like this  "</blockquote>




I hate to say it but there's only so much a friend can influence someone until it becomes their own doing. I'm sure his friend has had an impact on him but its his choice on how to act. It seems like he doesn't know what he really wants but wants to make sure you're still there if he decides he does want to be together. He sounds like my ex and I would have done anything for him. As much as you love him you may have to let go. He may have been a wonderful man once and even still is from time to time but he doesn't seem like that guy anymore

Quoting saageex3:" <blockquote><b>Quoting FroggysMommy:</b>" It sucks when I try doing that... it's like ... [snip!] ... to let go. He may have been a wonderful man once and even still is from time to time but he doesn't seem like that guy anymore"

And thats what sucks.... to think I may have to call it off. Because we were so great before, he was wanting me to move in.... and then like a lightswitch he was acting weird and it was all "Oh Ryans moving in." Then we break up for a bit and his friend is dragging him to his DJ events, drinking hardcore. I told SO he doesnt drink like that and it worried me. Ugh, I hate that smurfing dude. I swear to God if he tries to hang out with us tonight I will snap. I will smurfing blow a gasket.

If you hear about a murder in Colorado in Arvada..... it WASNT me, lol

<blockquote><b>Quoting FroggysMommy:</b>" And thats what sucks.... to think I may have to call it off. Because we were so great before, he was ... [snip!] ... us tonight I will snap. I will smurfing blow a gasket. If you hear about a murder in Colorado in Arvada..... it WASNT me, lol"</blockquote>



I know that feeling :/ maybe he's just feeling older then he is and is hitting like an early mid life crisis and sees his friend having fun and wants to have fun too. But I mean, he can have fun with you AND his friends if he gives it a chance. Honestly, ou sound just like the position I was in and I had to let go. Luckily I did because I found someone so much better who actually showed me what I deserved and it made me realize that my ex never really loved me the way I did him and wasn't really into having a relationship even if he did have feelings for me

<blockquote><b>Quoting saageex3:</b>" <blockquote><b>Quoting FroggysMommy:</b>" It sucks when I try doing that... it's like ... [snip!] ... to let go. He may have been a wonderful man once and even still is from time to time but he doesn't seem like that guy anymore"</blockquote>




This.

His best friend sounds like an immature, jealous smurfbag, but in the end it's your SO who is deciding to treat you the way he is. Sounds like he just wants to have his cake and eat it too.....have a single-ish type life, but have you waiting for him on the back burner. That would not be okay with me. I would back off from your SO and see if his behavior changes, or just drop him completely. He sounds kinda immature too if he takes so much of what his friend says to heart so much so that it changes how he acts.....

Last night was actually kind of nice... we went out alone and came home to hang out with his roomie and his girl friend... smurf buddy... dunno what they are. But his friend actually invited me out next weekend while Tony stays home with his son. I said I would think about it but I won't... I'd rather hang out with Tony's son because I haven't seen him. So he was being nice. Tony knows I want time with just him and not be left on the sidelines like I have been. I know Tony loves me and he does NOT typically act this way. I have known him nearly half my life and have been on and off dating almost the entire time. He hasnt treated me the best lately and he knows it. So hopefully that will change (it has been) but if I start feeling like I'm taking the backseat or my child is... then I will end it. And he knows I will not speak to him after and that's not something he wants. He has stated many times that no other girl will come close to me... I know him better than anyone ever can, I know him better than he knows himself, lol. He was made fun of for being overweight all his life, I even had a "friend" date him and talk smurf about him (Ill talk about that in a moment). But I love my teddy bear, he wouldn't be him if he was skinny and honestly I dont think id be attracted to a skinny version of him.

As for what my friend did... Tony and I dated in an open relationship like 8 years ago. We became best friends but did end our relationship. We remained best friends and a lot of girls that liked him was threatened by our relationship because of how close we were. Well I had a friend that was overweight herself. She had lipo twice, a tummy tuck, a boob job that was botched, and got tattooed makeup and stuff like that. EXTREMELY superficial. She ate crap food and gained all the weight she had sucked or cut out of her. I loved her as a friend but she ALWAYS said smurf like "Tony's fat" or "Tony is sexually unattractive" and the kicker.... "I know what kind of guy I deserve and Tony doesnt fit that type. I will not take any less than what I deserve." Then one day she said "Oh I love Tony, I want to be with him!" I literally lost it... I told Tony that she was a two-faced bitch and he deserved better. I told him it was me or her... I would not stand by and watch him be hurt. So they broke up and she blamed it on me. She said like a year later "Id still be with him and probably be married if it wasn't for you." Oh, and then said "Tony doesnt really love you and will never marry you because we were supposed to get together and he hasnt gotten over me." BULLSmurf. He dated another girl right after her and she was threatened by me too. But then she looked at us one day when we were talking and hanging out (while they were together) and said "Wow, you guys cant see it." And walks away. We had no idea what she was talking about. She broke up with him the next day saying "You are so in love with her, and she loves you, and you can't even see it." He had never said he loved me but he knew I did. Well then we hung out a couple times after that and kept talking and about a month later, Tony asked me to go hang out with him and when we were together he said that he was thinking about what she said and realized it was true. And the rest is history, we've been together ever since (5 years). Everyone was all "FINALLY!" except the first girl I was talking about, she still swore up and down that he loved her and wanted to marry her. We stopped talking because I was so sick of the way she interfered with her gossip and she really, really was not a nice person. I mean, calling people ugly and fat when she was overweight herself... planning surgery after surgery instead of working out? Yeah she was superficial as hell.

So we have a long history and no one has ever come close in my eyes, and no one comes close to me in his. He's just been smurffy lately... but I think we will get past it. We have gotten through a LOT and can do it