posted 7th Oct
I slept today from 12-330 and I'm still tired! Hubby is running to DQ to get me a pumpkin pie blizzard! yum yum We were painting, putting up drywall, and door trim all day. Only break we got was to hunt down Halloween decorations in storage and get them all set up. Tomorrow is off to Hobby Lobby to get the stuff I need to make hair bows for the girls' costumes- They're gonna be Baltimore Ravens cheerleaders. If any of you ladies have kids what are they gonna be for Halloween?quote
posted 8th Oct
Welcome to all the new mamas in here!!
The other day I started getting that nasty taste in my month that I had while pregnant with Steven in the 1st trimester. I almost throw up the other day, so I am hoping those all mean baby is going nowhere. Also I am so tired, could sleep all day!
I am still nervous for my appt. next week, I keep thinking the worse, I did that with Steven's 1st appt. One more week and I will know if baby is in the right spot and hopefully get to see a hb.
posted 8th Oct
I officially have a super nose. The smell of my lemon scented dish detergent just about made me vomit. It was EXTREME. Last night I was cooking and I smelled burning plastic. It was awful. Asked my husband why it was doing that because NOTHING was burning. He said he couldn't smell anything burning. lol
And I feel the need to kind of address an issue I'm having. You guys might be having it to or already dealt with it and have moved on. Mine has been years long and I'm just so very over it.
I am 25. I do not have a college degree. I am very happily married and we have 1 living child, two angels and hopefully a living child on the way. I recently went to lunch with two girls that I used to call my best friends, my family. I'll use letters to name them just for privacy. L and N. L was my absolute best friend for my college years. N kind of was the more relaxed friend and we didn't get as close but I still loved her to bits. My family and I, we've been closer. We've grown distant, and that's ok, really. My husband is my family. My son is my family. My relationship with Jesus is my foundation. One that just solidifies all the others. Its perfect.
Moving on, L was in town recently. She lives in another state and had a family emergency so she was in town. N lives here but she's an RN and has crazy hours so we never see each other. Though, I might try harder if I actually enjoyed being around them. You see, I'm the only mother of us three. I'm the only wife of us three. I'm the only girl in the group who does not have a degree and a career. Its a large difference that doesn't matter to them (as far as I know) but it matters to me. I gave up school for my husband. Don't get me wrong, he was totally encouraging and supportive. I could have continued my college career while dating him. Easily. I chose not to. I realized I had NO IDEA what I wanted to go to school for. I had already been in college for 2 years. Still, I was stumped on a major, and even more important, a career. Therefore, I quit. My parents will always hate my decision. That's ok with me. I chose not to waste time and money. I made that same choice when my son was 1.5 and I tried to go to school for nursing. My financial aid fell through and my anatomy class had me so intimidated, I realized it was best not to do it. What was the point? I don't want to be a nurse. I wanted the PAYCHECK.
Which brings me to N. She makes 24$ an hour. When we're together, I have to remind myself not to bring it up. She deserves that wage. She worked her butt off for the bachelors degree. She earned it.
L is a teacher. She makes less than N but still more than my husband. Again, she earned it. L and N's wages are not an injustice to me. I do envy them a little though. They have money to spend on frivolous things without worry or even thought.
I'm reminded shortly after that I have a beautiful child who cuddles with me every night, even though he could cuddle with daddy. He chooses me. He squeezes me closer and rubs my hair and makes sweet angelic sighs. I am his queen. Not a bad place to be. I could have decided to wait to have a child. DH and I started trying for him when I was 21. DH was 20. We were not married. Dh has never taken a college course. We chose to do it right away. I wouldn't change it for anything. Money is worthless. My child is priceless. Yes, we need money to buy food, pay our rent, clothe ourselves. All those necessary things. However, I am not jealous of the fact that L spent 150 dollars on two stencils to decorate her walls with. She showed me pictures. I was not impressed. It was a ridiculously frivolous buy and it was even more frustrating when she started complaining that she had so much debt and she was worried about money.
Let's clarify. She just bought a house. Knowing her, it was an impulse buy. Yes, a house CAN be an impulse buy. She just bought a dog. She has no kids. She has a room mate who basically pays a good portion of her mortgage just paying rent to her. She spent the summer in Italy. Yes, Italy. Why? Because she could. Point blank. Don't get me wrong. THAT WOULD BE AWESOME. However, you don't make a choice like that, knowing no income will come in for 3 months, go anyway and then complain you don't have much money. Don't do that. Frankly, I turned my ears off. I know you have student loans. You now have a job that pays you enough to be able to live comfortably and pay them off. She's very fortunate. I hope I'm not coming off as too judgmental. I'm more frustrated. I love these girls.
We chose to live different lives. I chose a more modest (broke as crap ) lifestyle and they chose money. Not intentionally. We didn't wake up one morning and say "I want money" or "I want to be broke" but our lifestyles show something like that.
When we went to lunch recently, N suggested a ridiculously cute cafe that I didn't even know existed. It was close to her house and to the hospital she is an RN at. This place is EXPENSIVE. 8.50 for a tiny panini. 4.50 for a dip bowl-sized bowl of fruit. I was horrified. I did not intend on spending 20 dollars so my son and I could eat lunch. Broke as crap remember? Now don't misunderstand, I had plenty of money to cover that. I came prepared. I do have a part time job to help our income a little. But did I want to spend 20 bucks on lunch knowing my son would barely eat and his food would be wasted? NOT ON YOUR LIFE. I politely said "wow, I didn't expect these prices." And instantly I felt terrible after saying that. N paid for the whole darn thing. She paid for L, she paid for me, she paid for my son. I felt like dog doo. Especially since I was the one who ordered an 8 dollar and 50 cents TINY panini (it was freaking lunch time, I had just found out I was pregnant and I was starved!!! don't judge me!). I ordered my son a fruit bowl and intended to share my panini with him. So my total was 13 bucks. The total for everybody was 27 dollars! L and N didn't even get lunch items!!!! L got a pumpkin cake slice and N got a scone. Thanks guys. Making me feel like a fatty when I was only 3 weeks 3 days pregnant.
N (being the resident hippy out of the three of us) decided we should sit outside. Don't get me wrong, the day was beautiful. I was glad she chose that. My son, however, has a ridiculous fear of bugs lol The bees were out. It was pretty bad. Our lunch place also showed how different us girls are now. This was a sophisticated cafe for people around the downtown area (mostly nurses, I was told by N) to come to lunch and have scintillating adult conversation. I'm sure it looked really funny when my 3.5 year old was running around the picnic table because he simply could not take it anymore. Neither could I. I'm all about adult talk. I love meeting with people over the age of 3.5. I'll even take a 12 year old! I know some wonderful 12 year olds But hearing about 150 dollar stencils, the one night stand, the new man in her life that she's already slept with and he probably doesn't care about her. I'm done.
I can't pretend we have anything in common. I refuse. I shut off right away. I leaned back, watched my son run around in his uncontrollable joy. Let the two people I didn't know anymore talk about who knows what. Thought about my new baby nestled in my uterus (hopefully). Thought about my doting husband who I can't imagine my life without.
I realized, their emptiness. What are they filling their lives with? Money, material things, men, etc. You name it. What do I have? First and foremost I have my relationship with God. (And I have to add, I'm not pushing anything on anybody, simply saying where I stand.) I have my sexy amazing husband. My beautiful hilarious son and our brand new creation. I have an amazing church who has taken the role as our family. I see them constantly, text many of them ESPECIALLY the pastor's wife, who is 46 and I LOVE HER! I text her every day When we have a need, they do what they can to help.
I am so grateful for my life. I am so grateful we are not rich. I am so grateful my life is full of people I love. I am so grateful I don't have to date anymore and I have the man that I love and who loves me.
I guess if I'm going to conclude this misplaced blog entry that I hope no one hates me for... I'll say this. L and N are amazing women. I wish them the best hands down. I have no place with them anymore.
I mostly wrote this as a way to get it out and to see who else feels this way and kind of give a little room to let others talk about their experiences or perspectives. If you read it all... kudos. If not, I don't judge you
posted 8th Oct
Quoting queso +2curdles(4):" I officially have a super nose. The smell of my lemon scented dish detergent just about made me vomit. ... [snip!] ... room to let others talk about their experiences or perspectives. If you read it all... kudos. If not, I don't judge you "
I read the majority of it! LOL. I really don't even have a lot of close friends here. Some yes, one is a mother so knows how that goes. The other fairly good friend is not a mother but not as shallow as your friends seem either. lol. We have a good time together.
Hey I have a question, was it free to go and get verification for pregnancy to apply for medicaid?
Oh and my husband and I have not finished college either. We both started but got pregnant with Malaki and then went to work and wanted time for each other and our family so put school on the backburner for now. One day though we both want to go back. And honestly, I really have no idea anymore what I'd want to go to school for now.