To move or not to move?

If you have read any of my revious posts you would know that me and my, now ex, fiance seperated a couple months ago. I am currently 20 weeks pregnant. I lost my job when my fiance and I seperated because I had been employed at their family resteraunt and his grandmother attacked me while at work. After the seperation I went to spend a month with my grandparents in Pennsylvania. While there they agreed to pay the tuition to get me back into school, bought me and my son some new clothes and things we needed. My living arrangement back home with my parents is not ideal. My mom has a drug problem, and is an overwhelming hypochondriac. My step dad is in the military and is wonderful help but he works alot so he can't help me as much as he would like. My mom rarely is up before 2 in the afternoon, doesn't clean, and is constanly arguing with me about my parenting which causes issues for the 2 of us because my younger brother is 10 and is already out of school. He is supposed to be homeschooled but she often doesn't get up to do his work with him, not to mention he spends about 15 hours of his day on the xbox or playing graphic games on the computer. He lacks in hygine and is extremely rude. It's rediculous to me. Anyways there is also a lack of space here with them. While we live in a 4 bedroom house we only have 3 available because my mom hords things and has an entire room full of boxes and junk she refuses to go through. Which leaves us with my younger brothers room, my parents room, and what is now mine and my sons room. With the new baby on the way I will have to room with my younger brother and turn the other room into a nursery. My grandmother has offered to come and pick me, the children, and all our things up, after the birth of the baby and move us to Pennsylvania. Once there, we would live with them while they found us an appartment and get me and the children on assistance and then she will pay for my appartment for me until I find a job and can pay for it on my own. Which obviously is the ideal option. The issue I am having is if I move from here to Pennsylvania, my children will be loosing the connection with their father. Visitation would obviously be limited, and the new baby would not get a chance to build a bond at all really. I just want to hear what you other single mothers would do in this situation, and also from moms who live in a seperate state than their childrens fathers.

This is tough. I'm a single parent of two. And neither father has much interest in being a father. Does your ex WANT to be in their lives? Honestly, it sounds like the better option for you and your life is to move up to PA to be with your grandparents. I understand that you want the best for your kids, but with that comes being able to provide for them. If you're not able to do that properly here in GA, then you need to go where you can. It's a hard decision and it's entirely up to you. But if he wants to be in their lives, he'll find a way. You've got to do what's best for your situation and what's going to help you provide for your kids. Since you are their sole caretaker, your mental health and financial situation matter more than their bond with their father.

Quoting Blair Waldorf (SuperKink):" This is tough. I'm a single parent of two. And neither father has much interest in being a father. Does ... [snip!] ... Since you are their sole caretaker, your mental health and financial situation matter more than their bond with their father."

He says he wants to be, and while he isnt paying anything right now he is supposed to start next month when he gets his first check at his new job. I just am terrified my children wouldnt understand as they get older why I had to take them away from their dad. I mean obviously if we moved i'd do skype and send pictures and videos and try to schedule a visit yearly.

honestly, i'd move. i understand they should have a chance to know their dad well...but they also deserve for their mom to provide a stable home. do you think he'd be willing to move up there as well maybe? not with you..but just to be close to the kids?

or do you think maybe your mom will allow you to clean out that room? and maybe have a serious talk with her and try to get her to see what she's doing? what kind of drugs is she on?

Quoting amc ❤:" He says he wants to be, and while he isnt paying anything right now he is supposed to start next month ... [snip!] ... away from their dad. I mean obviously if we moved i'd do skype and send pictures and videos and try to schedule a visit yearly."

Well, your kids will definitely understand when they're older. You mentioned before that your relationship with him was abusive, correct? My son's father was verbally abusive and he punched a hole in the bedroom door once during an argument. My son had his last name, and last year when I was pregnant with my daughter, my son wanted to know why his sister wouldn't have the same last name and also why I was changing his. He also wanted to know why "Mr. Plummer" or his "dad" wasn't around. So I explained that he was mean to mommy and that he didn't want to be a dad, so he left. You also have to look at the well being of your children. You can't have the mindset that he'll only be abusive to you and not the kids. Violence only escalates. But, if he really does decide to be there for his kids, then I wouldn't tell them that he was mean to mommy. In that case, I would tell them something along the lines of you got a job and had to move there and daddy didn't want to come with you. -Shrugs.- Cross that bridge when you come to it and not a moment sooner.

Also, regardless of whether he SAYS he will pay for his children or not, file for child support. His family doesn't sound stable if his grandmother is just randomly attacking you while you're at work at their family restaurant. Unfortunately, some men (and their families) use children as pawns and pick and choose when they want to pay child support based on how you're getting along that month, not whether or not their child has needs to be taken care of. I'm currently waiting on my daughter's father to be served for child support because he uses our daughter as a pawn and feels that he can dictate what I do with my life to deserve his child support. He feels that he needs to approve of what I do before he'll help pay for her. You need to make sure your children are provided for and well taken care of. Even if that means moving to PA and filing for child support.

Honestly I would move. It will work out better for you and for your kids in the long run. It's not going to be the most ideal situation moving far from their father but living in a cramped room and being stressed and fighting all the time isn't ideal either.

Quoting SaraSaraBoBara:" honestly, i'd move. i understand they should have a chance to know their dad well...but they also deserve ... [snip!] ... out that room? and maybe have a serious talk with her and try to get her to see what she's doing? what kind of drugs is she on?"

I've spoke with them about cleaning the room, their response is that they can not afford a storage and they can not get rid of those things. & As far as the drug situation, she refuses to own up to the fact that she has a problem. It is really aggrivating.

Quoting Blair Waldorf (SuperKink):" Well, your kids will definitely understand when they're older. You mentioned before that your relationship ... [snip!] ... make sure your children are provided for and well taken care of. Even if that means moving to PA and filing for child support."

Yes it was abusive, he was verbally abusive on a regular basis and only sometimes did it lead to physical violence but it was still abuse regardless. At least that is how I look at it. Since going to jail (I called the cops on him, that last night I spent at our home) he has been put on 6 months of probation and has community service to attend every saturday.. of course his partying hasn't slowed down much but he has gotten a job and is showing a significant change in his attitude. He frequently texts to ask about our son and for photos of him and has seen him once. Visitation is difficult because I am trying to get a restraining order against his mother and grandmother, and my BD and step-dad have a no contact order. It is just a big mess. I feel like moving could give me the opertunity to finish school, get my own appartment and job, and live in a stress free environment. Which I feel is important for the kids. My grandmother is not forcing me to make any decisions now but I will have to have an answer for her once I get released from my 6 weeks of rest after the baby. I am just overwhelmed.

Quoting amc ❤:" Yes it was abusive, he was verbally abusive on a regular basis and only sometimes did it lead to physical ... [snip!] ... but I will have to have an answer for her once I get released from my 6 weeks of rest after the baby. I am just overwhelmed."

It sounds like a fantastic opportunity to get your life on track and away from stress. I think moving is a great idea.

Quoting Blair Waldorf (SuperKink):" It sounds like a fantastic opportunity to get your life on track and away from stress. I think moving is a great idea."

I think it's time to get my life back to be honest,
Thanks for all the great advice (:

Quoting amc ❤:" I think it's time to get my life back to be honest, Thanks for all the great advice (:"

Anytime! You can PM me too if you just need to vent.

Quoting Blair Waldorf (SuperKink):" Anytime! You can PM me too if you just need to vent."

Thank youuu.