re: I may have aborted..

My thing is...would he have REALLY been there for you and this third child of his/yours?

Men are fickle. Their word doesn't mean smurf.

Quoting Back to Noob Status:" My thing is...would he have REALLY been there for you and this third child of his/yours? Men are fickle. Their word doesn't mean smurf."

I have no idea. He would have wanted it, and would have wanted to be there, but he's not realizing that there is no way we could raise another kid right now. He doesn't understand why I didn't want to sacrifice the well being of my other two, for a fetus. He's a jackass and doesn't understand why women make the decision to abort, and he thinks that the decision is made carelessly and that the women don't care.. blah blah blah. He wanted to tell me what to do with my body, because hes a dumb ass and thought he could.

Quoting Brittany Riot [WAL]:" I have no idea. He would have wanted it, and would have wanted to be there, but he's not realizing that ... [snip!] ... women don't care.. blah blah blah. He wanted to tell me what to do with my body, because hes a dumb ass and thought he could."

I'm trying to look at it for his situation. Would you have told him about the abortion before hand? Or just went ahead and did it? Even men can become attached to their unborn fetus, and I could see why he was hurt if you planned on going through an abortion without informing him about your decision.

Personally, I would always consult the father of the baby before making a decision as permanent as abortion ,even though I get the last say. YKWIM? Partners talk it out and communicate instead of acting alone.

Quoting she nan igans:" Not really. Lots of men bitch, it doesn't mean he would have done anything about supporting the kid."

This. My ex didnt want me to abort (I didnt want to, its besides the point). He promised to help and if I didnt want the baby offered to keep him/her.

Well my daughter will turn 9 in 2 months. Her father hasn't been around since her 1st birthday. So yeah, just because a dude WANTS a child doesnt mean he will be there or is a good father.

Quoting Back to Noob Status:" I'm trying to look at it for his situation. Would you have told him about the abortion before hand? ... [snip!] ... as permanent as abortion ,even though I get the last say. YKWIM? Partners talk it out and communicate instead of acting alone."

I would have never done it without his knowledge. I told him about it, and that I felt like that was the decision that was right for me, our sons, and our family. Not to mention that I had a C-Section 7 months ago, it would be risky to carry another baby this soon anyway.

Quoting FroggysMommy:" This. My ex didnt want me to abort (I didnt want to, its besides the point). He promised to help and ... [snip!] ... around since her 1st birthday. So yeah, just because a dude WANTS a child doesnt mean he will be there or is a good father."

  THIS

Quoting Brittany Riot [WAL]:" I would have never done it without his knowledge. I told him about it, and that I felt like that was ... [snip!] ... and our family. Not to mention that I had a C-Section 7 months ago, it would be risky to carry another baby this soon anyway."

He needs to get over it. Seriously getting pissy over a fetus that never existed is not worth ruining a relationship.

And I agree with your other posts. The lives of your two children trump the "life" of a fetus. And, coupled with a recent C-section, I can see why you wouldn't want to carry the pregnancy.

Quoting Back to Noob Status:" He needs to get over it. Seriously getting pissy over a fetus that never existed is not worth ruining ... [snip!] ... trump the "life" of a fetus. And, coupled with a recent C-section, I can see why you wouldn't want to carry the pregnancy. "

Thank you. I love BG and all you pro-choice bitches.  
I could not fathom jeopardizing the lives of my two boys for anything, especially a fetus that could end up killing me just by carrying it.

I guess I understand him feeling helpless in the situation and that can make anyone angry. He's had time to get the hell over it though and he needs to let it go. I'd be pissed if I were you too. It would be great if you both could find a middle ground but there really isn't one here. Ultimately it's your choice and he would have to decide if it's one he can deal with. You would have to deal with the fall out and know it could have been a deal breaker for him.

I think some guys just get possessive over the fact it's their DNA without really computing the fact it's going to be a baby they are responsible for or how it will change their lives. Like "It's MY baby." without really connecting the baby to an actual living being and latching on to the idea that it's something they own. I'm not sure if I'm really saying what I'm thinking in a way that makes sense, LOL.

Quoting 3 little monsters:" I guess I understand him feeling helpless in the situation and that can make anyone angry. He's had time ... [snip!] ... to the idea that it's something they own. I'm not sure if I'm really saying what I'm thinking in a way that makes sense, LOL. "

That made perfect sense. I totally agree with you.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Brittany Riot:</b>" I'm sorry for what you're going through.   Fathers (or mothers) that do that smurf to their kids, disgust me. You're a strong and awesome lady for doing it all on your own."</blockquote>


Oh, im not   I have a wonderful boyfriend who wants to adopt my daughter after we're married. We are expecting our first together in April.

I have a male friend who found out that his girlfriend (ex now) had a abortion behind his back when they were dating. He broke up with her and is still very sad and upset over the child he lost. He was never consulted, never asked or even thought about in this decision. Yes, it is YOUR body. The baby inside (or future baby as some believe) has both DNA in him/her. I think that the father should have some say so. If you for sure do not want this child you can go to the lawyers and sign your rights away and have the father take the baby immediately once born. That way he can have his child and you would not have the child you did not want. Give him full and complete custody. But, that is my own opinion and mine alone. I just know that i saw the sadness in my friend's eyes when we talked about it. He never got to meet his child, hold him/her, kiss his baby. I am so grateful he has three boys now. He is an amazing father who adores and cherishes his boys. But even with those three boys, he still can never forgive his ex for taking his child away from him. Of course, every man is different and they may or may not step up, they may lie and say they will and still run once the child is born. It is a tough, hard decision to make. But if he is willing to take on full coustody and have your rights taken away, then you should at least consider that option.  

Quoting HisIsolde:" I have a male friend who found out that his girlfriend (ex now) had a miscarriage behind his back when ... [snip!] ... if he is willing to take on full coustody and have your rights taken away, then you should at least consider that option.  "

How does one have a miscarriage behind someones back? I understand not telling someone about a miscarriage but I don't see how that's going behind someones back. I hope you meant abortion

<blockquote><b>Quoting HisIsolde:</b>" I have a male friend who found out that his girlfriend (ex now) had a miscarriage behind his back when ... [snip!] ... if he is willing to take on full coustody and have your rights taken away, then you should at least consider that option.  "</blockquote>




How can some1 have a miscarriage behind some1s back??? How is that her fault??? If he knew she was preg, she wouldn't have had the misscarriage???

Quoting Cariad (SuperKink):" How does one have a miscarriage behind someones back? I understand not telling someone about a miscarriage but I don't see how that's going behind someones back. I hope you meant abortion"

Ha...ha... umm.. yeah. Sorry. I was reading all of the other comments and had a dumb airhead moment. Sorry!!!
Thank you for showing me my (stupid) mistake!! Appreciate it.