Quoting Chroma Hex [+1]:" Exactly. People keep saying that money shouldn't be a factor in custody, but I think it most certainly ... [snip!] ... women (I know TWO personally) that got married while pregnant just so that the baby's father wouldn't have any rights to them."

I don't see how having to buy things from consignment shops sometimes is so awful. Since this scenario was so black and white that's why I answered Mom. Otherwise I think BOTH parents should have equal time with the children. If they're both basically equal then I'd say the mom because she obviously can't afford to pay the Dad child support.

Quoting Δ ☮ ∂:" I don't see how having to buy things from consignment shops sometimes is so awful. Since this scenario ... [snip!] ... If they're both basically equal then I'd say the mom because she obviously can't afford to pay the Dad child support. "

I didn't say it was. The point is that the father in this situation would be able to provide more for the children without as much struggle. And of course both parents should have equal time with the parents. That's not the point here at all. I don't know how else to say that.

Quoting Chroma Hex [+1]:" I didn't say it was. The point is that the father in this situation would be able to provide more for ... [snip!] ... both parents should have equal time with the parents. That's not the point here at all. I don't know how else to say that."

You don't have to say it any other way.   Neither are unfit so why does it matter who anyone picks? The Dad would be paying child support, the children would be provided for either way. If she was homeless that would be a different story, but sometimes buying things from consignment shops isn't being unable to provide. Clearly you just wanted everyone to say Dad.

Quoting Δ ☮ ∂:" You don't have to say it any other way.   Neither are unfit so why does it matter who anyone picks? ... [snip!] ... but sometimes buying things from consignment shops isn't being unable to provide. Clearly you just wanted everyone to say Dad. "

It really doesn't matter. This is a hypothetical discussion and I wanted answers from everyone.

As for me wanting everyone to say dad, I wouldn't have made a poll if that were the case. If you'd read my reasoning behind this, you'd see that I was EXPECTING people to say mom.

Quoting Chroma Hex [+1]:" It really doesn't matter. This is a hypothetical discussion and I wanted answers from everyone. As ... [snip!] ... made a poll if that were the case. If you'd read my reasoning behind this, you'd see that I was EXPECTING people to say mom. "

Obviously.  

Quoting Δ ☮ ∂:" Obviously.   "

Lol I was thinking the same thing

Quoting FaithLovesBaby:" Lol I was thinking the same thing"

You guys have no idea what was going on in my head. Don't even begin to claim to have known.

Quoting Chroma Hex [+1]:" You guys have no idea what was going on in my head. Don't even begin to claim to have known. "

You should calm down a little, no need to be so angry.   Who said anything about your head? It really wasn't hard to guess where you were going with it.

Quoting Δ ☮ ∂:" You should calm down a little, no need to be so angry.   Who said anything about your head? It really wasn't hard to guess where you were going with it. "

I'm not angry, though. You're putting words in my mouth and making assumptions, and this is the second time you've done it.

I wanted to see if the idea that mothers are more fit parents than fathers naturally existed in other regions than my own. I wasn't expecting many people to say dad at all, because of that mentality.

Quoting Chroma Hex [+1]:" I'm not angry, though. You're putting words in my mouth and making assumptions, and this is the second ... [snip!] ... naturally existed in other regions than my own. I wasn't expecting many people to say dad at all, because of that mentality."

You definitely sound pissy. Where did I put words in your mouth?

...yes...I get what you were trying to see. I already said that. If you really want to see that you'd make everything in the scenario equal. Then you'd see if there were biases.

But it shouldn't matter if a parent struggles to make ends meet, that doesn't make them any less of a parent. And taking a child away based solely on the fact that she is struggling is just as sick as just taking away Dad's right because he didn't go through pregnancy and give birth.

And just because she can't afford tutoring and/or extracurricular activities doesn't mean she doesn't deserve to be a parent. Just because someone can "effortlessly" provide for their children doesn't mean they are better and/or more fit parents either.

Obviously is she were homeless, that would not be a safe place for children: so they would go to Dad. If she was on housing assistance with one bedroom and made no effort to better her life: then would go to Dad...well, should go to Dad anyways.

I know plenty of situations close to this one, and money wasn't a factor. But we are a woman state lol So as long as Mom is actually doing her best, and actively doing things to better her life, then full custody goes to Mom, and a parenting plan is made up.

Even so, just because a Dad makes more money doesn't mean they are going to be spending it the correct way. For the longest time, SO was making more money than I was (like, twice as much as I was) and I was still trying to manage all the bills and everything LO needed by myself (and yes, we are living together, have been for over a year and a half). So no, money shouldn't always be a factor.

Quoting Δ ☮ ∂:" You definitely sound pissy. Where did I put words in your mouth? ...yes...I get what you were trying ... [snip!] ... said that. If you really want to see that you'd make everything in the scenario equal. Then you'd see if there were biases. "

For me to see if people agree that the mother is deemed a better parent because of the maternal bond being stronger naturally or whatever reasoning a person has, there HAS to be a certain amount of difference. You see that, even though the father in this scenario is better off and can provide the children with a better home and even the added support of a step-parent, a lot of women still said the mother should get custody. If that doesn't perfectly illustrate maternal bias, then I don't know what does.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Chroma Hex [+1]:</b>" Exactly. People keep saying that money shouldn't be a factor in custody, but I think it most certainly ... [snip!] ... women (I know TWO personally) that got married while pregnant just so that the baby's father wouldn't have any rights to them."</blockquote>




Exactly. And even if dad has custody that doesn't meantthat mom would not see the children. If my kids were in this situation it would be hard for me to not have them but I would not be selfish. Their dad and I love them equally and if dad can give them a better environment if sacrifice my happiness for theirs

Quoting Chroma Hex [+1]:" For me to see if people agree that the mother is deemed a better parent because of the maternal bond ... [snip!] ... still said the mother should get custody. If that doesn't perfectly illustrate maternal bias, then I don't know what does."

It certainly doesn't. I don't think the mom should have the child over the father if both parents are fit. But you wouldn't allow for that answer. You forced people to pick. The only reason I could even pick was that the Mother wouldn't be able to afford child support. If you phrased it the other way I'd say the same thing because that's really the only justification I can think of for picking one over the other.

Quoting Mj's Crazy Mama♥:" But it shouldn't matter if a parent struggles to make ends meet, that doesn't make them any less of a ... [snip!] ... by myself (and yes, we are living together, have been for over a year and a half). So no, money shouldn't always be a factor."

Thank you for your opinion. I can tell you took a lot of time with it!

I agree that money shouldn't always be a factor, but it is very distressing just to see how many times it ISN'T.

I also agree that more money isn't always a great thing. It could also mean more debt, with him ending up with as much or less spending money as the mother.

For the record, I support joint custody more than anything else. I don't think that any one parent should have to have the kids full time while another is expected to help provide and only see them minimally. It's something I see happen SO OFTEN around here. It's terribly upsetting.

I think there is an incredibly clear emotional bias to the mother...sadly to the point that fathers don't seem to have as many rights in some cases.

When I hear joint custody, it upsets me when it means that the mother has them full time, the father gets them on weekends and has to pay child support. If they're really going to have 50/50 custody, I believe that each parent should have the children half of the time, but it almost never works in favor of the guy.