mixed feelings about choosing to abort or not

First I would like to share some background on the situation to help get a good idea of what im dealing with...
Its now almost October and I met the guy in January for his bday party at a mutual friend of ours house..he contacted me on Facebook the next day and we started texting..he neglected to inform me that he was currently in a 3yr relationship with a younger girl who has only turned 18 within the last few months (he just Turned 22 in Jan) but regardless of this we proceeded to talk and eventually ended up hooking up anyways..I really started to fall for this Guy even tho it was so wrong! Eventually the girlfriend found out and they broke up but they still talked and got back together only to breakup once again..(this was around march/April)...we never really stopped talking and he started coming over alot and ended up moving in with me in may..we were not dating although we slept in my room and yes we were intimate with eachother. I basically felt it was an unofficial relationship..also he wasnt over the ex and still isnt..i knew they still talked..he didn't have a job but took me to work daily I even had 2 jobs for a month but quit one because I hated it and he basically told me he would get a job and help out..never happened..so around June 30th I found out that I was pregnant and told him right away..he immediately said the choice is mine what to do that hed support me either way..but he made it known he wanted an abortion..I never really considered it at first because I thought we had something..and he stuck around..well the end of august we had to move but he didn't stay with me and said he wants nothing ti do with the baby if I keep it.. and left and is now 3 hours away. .with the ex only a short distance away from where he supposedly is..we've talked and he's told me that yes they talk but he doesn't want her back but im not stupid I know he does..I believe I was blinded by my emotions and not thinking rationally at first. I do not have a car and never have although I've always had my liscense since I was 16..I can barely support myself at this point as im just now starting ti get on my feet..im moving up by mom shortly no matter if I keep or abort..(the dad happens to be only a short distance away) but that's not why im going there..this is a hard time for me and I honestly just need my mom..she knows I've been pondering abortion the last few weeks but doesn't necessarily agree with it but supports me and is even going ti help pay if I choose to abort since the father is worthless at this point..I know my reasons to abort are logical and I feel okay about it I just think im scared of the actual procedure and going to do it..I've done so much research and read so many stories that im confident I will be alright after..I know I'd be sad but remembering my reasons would help ti justify why I did it knowing I will have another opportunity in the future to try again when the situation is right for me and also the father whoever it may be..the circumstances im under right now r just so stressful..I hate this guy so badly for making me feel so used and abandoned..I know its not the child's fault he doesn't want to step up but I just want to be happy again and move on..don't get me wrong im aware it wouldn't be right away and that I'd go through even more emotions dealing with the abortion but eventually im confident that I'd be alright. Im also worried since friends and coworkers know im pregnant and don't know I want an abortion so im worried how they'd react..take in mind j am moving very shortly..I know its my choice and I shouldn't worry what they will think I want this for me not them..I thought about just saying I miscarried but they know how the dad feels and would probly know what I really did..they know I've been having an extremely difficult time with this..I feel I should just be honest with everyone but I don't want to be judged..and I just want to move on and be happy again!! I have my moms support she just wants me to be happy..her sister (so my aunt) came forward and told her she had an abortion my mom didn't know about when she was 17..they both reassured me that there would be no hard feelings from them they just want me happy..my aunt said she didn't regret it and has since had 3 children with her husband..im not happy at all and haven't been since I found out and feel terrible just for waiting so long to make this choice..not for lack of constantly thinking of nothing other than what am I going ti do. It has consumed my life as of now to the point where all I do is cry and I can't even barely go to work and have a normal day I only work at a subway keep in mind so not like its a hard job but constantly around ppl when all I want is to be left alone!! I know my choice isn't just a spur of the moment irrational thought. The days I tell myself its what I want I listen to my music smile and have a good day but then if I change my mind I go back to shutting myself down and get depressed all over..I think this tells me I know what I want and ti give myself more credit that I will be fine after the procedure and that my life will go on so I can do the things I want..this would motivate me to do the things I've procrastinated all this time so far with!!  ) sorry that this is so scattered its hard to write my feelings and this is just how its come to me..I'd really appreciate some feedback (btw I don't think adoption is right for me there's no way I would put my mind and body through all this just so someone else can be happy, as selfish as I know that's sounds)

I'm sorry you have to go threw this.
But you have to make this choice if you think that abortion is whats best then you should fallow your heart.
Stay strong.

Also I forgot to mention the father was adopted idk if that has anything to do with why he's abandoned me and his unborn child? Sorry for all the scatteredness of this post..but I want to mention that when the father left at the end of august I took it upon myself to schedule an appt with a counselor to talk about everything and try to figure out what to do but just saw her last week as the waiting list was long..she has said that she would continue to see me if I go through with the abortion to help me out..she even made me a primary patient first on her list so she can see me again next week right away..as im on a very shirt timeline to have an abortion its has to be this week or next week otherwise I can't do it..I haven't even called the clinic yet but plan to this morning to see if I could even get one as im already 17wks (please don't judge me as I already feel bad waiting this long but im finally thinking rationally) and from my research online of the planned parenthood in madison they say they do it up to 19 menstrual weeks which im not sure if that's different from how many weeks pregnant I am?? Might be a stupid question to some but im not familiar with all the terms used..again please no negative comments but I do appreciate honest opinions of what others have to say..thanks for any help/support in advance -rachelle

what about adoption? there are plenty of people out there wanting to have children that are not capable of doing so and would love to adopt a little one.

Sounds to me like you've already made up your mind and you just need someone to tell you that it's okay.

It's okay.

I do not believe that I could commit to adoption wheather it be open or closed..I don't feel that's want I'd want..either I will go through with the pregnancy and take responsibility for my own actions, or terminated the pregnancy and try to handle it the best I can..if I do I already plan ti find a group or something of that nature to talk about it and help me..

Ciara, I think you are right that I just want to hear its okay even though none of you know me or will ever fully understand my situation on a personal level..but just knowing I can let it out and hopefully not be judged about the way I feel somehow makes me feel better..

I now see that this guy isn't worth me stressing so terribly over and I just want to move on and learn from my mistake..

Quoting rachvande:" First I would like to share some background on the situation to help get a good idea of what im dealing ... [snip!] ... no way I would put my mind and body through all this just so someone else can be happy, as selfish as I know that's sounds)"

Before you opt for an abortion, please view this thread: http://forum.baby-gaga.com/about548230.html

It may help you in making your decision, it's a sticky in the AS.

Best of luck to you!

<blockquote><b>Quoting Nick & Stephanie DiMichel:</b>" Before you opt for an abortion, please view this thread: http://forum.baby-gaga.com/about548230.html It may help you in making your decision, it's a sticky in the AS. Best of luck to you!"</blockquote>


I've actually already read it...im aware that it won't be an easy thing to do either...im just ready to put this all behind me and get on with my own life..I've always been one to out others ahead of myself and im sick of worrying about everyone else before me..it may be an awful time to do this but I really think that I will be fine and will learn from this even though its a very difficlut way to teach myself to start putting myself first...

Quoting rachvande:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Nick & Stephanie DiMichel:</b>" Before you opt for an abortion, ... [snip!] ... I will be fine and will learn from this even though its a very difficlut way to teach myself to start putting myself first..."

Prayers for you!!!! <3

I guess what I should say is the biggest what if that I have is never knowing if the dad would eventually come back around if not during the pregnancy, that its possible he would've after? The only reason he left was because he said he's nit ready for a kid which I wasn't either but I don't get to runaway..I have to make a choice..he still claims that im such a great person beautiful etc....he's just nit ready therefore won't be with me for this...and don't get it twisted im not thinking of aborting with hopes hed come back to me. F that!! Because in all honesty if he can't step up now to help me, he quite frankly doesn't deserve me..especially when he won't be helping with the cost if I do abort nor as any support...im kind of afraid that if I do go through with it that its possible ill let myself fall into his game all over again...with all the lies and deceit...I can honestly say that one of the biggest reasons behind me wanting to abort being that he says he wants nothing to do with it and I don't want to do it alone at all..I can't keep it in hopes hed eventually come around when it could and most likely would never happen..if I wasn't prego I wouldn't even care that im nit with him so if I have the abortion I won't be tied down to always wanting someone who doesn't deserve me! Is it bad that I'd consider trying to stay in touch with him as a friend considering all the stuff he's put me through?? My mom has told me I better not have anything to do with him and that she doesn't want to see him ever again if I get an abortion..which is understandable..I love my mother more than life itself and wouldn't want to go behind her back..but im a very forgiving type of person and I feel like I would just want to have him in my life for some stupid reason..no matter what I know I'd never forget him..because both of the options im contemplating will forever affect the rest of my life and without him, I wouldn't be having to make this decision

Quoting rachvande:" I guess what I should say is the biggest what if that I have is never knowing if the dad would eventually ... [snip!] ... options im contemplating will forever affect the rest of my life and without him, I wouldn't be having to make this decision"

I understand where you're coming from, you're in a really horrible position.

Regarding support...the court would make sure of that. He's legally liable for any child that belongs to him, so you wouldn't have to necessarily worry about that. If he isn't paying child support the FOC will jail him. So I guess either way he would have to make a choice...pay for the baby or spend time in jail. As I have arrested many for FOC warrants, I can assure you they are not a nice group of people to deal with if you're not paying for your offspring.

There are also programs for paying for children (WIC, etc.) to help you support the baby (should you opt to keep it). It's just a really rough thing to try to decide. There are other options if you're not really set on abortion (Adoption, Open Adoption <which would allow you to stay in the child's life>, etc.). Would these be things you'd be interested in?

As far as dealing with him for the rest of your life, I can understand your mother's stance on the issue...because you don't want to keep someone in your life that is dead weight. It's really a catch 22, my heart goes out to you.

Whatever the decision, you have to live with the results. So make sure it is something you can deal with before you go through with it. The common theme amongst Abortion Survivors is the hard time living with the aftermath. If you're emotionally ready for that, then it will make that decision easier for you. Either way, the one thing that one must always do is look at every angle of the situation before making a decision. That way you're certain you did the right thing and you will never regret your choice.  

<blockquote><b>Quoting -::-LovingLife-::-:</b>" I understand where you're coming from, you're in a really horrible position. Regarding support...the ... [snip!] ... situation before making a decision. That way you're certain you did the right thing and you will never regret your choice.  "</blockquote>


I've thought of every choice I have constantly nonstop from the moment I wake each morning day in and day out over and over and over and I still cannot commit to a choice..its tearing me apart not to mention that I've only got a short window of time to act..I've had time to think but I still don't have a clear answer...I know that if he was around that I'd want it but he isn't and I hate it. It kills me to know he really doesn't care. Or at least puts up a good wall so I can't see if he truly does or not..part of me thinks he won't show any compassion because he just wants me to have the abortion so he gets what he wanted from the start and essentially let off the hook..but part of me thinks he has this facade that will crumble if I choose not to terminate and things could turn out how I wanted? Meaning hed be involved with the child not necessarily in a relationship with me..but I can't make it through the rest of this pregnancy hoping for that outcome when I may never get it..in reality I know all this stress is terrible for the child just as much as its bad for me too..and I can't see it ever going away if I continue trying to hold onto this false hope..its been this bad the entire time..ppl try to tell me it will get better but it hasn't and im fearful for the sake of my own life at this point (i used to be a cutter and can't remember a time when I was doing that, that I felt worse or even comparable to how im feeling now) this is by far worse..and I don't want to hurt myself..I want to live life the best I can have fun and make something out of myself and make my parents proud

Quoting rachvande:" <blockquote><b>Quoting -::-LovingLife-::-:</b>" I understand where you're coming from, ... [snip!] ... want to hurt myself..I want to live life the best I can have fun and make something out of myself and make my parents proud"

I sent you a private message.