re: I may have aborted..

Quoting Chelsea Dawns Mama:" While i'm sure that can occasionally be the case, its hard for me to fathom that a man that would get SO upset over his child being aborted, would not take care of it. But thats just me."

Really? There is a HUGE difference between thinking about a potential child and actually making a life long commitment to raising it. Heck, how many men are all "I love you, Ill care for you and our kids!" and never do any of that. It's easy to think you'll do something, a lot harder to follow through.

I'm not dwelling on the abortion part. I may not have worded my post correctly. I was the most pissed off at the fact that he treated me like my body belonged to him., and the fact that every time he gets mad at me, he makes a comment like "well, at least I wouldn't have killed my own baby, if there had been one." I'm like WTF, REALLY? He doesn't understand that my body is mine, and I can do with it what I want. I really don't know what to do or say to make him realize that.

And I don't know if he had've assumed responsibility had I been pregnant.. based on the past, and the smurffy decisions he's made in the past, I'm gonna say, probably not.

Quoting Brittany Riot [WAL]:" I'm not dwelling on the abortion part. I may not have worded my post correctly. I was the most pissed ... [snip!] ... had I been pregnant.. based on the past, and the smurffy decisions he's made in the past, I'm gonna say, probably not."

Ok yeah that's not ok. Bringing it up all the time like that isn't alright and he needs to realise that.

Quoting she nan igans:" Really? There is a HUGE difference between thinking about a potential child and actually making a life ... [snip!] ... care for you and our kids!" and never do any of that. It's easy to think you'll do something, a lot harder to follow through."

Like i said, i just cant fathom it. Mostly because my SO DID step up.

Quoting Chelsea Dawns Mama:" Like i said, i just cant fathom it. Mostly because my SO DID step up."

Is this to another child or the child you are carrying?

Cos if it's the child you're carrying you can't really speak from experience just yet. During pregnancy a baby is REALLY easy to look after. It doesn't hit fathers and a lot of mothers until baby is right there needing 24 hour care that it's going to be hard.

Its a crappy situation to be in... but if u were preg, it would still be his baby too... so he's allowed to have a choice and feelings about what *may* have happened.

Last year I got preg with the mirena still in place, when they tried to take it out we were prepared for a miscarriage, but I was hopingbthe baby would make it. the drs couldn't get it out and said they would have to dialate me, which ment for sure I would lose the baby, my husband was pissed that I didn't let them do it. I just couldnt do it... I made 2 appt for the abortion pill and never even made an attemt to go in. My husband was worried that I would lose the baby later in pregnancy because the iud was still in, so he just wanted me to abort just in case...

I went through with the pregnancy, we found a good hi risk dr. Who said if I made it to middle of the pregnancy the baby would be ok, he had deliverd a few babys with an iud in and made me feel a lot better.

My babys 1 now and my husband loves him more than anything but I still have this ugly thought, that he didn't want him, its stupid but I will always have that memory of him, and the way he was talking bout it, like we were returning some furniture or something

Quoting Cariad (SuperKink):" Is this to another child or the child you are carrying? Cos if it's the child you're carrying you can't ... [snip!] ... after. It doesn't hit fathers and a lot of mothers until baby is right there needing 24 hour care that it's going to be hard."

Seriously. It's easy as heck for a man to say "I'll do this and that" (not just a man, but anyone) when it's all a future choice. But when it's time to actually sacrifice for something? It isn't nearly as easy.

It's easy to say a woman should have to step up and have a baby, but a lot of times the men are not nearly as willing to give up money or time to actually support and care for said child.

And I'm not just bitter or something, my husband is a father beyond my best expectations. That doesn't mean I'm naive enough to think ALL men are like that.

Quoting Cariad (SuperKink):" Is this to another child or the child you are carrying? Cos if it's the child you're carrying you can't ... [snip!] ... after. It doesn't hit fathers and a lot of mothers until baby is right there needing 24 hour care that it's going to be hard."

The child i'm carrying. And it has hit him pretty hard, so i can only imagine how it'll be when DD gets here.

Quoting she nan igans:" Seriously. It's easy as heck for a man to say "I'll do this and that" (not just a man, but anyone) when ... [snip!] ... my husband is a father beyond my best expectations. That doesn't mean I'm naive enough to think ALL men are like that."

THIS!

Quoting Chelsea Dawns Mama:" The child i'm carrying. And it has hit him pretty hard, so i can only imagine how it'll be when DD gets here."

Well I hope you're right.

My point was simply that you can't really guarantee what sort of father a man will be until he has to actually parent.

Quoting she nan igans:" Well I hope you're right. My point was simply that you can't really guarantee what sort of father a man will be until he has to actually parent."

I think that in my mind, he has already started parenting. While i know it obviously takes more than caring for them financially, hes supporting us and really preparing for this baby. And honestly, as bad as it sounds, with all the smurf we've been through, we've only made it this far BECAUSE we have a baby on the way. I think that's why i feel he has stepped up.

Quoting Chelsea Dawns Mama:" I think that in my mind, he has already started parenting. While i know it obviously takes more than ... [snip!] ... we've been through, we've only made it this far BECAUSE we have a baby on the way. I think that's why i feel he has stepped up."

It's completely different when the child actually gets here. I'm not saying he's not going to be a good father, but if this is his first child, you really don't know what being a parent entails, until the child is there, and you have to actually physically take care of it.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Chelsea Dawns Mama:</b>" While it IS your body and your choice, i don't think its wrong of him to be upset. It would have been ... [snip!] ... too. And i honestly think him being so upset isn't a bad thing. IMO, it means he would have stood up and raised said child."</blockquote>


Lol, no, not necessarily. Bd told me both times I was pregnant I wasn't allowed to abort. he broke up with me when I made the appointment the second time and still gives me smurf to this day because I was relieved when I miscarried instead.

He's never given me a smurfing dime for my daughter and has seen he once in the last 4 months, spent maybe 31 days TOTAL in the last 5 years. He wouldn't have paid for the second kid and I'd have been smurfed.

Quoting Chelsea Dawns Mama:" I think that in my mind, he has already started parenting. While i know it obviously takes more than ... [snip!] ... we've been through, we've only made it this far BECAUSE we have a baby on the way. I think that's why i feel he has stepped up."

Not trying to be rude, but being pregnant isn't parenting. It's much different being an actual parent, making all those sacrifices, all of that. This is especially true of men. Dealing with a pregnant woman is not at all the same as being a parent.

I wish you the best, don't get me wrong. I hope you're right and he ends up being a wonderful father. I'm just saying that "stepping up" 'while pregnant does not at all ensure that. You really don't know. There are a lot of men who are total asses during pregnancy and end up being wonderful fathers (being a husband or bf is not the same as being a father, so they might suck at one and be a wonderful other), and some are great during pregnancy, but when it's time to actually be a father they are horrid.

One doesn't mean the other will be true.

Quoting 12.21.07¤04.18.13:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Chelsea Dawns Mama:</b>" While it IS your body and your choice, ... [snip!] ... 4 months, spent maybe 31 days TOTAL in the last 5 years. He wouldn't have paid for the second kid and I'd have been smurfed."

I'm sorry for what you're going through.   Fathers (or mothers) that do that smurf to their kids, disgust me. You're a strong and awesome lady for doing it all on your own.