re: SAHM with more then one child.

I don't know, I'll never have to deal with this because LO is used to baby sitters have has plenty of time away from us. He stays over night with Grandma a lot (usually a couple times of a month) and he's stayed over with baby sitters also.

But maybe she'll handle it like a champ and do well!

Quoting she nan igans:" Agreed. OP. Maybe this should be a key that she's too dependent on you. Maybe try and do some "mommy ... [snip!] ... of fun with Dad. If you feel anxious and upset then she'll feed off of that and not feel confident since YOU aren't confident."

The thing is, If I had somewhere to send her for a night, I would. But SOs father, he disabled and just...not someone i would leave DD with for a night..his house is not fit for a child, and he would let her play with anything she wanted to. He would let her get away with EVERYTHING!
his mother works constantly and takes care of her great granddaughter, and anytime we ask just for her to watch DD for a few hours, while we go shopping, she trys to complain a little.
My mom is not alive, my father is a crack head, and I live 5 hours from my home state..so there is not really anyone that she is able to spend time with...SO gets home at all different house because of his job. So really its hard for her to get out and go with other people.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Lil princess and Bambino:</b>" The thing is, If I had somewhere to send her for a night, I would. But SOs father, he disabled and just...not ... [snip!] ... with...SO gets home at all different house because of his job. So really its hard for her to get out and go with other people."</blockquote>

we are in a very similar situation mu husbands parents are in elderly community 6 hours away and all my family lives in Florida and we just moved here last January. I'm sure it will all work out but it's normal to worry about it

Quoting Lil princess and Bambino:" The thing is, If I had somewhere to send her for a night, I would. But SOs father, he disabled and just...not ... [snip!] ... with...SO gets home at all different house because of his job. So really its hard for her to get out and go with other people."

But even if she can't go with other people, she should at this point be fine with her Daddy. My son is really really attached to me. It's BAD, haha. But that means I send him out with his Dad so they have time. Or the older girl and I go out and he stays home with Dad. They need some time to form their own bond, that's really important!

So even if you can't send her with others, you can do that when your SO is home so she gets more confident that he can watch her, and that she doesn't need you. I know that seems horrible when I say it like that, but it's true. She needs to feel confident that she can handle things without you there. That her Dad can handle stuff, and that she'll be just fine. Also, it's great because she learns that you will come back.

Not to mention it's a rough transition anyways (from being an only child to having a newborn) so she needs to learn to be a bit independent anyways. It will really help when you LO comes home.

When I gave birth to my newest son, my oldest got to stay the night with us. He was in the care of my fiance and couldn't go anywhere without my fiance. It was great to have my oldest stay with us & his new brother.
Maybe ask the hospital if you can have your daughter stay.

Quoting she nan igans:" But even if she can't go with other people, she should at this point be fine with her Daddy. My son ... [snip!] ... child to having a newborn) so she needs to learn to be a bit independent anyways. It will really help when you LO comes home."

she goes out with him to stores alone, and to mcdonalds and stuff, and when hes home, ill get on the computer or clean while they watch a movie together. Its not like they don't have 1 on 1 time, they do every almost, unless its all of us doing something together. He has even stayed home with her while I saw a movie two times. but its just hard because I am really the only person available to her.

also, SO does not just make me put her to bed by myself. He is up there every night with us, unless he has a computer to work on, or if he is working past her bed time.

Quoting Lil princess and Bambino:" she goes out with him to stores alone, and to mcdonalds and stuff, and when hes home, ill get on the ... [snip!] ... stayed home with her while I saw a movie two times. but its just hard because I am really the only person available to her."

Okay. You really don't get i. I'm not putting yuo down, I'm trying to find ways to help you with what YOUR concern is, and things that helped me when I was in your position. You seem to only be interested in trying anything, just in defending what you've done and explaining why nothing else is possible.

So, good luck. I hope she does okay.

Quoting Lil princess and Bambino:" also, SO does not just make me put her to bed by myself. He is up there every night with us, unless he has a computer to work on, or if he is working past her bed time."

That is understandable. Don't let others turn this into a working mom vs sahm debate. No one knows how independent your child is but you. I know plenty of kids in daycare and ones that stay at home that are clingy and need help adjusting to a new change like a baby. It's a hard adjustment. Just reassure your daughter every chance you get that mommy will always come back and that the new baby isn't taking her place. Good luck sweets!  

I have the same problem as you OP. I don't have anyone else but DH to watch my son. All my family is 400 miles away and the two good friends I have here have families of their own and I don't feel comfortable asking them to watch him. DS has become rather dependent on me, and admittedly; I feed that behavior by catering to him. DH puts DS to bed every night; but he is deploying next year and it will just be us. I hope to put him in part time day care so he can get used to other kids, socializing, learning, etc without me. It's a hard adjustment. We love our babies and want them to be with us all the time, but it's important they get their own little personalities and behaviors without us being "smothers" as I like to call it.  

she may surprise you and do great!
my son never stays with anyone either, dh's family is 5 hours away and wouldnt watch him anyway and my family is in a different country. He was a little weirded out by me not being home but he did well