Advice from other parents please

Hey ladies! I am in kind of an interesting/stressful/crazy/legal situation. I will start from back when my now 3 year old was only about 6 months old.
I left my then boyfriend/now hubby back in June 2009. We had some issues, spent a year apart and now everything is tons and tons better! I love him with all my heart and all that good stuff lol. But, when we were apart, we both saw other people and did our own thing. Well in this case he wasn't as smart as I was and didn't use protection. So I now have a step daughter who will be 2 in November. We do not have a custody agreement pulled up or anything, my husband is not on her birth certificate because the dumb b!tch refused to let my hubby see Rogue (step daughter). Well we have seen her on and off, when it is ok with the b*tch. So that totals up to about only a month out of the whole almost 2 years of Rogue's life. Lately we have been able to see her more often and I have even been allowed to pick her up with out my hubby present, so she could see my son (her half brother). Well the last time I was able to get her was this last Thursday. I got out of the car, to open the door for Rogue's mom to put her car seat in the car, and Rogue jumped out of her mom's arms into mine. She missed me, evidently. Well today the father of B*tch's other 2 kids, had all 3 kids with him and he came into my work place. I currently work in a pawn shop, so for some quick cash he sold us some movies. He let me see Rogue and I was able to have a very interesting conversation with him. I knew that they had broken up a short while ago. Every time they break up she texts my hubby and expects him to leave me and take her. Well that is exactly what she did about a month and a half ago, dropping him hints and telling him that he is a strong man and how he is so special and that they need to get together soon and show Rogue that she can have a family... *I SmU*rfING HATE THE B!TCH* So anyways I found out that she didn't leave the guy, he left her due to her sudden habit. She started using drugs. He is going to the court house tomorrow to try to get custody of their boys. No body has any custody agreement drawn up, he pays child support for his boys, my hubby pays child support for Rogue. We are supposed to get Rogue on Saturday so she can be with us for our baby shower.

I need to speak with my husband, but, I want Rogue, she don't deserve to be around a woman who wont get a job, live off of people, the state, and the government, and does drugs along with other sh!t. My thing that I need advice or help with is I have absolutely no money for a lawyer, we live in a small 2 bedroom duplex that we are buying and I am 30 weeks and 2ish days pregnant with what will be our 3rd child total. I live in Iowa, and have been told a few different things. One was that we could get Rogue for a visit and just not take her back to that horrible woman, and apparently nobody can do smurf because there is no custody agreement drawn up and my husband pays child support. and the other was that we couldn't do that because of "kidnapping". I don't know which is which lol. We don't have a big house but I have a few ideas of re-arranging our rooms to make room for her. Right now my son has his own room, but he has too many toys so I was going to put all of his toys in the basement and make a play room down there anyways. I have been slacking and have some clean laundry that needs to be put away in my room so that would clear up space for baby's stuff. Then Cain, and Rogue could share a room. We would just need to get her a bed, even if we did put baby in their room I still have a few ideas of rearranging it to make all 3 beds fit. I guess I just need some advice like what would you do in this situation. This girl is sweet and it would kill us if we lost her to the system if she got taken from her mother. It's bad enough we don't get to see her as often as we want, we can't just never see her again. HELP!

If he isn't on the birth certificate she could get him for kidnapping. I would suggest going to court and getting a DNA test done to prove he is the father

If he is on her birth certificate and there is no custody agreement then she can't do smurf about it until they go to court. You will need to find a way to get a lawyer no matter what. You can try going to a magistrate or court house for help finding one that does these cases for low income families. I would go ahead and make room for her, but kill the mother with kindness and step lightly. You can make a report with child services to have her tested for drugs and file for emergency custody hearing. You can do that without a lawyer and usually the court fees aren't too bad an they can work with you

Quoting Gir!:" If he is on her birth certificate and there is no custody agreement then she can't do smurf about it until ... [snip!] ... emergency custody hearing. You can do that without a lawyer and usually the court fees aren't too bad an they can work with you"

He isn't on the birth certificate

<blockquote><b>Quoting Lillybutt's momma:</b>" He isn't on the birth certificate"</blockquote>


Then how the hell is she getting child support? If he is freely paying for it then he needs to sweet talk her into putting him on there so try can make sure she gets it.. Hint hint.. He can probably file a paternity affidavit, which does not require a DNA test. It's a free filing that basically means he is telling the court he is the father. It only works if there is nobody on the original bc as the father. Otherwise he needs to get a DNA test and get things moving now

<blockquote><b>Quoting Lillybutt's momma:</b>" If he isn't on the birth certificate she could get him for kidnapping. I would suggest going to court and getting a DNA test done to prove he is the father"</blockquote>




Call cps they can get involved you can seek out legal aid to get guidance as to what to do next

They did the DNA test last year, that is how he is paying child support because he is 99.99998% her father. lol. Other wise hell no he would not be paying child support. He had no doubt about it though either, she looks just like my son, just female lol. I know all state's laws are different. I know of someone who has been told by local police that if her kids' dad came and took them, since he is the father proved through DNA and pays child support, she can't do anything. But then I also have another person (who don't even have kids) telling me about kidnapping. Either way is a crappy situation. Baby girl shouldn't be around a stupid woman who does drugs and has random men coming in and out of her government assisted living apartment. (the apartment has nothing to do with it but she can't even pay rent on her own due to no job and living off of these men's child support)

<blockquote><b>Quoting Cain's Mommy + 1:</b>" They did the DNA test last year, that is how he is paying child support because he is 99.99998% her father. ... [snip!] ... has nothing to do with it but she can't even pay rent on her own due to no job and living off of these men's child support)"</blockquote>




The one who doesn't have kids probably doesn't really know. It wouldn't be kidnapping because he is her father. He needs to have his name put on there NOW either way it goes, get the girl, call cps, and take care of this ASAP. He needs to bring the papers with the results from the DNA test and his state ID. I'm sure if he explains the situation they will help

Thank you for your help! I just wish his damn phone wasn't disconnected because he is at work and I really don't want to wait until 2:30am when he gets home from work to say "I think we need to get Rogue and get custody"

<blockquote><b>Quoting Cain's Mommy + 1:</b>" Thank you for your help! I just wish his damn phone wasn't disconnected because he is at work and I really ... [snip!] ... and I really don't want to wait until 2:30am when he gets home from work to say "I think we need to get Rogue and get custody" "</blockquote>



It would be a good idea to wait until he has had a chance to rest from work. Keep us updated I guess. Wish you the best of luck. For the girl's sake, I hope her mother isn't on drugs

Quoting Gir!:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Cain's Mommy + 1:</b>" Thank you for your help! I just wish ... [snip!] ... to rest from work. Keep us updated I guess. Wish you the best of luck. For the girl's sake, I hope her mother isn't on drugs"

That is the biggest reason I really want the little girl here with us... is because of the mother's sudden new habit(s)

<blockquote><b>Quoting Cain's Mommy + 1:</b>" That is the biggest reason I really want the little girl here with us... is because of the mother's sudden new habit(s)"</blockquote>


I'm sure there is something, but it doesn't hurt to pray or have hope for better things

Only a few more days and we will have her. And we were finally able to get rid of the rental car and get our own vehicle!

For those who were wondering, We now have my step daughter for at least a month. We called DHS Monday morning and reported everything we knew about the mom. They said she is ours for at least the time during the investigation and that will be about a month. We wont find out more until closer to the end of the investigation.