Soooo

I don't typicall put my private life out there but I am in need of some honest advice and some alternatives on this situation.

My husband is a typical man. He often thinks of himself first and at the age of 32 is still thinking with the wrong head. In his mind sex is high on his list of priorities. Mine, not so much.

I am basically a single mom to three kids. 4 year old twins and a 2 yr old. He works out in the oil field. He often will have a bad day when he is in the middle of a long hitch. Well, he was his usual crabby self yesterday and he started a fight over nothing. I don't like talking about his sexual needs or hearing about how much easier things would be if he could get laid more. He tried to tell me that he was cranky due to a lack of "lovin". I told him I didn't want to have that conversation when he flipped out and said I was "hiding something" because I never want to talk about it. I told him I was going to hang up and he could call me when he was in a better mood because I didn't want to fight. Well, he texed me to go smurf myself and said more choice words.

This is the part of what he said that bothered me the most,

"what am I supposed to do about the lack of sex? It is not like I can ask my buddies if they have any extra laying around or I can buy it off a shelf. Where am I supposed to get it?"

To which I replied "I am not forcing you to be with me. You can get it any where you want. You need to make the decision if your marriage and family is more important than your physical needs or not."

We don't have much of a romantic life. I am exhausted by the time he gets home and he does nothing to relieve some of the burden of chores and needs of the kids so I can relax and maybe want to put out. Instead, I feel like a trained circus monkey that is supposed to perform on his command. I feel like sex is an unwritten communication between two people who love each other. There shouldn't be pressure, expectations or even conversations about when to do it. It should just be a natural desire. Honestly, I can't stand the sight of him right now and am so disgusted I don't know what to do.

I need some advice on this. What would you do? We have been married 7 years. I am at a loss and just so fed up with him. I am 100% financially dependent on him. I don't have a choice right now. I have a blood disorder that has pretty much made a normal job impossible. UGH! Some times I just hate him so much I question my decisions all those years ago!

have you tried couples counseling?

or i actually saw a thread going around earlier today about the 30 day sex challenge. basically for couples who are having problems, they have sex everyday for 30 days, regardless of if theyre in the mood or not. bc studies have shown that couples that have sex often, are happier.

(that's what the other thread said)

My husband and I talk about our sexual desires and fantisys... I absolutly love it when he tells me what he wants and when I'm not in the mood he trys everything he can to turn me on. We love talking about what we want to do and how long and all the details.... I wish I had my husband home so I can have sex with him everyday but I wont see him for another 10 weeks. You need to talk to him about maybe taking some help with the kids and then you will put out for him and since he doesnt help you dont put out...

counseling

If you are both willing to go.

Quoting *Amo a Mis Nenas*:" have you tried couples counseling? or i actually saw a thread going around earlier today about the 30 ... [snip!] ... in the mood or not. bc studies have shown that couples that have sex often, are happier. (that's what the other thread said)"

We have been thru counseling twice now. My husband hears what he wants. Our counselor told him that guys validate themselves thru physical affection in relationships while women are about "gifts" (not material but, hauling the garbage out, back rubs, snuggle time or good conversations). He took that as it is ok to nag about sex 24/7 because I need to make him feel validated. He forgot that there are other ways I assure him that I love him and want to be with him.

As awful as this sounds, there is NO way I would do that with him. Not at this point. I can't get him to understand that he is objectifying sex and that pressuring me for it is wrong. I just don't know how to reach him.

Also, he is only home about 5 days at a time for a total of 10 days a month. That is if he doesn't get an extended hitch.

Quoting Whitney Carter:" My husband and I talk about our sexual desires and fantisys... I absolutly love it when he tells me what ... [snip!] ... him about maybe taking some help with the kids and then you will put out for him and since he doesnt help you dont put out..."

I think you missed something. I don't want to be turned on and I don't care about his damn fantasies. I want him to stop nagging me to put out. I want him to stop telling me that he would be nicer if he got laid more often. He puts too much emphasis on sex in our marriage. That is his only focus. Nothing else.

Sex is very important. Regardless of how others say it isn't, it very much is. I'd do counseling because his needs as well as yours need to be met

Quoting Not tellin:" We have been thru counseling twice now. My husband hears what he wants. Our counselor told him that ... [snip!] ... Also, he is only home about 5 days at a time for a total of 10 days a month. That is if he doesn't get an extended hitch."

i get that you're tired bc you're with the kids all the time. but he's also working hard for the things yall have and being able to support yall. so while yes, i do understand feeling exhausted from the kids, he's probably exhausted too. it sounds like you have communication issues, and honestly, i would sit my DH down and discuss them. i can understand his sexual frustrations, but i also understand where you're coming from as well. why dont yall try to pick a day when he's going to be home, after the kids are in bed, stay up late an extra hour or two, have a "date night" together. sit down and watch a movie together. have a late night dinner together. cuddle. talk. i think yall need a reconnection. maybe if yall did something like that you could tell him it's not about you wanting him to completely take over the kids when he's home. but like, do a load of laundry, fold it. or help clean up after you cook. or help get the kids bathed and in bed. little things like that. i had to ask DH for help as well (but we are recently married, and my girls aren't his).

maybe you could emphasize if he helps you with little things like that, you would probably be more willing to have sex more often, bc he is taking some of the stress off of you and you wont feel like you have to do everything by yourself just bc your a SAHM. kwim?

Quoting Goodnight Moon, goodnight:" Sex is very important. Regardless of how others say it isn't, it very much is. I'd do counseling because his needs as well as yours need to be met"

It is important. It isn't the only thing that drives the marriage. His physical needs are second to the needs of our family. We have been thru counseling. He hears what he wants and goes from there. He doesn't hear the big picture. He was told that in order to have a healthy sex life he has to remember that there is a world outside his sexual wishes that needs nurturing as well. He was told that if he wants to have more alone time with me he has to be a willing participant in the families day to day functions so there is time for romance. He only heard that he should be getting laid.

My SO has also been pressuring me about sex lately because frankly, I just havn't been in the mood. I cook, clean and take care of our daughter everyday and by the time he gets home for work i'm just drained. I'm not saying that he doesn't help me with our daughter because he's wonderful with helping and I can only imagine how you must feel not having someone there to give you a break. We also have been really stressed out financially, so arguments arise over nothing and that doesnt exactly make me want to jump in the sack with him. But, we kind of had a break thru a couple days ago. We really talked about our feelings and it IS true.. Men pretty much feel loved by how they are treated physically.. as in affection/sex etc. and women are more about the romantic side of it all. I had to explain to him that it's not appealing to me for him to always say "lets bang" or "so are you gonna suck my dick?" I want a little more intimacy than that.. and I want our moments to be special.. not forced. Pretty much, I feel like I have a quota I have to meet. Like, If he isnt gettin action at least 3 or 4 times a week, then he's not satisfied. I don't mean to sit here and give you my full story but the best advice I can give to you is to sit down and talk about what you BOTH need. There are plenty of times where i really am just not in the mood, I dont even want to THINK about his penis..let alone touch it lol but I know that it wont kill me to please him a couple times a week if its going to make him less gripey than it's worth it. He is starting to understand that I want him to be more romantic and let things kind of happen on their own. If i'm being treated the way that i want.. it's inevitable that hes going to "get some" but I hate that he always just expected it. Because it made me feel like i was being used in a sense. I hope that you two can come to an agreement with this. If he's willing to go to counseling than def do that. SO and I have really considered going.

Every now & then my SO will get the same way... He works 12 hour shifts & by time he gets home, I've been alone with the twins all day, so I'm too tired. But he always has to mention it some how or the other.. And if I tell him I will & fall asleep, when I wake up, he pouts. I constantly have to remind him if he didn't beg for it 24/7 he'd get it more often.

Quoting Twin's Mommy:" Every now & then my SO will get the same way... He works 12 hour shifts & by time he gets home, ... [snip!] ... fall asleep, when I wake up, he pouts. I constantly have to remind him if he didn't beg for it 24/7 he'd get it more often."

yes! SO always does this. We wake up in the morning and he's like "so.... you fell asleep last night..." it's like yes, thank you CAPTIN FRICKEN OBVIOUS lol

Quoting Tiffany Cobb:" yes! SO always does this. We wake up in the morning and he's like "so.... you fell asleep last night..." it's like yes, thank you CAPTIN FRICKEN OBVIOUS lol"

I always tell him "of course I fell asleep... I was looking after two 15 month olds today!"

<blockquote><b>Quoting Not tellin:</b>" I think you missed something. I don't want to be turned on and I don't care about his damn fantasies. ... [snip!] ... be nicer if he got laid more often. He puts too much emphasis on sex in our marriage. That is his only focus. Nothing else. "</blockquote>




I understand you.My husband would act like this a few months ago.He just kept nagging me to the point where I felt disrespected.I even felt kinda disgusted.Not physically,just by the way he acted.So one night I sat him down and told him how I felt.I had to communicate with him because I wanted him to understand how I felt.So at the end everything turned out fine he is more understanding.I think communicated is the key word,just talk to him.

Quoting Twin's Mommy:" I always tell him "of course I fell asleep... I was looking after two 15 month olds today!""

I dont know how you do it. My daughter is going to be 15 months in 10 days and she is MORE than enough of a handful for me. SO would not be getting ANY, AT ALL, EVER if we had twins haha