Quoting Rumpelstiltskin:" I think what everyone is trying to say is that you are going to have your family and your BD is going ... [snip!] ... to have his.... You don't have to (by the court) send your LO to BD, but if you do, then you have to let him have his family. "
And what I am trying to say is that, if he wants to spend time with his son, he needs to respect my wishes. I don't tell him where to go or ask him what he is doing with him and I think that is all the freedom he needs. I also wanted to me the girl before my son met her but he never made it happen and I just let it go. I respect his wishes too, I let him know about all the extra curricular activities that I put DS in and if he doesn't like it, he won't do it. I don't have to do all that, he needs to appreciate it or take me to court and start paying child support, it's that simple.