Forums > Sex & RelationshipsPage 1 2 3 4by: Not tellin

re: Soooo

posted 2nd Oct

Quoting *Amo a Mis Nenas*:" i get that you're tired bc you're with the kids all the time. but he's also working hard for the things ... [snip!] ... is taking some of the stress off of you and you wont feel like you have to do everything by yourself just bc your a SAHM. kwim?"

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I'm due August 29th (a girl), have 1 child & 1 angel baby & live in Florida

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Not tellin

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posted 2nd Oct

Quoting *Amo a Mis Nenas*:" i get that you're tired bc you're with the kids all the time. but he's also working hard for the things ... [snip!] ... is taking some of the stress off of you and you wont feel like you have to do everything by yourself just bc your a SAHM. kwim?"

I need a way to reach him. We actually communicate very well. Our entire marriage he has been away from the home with his job. The problem I have is that when he gets like this, he cheapens sex and makes it like a chore. We don't have a sitter often so date night away from the house is difficult. Having a date night when the kids are asleep is also a tad hard because my son has taken to wandering in my room. lol I get where you are going though. My problem is that he thinks it is "owed" to him. He sleeps 10-12 hrs a night. They have a maid service at the house they stay in. He doesn't even prepare most of his meals because a guy on his crew was a chef and loves being in the kitchen. I could see if he was overly exhausted from work and didn't have the energy to help out here. He is a very lazy man and is a pig. When he is home, he doesn't change our sons diapers or clean up after himself. My girls are 4 so they pretty much are self sufficient except meals.

The last "date" we went out on, he got smurf faced. Then when we got home, my son woke up so I had to go get him settled back to sleep. When I came back to the bedroom, he started groping me and trying to take my clothes off. I told him to stop and he got angry with me. He told me that I owed it to him and it should be expected if he took me out. What husband talks like that to his wife?

You know, the more I think about and talk about all this. I am basically getting my own answer. There is no marriage. I am repulsed by him for the things he says and does to me and I am disgusted that he thinks after all that I should be eager to please him.

quote smurfs?

I have 3 kids & live in Montana

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*Amo a Mis Nenas*

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posted 2nd Oct

Quoting Not tellin:" I need a way to reach him. We actually communicate very well. Our entire marriage he has been away ... [snip!] ... by him for the things he says and does to me and I am disgusted that he thinks after all that I should be eager to please him. "

i would simply tell him if he wants sex from you, he first has to respect you, and quit nagging you for it. and then, he needs to stop being so lazy and help you around the house a little and with the kids yall have TOGETHER bc you are tired, and if you are tired from having to do every single bit of housework while he's home and watch the kids with no help, he will never ever get sex from you..

i can't compare my marriage to yours, as we have only been married 5 months, but this is what i would do if i were in your situation..

my DH is about to be 29, and sex is constantly on his mind... but i'm a freak, so we don't have those problems (yet - i hope we never do, but ya never know)

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I have 3 kids & live in Birmingham, Alabama

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posted 2nd Oct

Quoting Suckysuckyy:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Not tellin:</b>" I think you missed something. I don't want ... [snip!] ... I felt.So at the end everything turned out fine he is more understanding.I think communicated is the key word,just talk to him."

He doesn't care. I have explained it 50 different ways. This is how I just got accused of cheating on him. I have soooooo much time to do that. I can't even get a baby sitter so I can go to lunch. I have 4 yr old twins and a 2yr old. My closest family member is 70 miles away. I don't have much for a support system here expecially with him gone all the time.

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I have 3 kids & live in Montana

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Twin's Mommyonline

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posted 2nd Oct

Quoting Not tellin:" He doesn't care. I have explained it 50 different ways. This is how I just got accused of cheating ... [snip!] ... My closest family member is 70 miles away. I don't have much for a support system here expecially with him gone all the time. "

Could you possibly move closer to your family? Since he is hardly home?

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I have 2 kids & live in Georgia

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posted 2nd Oct

Quoting *Amo a Mis Nenas*:" i would simply tell him if he wants sex from you, he first has to respect you, and quit nagging you ... [snip!] ... sex is constantly on his mind... but i'm a freak, so we don't have those problems (yet - i hope we never do, but ya never know)"

We didn't until Anthony. Well, and after last summer. I was very sick and the short version is that I nearly died. He actually wanted to have sex while I had a drain tube sticking out of my chest cavity and had a bag strapped to my leg collecting blood and pancreatic fluid. Not that I wasn't sick or anything... I also was put on Effexor. It completely took away what little libido I had left. As soon as I realized that I was having some serious issues with it (drug seeking tendencies) I went to the dr and was getting weaned off. All my husband could ask is if I had my sex drive back yet.

I have been diagnosed with PTSD and PPD. I have been going to counseling for it along with meds. I think the biggest problem I have is that he is more concerned about him and getting his dick wet than he is about the over all picture.

IDK, I think I have just tried for too many years and in the end, I am fighting a losing battle. The sad part is that his buddy just waited a full year to have sex with his bride. My husband gets butt hurt over a month. J was never nasty to his bride. Neither were virgins but they were doing the abstaining thing. I just don't understand why he gets so mean about sex. He told me "I hunt, I like sex and I watch sports. That is who I am". WTF is that? It isn't who he is and if that defines him, he has another problem. I told him that if his world revolved because of sex rather than sex being unwritten expression of love between a man and his wife and as a compliment to the relationship, I didn't want him. I am not his personal masterbation toy. I don't feel loved, I feel like a damn robot. Everybody always needs from me and I am running thin.

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I have 3 kids & live in Montana

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posted 2nd Oct

Quoting Twin's Mommy:" Could you possibly move closer to your family? Since he is hardly home?"

We just tried to buy a house. He was too lazy to sign the proper paperwork and we lost it. I am searching really hard to find a good quality in him right now and I can't find one. I fear I am done. I never wanted to get married, have kids and get divorced. I just don't see one positive thing about him right now.

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I have 3 kids & live in Montana

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posted 2nd Oct

Quoting Not tellin:" We just tried to buy a house. He was too lazy to sign the proper paperwork and we lost it. I am searching ... [snip!] ... I am done. I never wanted to get married, have kids and get divorced. I just don't see one positive thing about him right now. "

Oh boy. I'm sorry.

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I have 2 kids & live in Georgia

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posted 2nd Oct

Quoting Twin's Mommy:" Oh boy. I'm sorry."

These feelings aren't normal. I know it is normal to be irritated with one another once in a while. Honestly, this is sad to say but i actually day dream he dies at work. I have no idea why. Maybe it is my subconscience telling me that it is over and that I need to bail. OR maybe it is a secret wish so that i never have to see him again. lol I don't know. What I do know is that if I file for divorce, he will make it hell on me just because that is how he is.

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I have 3 kids & live in Montana

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posted 2nd Oct

Quoting Not tellin:" These feelings aren't normal. I know it is normal to be irritated with one another once in a while. ... [snip!] ... lol I don't know. What I do know is that if I file for divorce, he will make it hell on me just because that is how he is. "

Deep down, do you love him? As infuriated as I get with SO, at then end of the day, I still love him. Might wish I didn't see him for a while. Could you do it without him? I'm financially dependent on SO.

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I have 2 kids & live in Georgia

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posted 2nd Oct

Quoting Twin's Mommy:" Deep down, do you love him? As infuriated as I get with SO, at then end of the day, I still love him. ... [snip!] ... day, I still love him. Might wish I didn't see him for a while. Could you do it without him? I'm financially dependent on SO."

I honestly can't answer that today. The things he has said brought up some really rough patches in our marriage.

I depend 100% on him financially. However, he makes ALOT of $$ so I know my childsupport and spousal support would be about $3500/ month. I also own my own home in AZ so, that is a small amount that I can draw off if I need. $3500/ month isn't alot of $$$ but it is plenty. Especially since my excursion is paid for and I don't pay for child care. Then, when the kids are all in school I can go back to work and have that $3500 for a coushin if need be not as a sole source. The only real concern I have is health insurance. he will not be obligated to pay for health insurance for me. I have some pretty intense health issues that require me to hold on to insurance. I would be screwed there.

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I have 3 kids & live in Montana

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posted 2nd Oct

Quoting Not tellin:" I honestly can't answer that today. The things he has said brought up some really rough patches in ... [snip!] ... insurance for me. I have some pretty intense health issues that require me to hold on to insurance. I would be screwed there. "

3500 is ALOT more than we live on a month.. Maybe it's just a rough spot, we have them frequently... Is he home or gone now?

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I have 2 kids & live in Georgia

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posted 2nd Oct

I'm sorry you're having a hard time

Everything I thought of suggesting has already suggested & you've made a very valid point as to how you have already tried it & it didn't work or won't work. Have you guys ever split up? Maybe some time away from you would make him realize how much you're really worth.

I know DH & I went through a period after our second child where he had no desire to help me in any way around the house or with the kids. He spent more time away from us than trying to be there for us. It caused a huge rift between us & lots of resentments to the point where I could no longer stomach the thought of staying with him. It all finally came to head & I made it clear to him that I was not happy & did not see us making it. It was a huge wake up call for him & he shaped his ass up. Our marriage has been so different since then, which was 2 years ago.

I totally understand where you are coming from. If he put more time & effort into your family life & helping you out, he wouldn't have to nag to get laid. You would actually have that desire to pleasure him.

I wish you the best of luck!

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I have 3 kids & 1 angel baby & live in Ohio

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posted 3rd Oct

Sounds like there is a much bigger problem then sex. I would seriously evaluate your relationship, and see if this is a relationship you want to fix or just get out of. And my husband asks for sex everyday too.and I havebeen Going through a lot of vaginal problems lol with this pregnancy and its painfull for me and it is frustrating to be bothered all the time about it. But in taking both sides, on his end, this is just how guys are hard wired some are a little different but most.sex is a physical need to.them. I was gettingreally frustrated with my husband I looked it up andtried to understand where a man is coming from, a relationship takes two just like you expect.him to meet your expectations he has his own expectations for you. But honestly It doesn't seem like from what you have said that the issue is just the sex. Im sorry your going through this, and in the end of the day if your not happy you need to do what's best for you. Good luck

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I have 2 kids & live in Wilmington, North Carolina

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posted 3rd Oct

Quoting *Amo a Mis Nenas*:" have you tried couples counseling? or i actually saw a thread going around earlier today about the 30 ... [snip!] ... in the mood or not. bc studies have shown that couples that have sex often, are happier. (that's what the other thread said)"

It might make him calmer by releaving stress, but it won't help the situation I do not believe. I can identify with OP, but I "give it up" to keep the peace. The underlying issues are still there.

re: Soooo

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