How Do You Deal With Comments?

Like people telling you you shouldn't try again after a miscarriage or it's too soon or that"You know what causes it" or "Kids tie you down" or "You shouldn't be in a rush".

DD is 18mo, We just lost a CP and had a MMC. We planned on waiting at least a month and asking the midwife as far as medically what her opinion is for that, but we still do want another. We've always wanted two. But there are people who act like I should only have one or that a 2-3 year age gap is too soon or we're trying too soon after the loss.

Wow that's rude   Depending how close they are to me, I'd say thanks for the concern. Or just ignore it...

Take the comments with a grain of salt. Or ignore them all together. You make your own decisions and ultimately you know what's best for you.

I'd always just ignore them or flat out say "Kiss my ass" but I'm just a major rag lol

It's hard to listen to other people's comments when they are against what you want. I'm in a situation that EVERYONE has an opinion about, and I just have to ignore the negative people. In my experience, your true friends will support you no matter what! Just take what people say with a grain of salt, and know that it's ultimately your decision and your life!

Quoting NewMommyXOXO:" Take the comments with a grain of salt. Or ignore them all together. You make your own decisions and ultimately you know what's best for you."

It's a constant thing though. I don't think they even wanted me to ever have another.

Quoting Squid Kid:" Like people telling you you shouldn't try again after a miscarriage or it's too soon or that"You know ... [snip!] ... are people who act like I should only have one or that a 2-3 year age gap is too soon or we're trying too soon after the loss."

I'd tell them it's really none of their business.

I haven't been through what you have, but I know after having Teagan (being a preemie and all) that I got a TON of comments about not having more, or waiting, or things like that. We didn't tell anyone we were trying and made it clear it was no ones business.

We got a few bad comments once I was pregnant, but not much.

I'm sorry hun, it's rude when they do that because it really isn't their business. It's easy to look from outside and say "you're done, don't have anymore." I think a lot of times it comes from a caring place because they don't want to see you hurt, but it isn't their business. People from the outside only see risk, or pain, they don't really "see" the desire to complete a family, or the desire to have another child.

I think the only way to deal with it is to make it clear that it isn't their business and isn't up for conversation or debate.

*hugs*

I would only be concerned about trying again too soon before your body heals.

I want to be pregnant again before Addie turns two and I don't even have a SO.

It's up to you and the person you're having a family with to decide when it's a good time to expand it!

Quoting Squid Kid:" It's a constant thing though. I don't think they even wanted me to ever have another. "

that's tough. bad to say but i'd probably end up going off on the person/people.

Quoting she nan igans:" I'd tell them it's really none of their business. I haven't been through what you have, but I know ... [snip!] ... the only way to deal with it is to make it clear that it isn't their business and isn't up for conversation or debate. *hugs*"

Thanks   It just bugs me because this person should be supportive. It breaks my heart.. and this person has gone through losses themselves and should know how I feel to not be making those comments.

Quoting Squid Kid:" Thanks   It just bugs me because this person should be supportive. It breaks my heart.. and this person ... [snip!] ... my heart.. and this person has gone through losses themselves and should know how I feel to not be making those comments. "

I think sometimes people, when they aren't IN the position, they only can see it as a friend. They don't have the desire to have more kids, you know? They don't FELL that. They only see you hurting. They don't want you to hurt. They basically only see and feel one half the of equation.

I was SO upset during my pregnancy with Logan. My Mom didn't want to hear about the pregnancy, nothing. She was so sure something would happen like it did with Teagan, and she didn't want me to hurt. I get that, now, but it really really hurt me at the time.

You feel for children you don't have yet. They don't have that connection. They only feel for you, and they see you hurting. Maybe thinking about it like that might make it easier to take? I know it's hard, because the things they say are hurtful. But maybe thinking about why they're saying them will make them sting a little less?

I'm really sorry though. After your loss it's just not fair for you to have to deal with comments like that from people who should support you.

Quoting Chroma Hex [+1]:" I would only be concerned about trying again too soon before your body heals. I want to be pregnant ... [snip!] ... don't even have a SO. It's up to you and the person you're having a family with to decide when it's a good time to expand it!"

It was an early MMC, it just took 5-6 weeks to miscarry. I'm going to ask the midwife just to be safe and aren't going to do anything for at least the first cycle after. But after that if the midwife gives us clear, I don't see why we should wait. We were all ready to bring another into the family and TTC both the losses. DD will have a decent age gap and we're in a good financial and living situation.

Quoting Squid Kid:" It was an early MMC, it just took 5-6 weeks to miscarry. I'm going to ask the midwife just to be safe ... [snip!] ... into the family and TTC both the losses. DD will have a decent age gap and we're in a good financial and living situation."

You shouldn't if the doctor says you're fine and you think you guys are good to go emotionally. Like I said, no one can decide but you guys.

I know this isn't the same situation, but I've had two m/c, and I was on bedrest for most of my last pregnancy. I almost lost her a few times and was in the hospital a lot. After having an emergency C-Section,, a lot of people in my family were like "Now you know better than to want a baby!" or even went as far as to say "Now you'll see what being a young mom is like and you'll be smart enough to not do this again."

Considering the circumstances behind how I got pregnant, and how much I WANT more children, things like that really hurt. I even brought up that I've been single so long because I plan on having a baby with the next guy I'm in a serious relationship with, and they just roll their eyes and say "Wow. Did you really forget what it was like last time?"

Quoting Chroma Hex [+1]:" You shouldn't if the doctor says you're fine and you think you guys are good to go emotionally. Like ... [snip!] ... in a serious relationship with, and they just roll their eyes and say "Wow. Did you really forget what it was like last time?""

That's so horrible   I'm so sorry you have to deal with comments like that  

Quoting Squid Kid:" That's so horrible   I'm so sorry you have to deal with comments like that  "

I know deep down, (like what she nan is saying) that they mean well, but...I mean, honestly, they can't be supportive if they have an idea in their head of how you're supposed to live your life/handle a situation.

I hope you guys jump back into TTC and I hope that you have much better luck with this one. Once you decide that you want a kid, especially after you've had one, nothing can make that go away. If you guys are good financially and your relationship is going well, there's really no reason (besides your health) that you shouldn't have a baby!