Haha I was with my biological parents til I was 2, then I was adopted til I was 15 then shoved into foster care.

And I met a lot of girls, with a lot of different situations. I also agree with what you are saying about joint. Although, I think it's necessary in some situations (especially for school, can't have them bouncing back and forth 2 weeks of the month) for them to do the way they do.

SO and I have talked about what would happen if we were to split up and basically we would have Mj and any other LO half of the time (each month) til they are old enough to go to school. Then make a decision about who gets them during the week according to what school is best, then the other parent gets LO(s) on weekends.

Then as they get older, they can choose where they want to be for either/or. Although, we discussed no child support. We both have stuff at our houses for LO(s) and if one or the other needs help once in a while, then the other parent helps out.

There are few reasons we would keep the children away from the other parent. An abusive/neglectful "step parent," putting LO(s) in any dangerous situation that could result in bodily harm and/or death (but not trivial things like driving, riding, ECA, training, hunting...stuff like that), failing a random drug test (which, we have agreed to agree to have one done at any time), problems with alcohol, or any serious problems with the law. And I think so far, that's all we've really determined. Other than obvious things, like sexual abuse or something (which I honestly doubt we'd ever have to deal with). Oh, and roommates, they aren't allowed to have drug/alcohol problems either.

Quoting Buzz and Almond Joys momm:" I think too many of the people are replying because they as mothers would not want their children taken. ... [snip!] ... - all expensive. Children need programs like that and even if the mom can pay for that stuff , can she attend the programs?"

There are free programs out there for that kind of stuff...and dad can always help out with the programs if she can't be there...

The step-mother is not the mother. Whether she's there or not is irrelevant because she's not the parent.
Sorry, you're right, if I was the mom, my kids wouldn't go there just b/c he's making more money...no woman is going to think she can take over or step in for me.

Quoting Chroma Hex [+1]:" Exactly. People keep saying that money shouldn't be a factor in custody, but I think it most certainly ... [snip!] ... women (I know TWO personally) that got married while pregnant just so that the baby's father wouldn't have any rights to them."

One parent....
You said the STEP-mother is there all the time. It's not the same. Where's dad?

Quoting Δ ☮ ∂:" I don't see how having to buy things from consignment shops sometimes is so awful. Since this scenario ... [snip!] ... If they're both basically equal then I'd say the mom because she obviously can't afford to pay the Dad child support. "

 

This hypothetical situation just explained my childhood to a T. lol

My parents were exactly in this boat, and they shared custody 50/50. We stayed a week at my moms, then a week at my dads. If we wanted to stay with the other parent, we were allowed to make that choice.

I guess I should add that my parents (and step-parents) were and are still all very close friends and there was never fights of custody in the first place. Regardless, I think this situation would most definitely call for joint custody.

<blockquote><b>Quoting ~Ice Princess~:</b>" There are free programs out there for that kind of stuff...and dad can always help out with the programs ... [snip!] ... my kids wouldn't go there just b/c he's making more money...no woman is going to think she can take over or step in for me. "</blockquote>




Not here, or at least the free programs are terrible Nd the kids know they are there because of the lack of income and many don't like it because of the stigma ( personal experience) Sure dad can help out like he should but then why should he not to get to take them home afterwards? ( just going with te situation of no joint custody).
And I never said the stepmom would take the place as mom.

Quoting Chroma Hex [+1]:" A couple gets married, and has any number of children. After years of this, they grow apart, and divorce ... [snip!] ... joint custody as an answer, because in real life, they most certainly would get joint custody, and they both would deserve it. "

For a situation like that... who does the child want to stay with? Can the child speak up... is he/she old enough to do that?

I won't always jump at the mother being first in line. My SO has custody and will always be better equipped to care for Wesley... even if he does struggle sometimes. Even if Carrie (the Mom) got a wonderful job... sorry she's not the best person. And Wesley wouldnt want to live with her anyways.

If both are good parents, join custody.

The mother. The money should not be a factor unless one parent cannot support the children at all.