re: All done.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Mrs. Potato Dick:</b>" It's him   It's like if someone were to take some random kid from down the street and have me hug him... that's how I feel when I hug DS. Zero emotional attachment is there. "</blockquote>




I also should mention that my husband's sister lives with us. She has for 2 years. She's 13 now and EVERY. SINGLE. THING. she does drives me crazy. It's gotten really hard since I've been pregnant. I feel bad because it isn't her fault, but at the same time I feel a lot of resentment towards her. I don't want to take her anywhere we go. I don't want to talk to her, or even be in the same room as her. Everything about her makes me crazy. I try really hard not to let her know, but I'm sure she does. She hugs me before bed and I hate it. I feel bad that I can't give her the emotional support she needs sometimes. But I am working really hard to try to fix it.

Quoting Mrs. Potato Dick:" I'm actually on that now. I just ran out of my prescription, but it's been helping me pretty well. ... [snip!] ... it with my antidepressants. It kinda evens it out so I don't deal with the negative side effects of those. What mg are you on?"

I'm glad it's helping! I never got to take it because I was breastfeeding and they poo poo'd that idea but I was on 125 mg of zoloft and .5 mg of klonopin (anxiety was my BIG issue) and that brought me back to the old me within 3 weeks. I owe my life and my relationship to my son to that med combo. I know that once this one comes i'm gonna need it. Three of my PPD mom friends got to take wellbutrin bc they weren't BFing and they were doing SOOOOO well on it! They had so much energy and had nothing but good things to say. I wanna say my best friend was on 200 or 300 mg? I think that's lower for wellbutrin though.

Quoting Chroma Hex [+1]:" I think the main part of being a parent is breaking your comfort zones and doing things for your child ... [snip!] ... child, and that makes you stronger than someone with those natural instincts that, unfortunately, some of us just don't have."

You're very right.

I adopted my son back in 2010. I'd been in his life since 2007. The bio mom was a smurf, so I stepped up and gave up my kid free life and took care of him. Sometimes I'm like "wtf was I thinking adopting him???" I did it so the bio mom wouldn't decide to stop being an smurf whenever and come smurf up his world. I was the only mother he knew and she could just show up whenever she felt like it. I didn't want that for him.

So, there's just a lot of regret right now. Lots of questions. Lots of guilt.

Quoting Mandy loves Hailey+Boy:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Mrs. Potato Dick:</b>" It's him   It's like if someone ... [snip!] ... it. I feel bad that I can't give her the emotional support she needs sometimes. But I am working really hard to try to fix it."

Why is she living with you guys? I don't know if I could handle that either.

Quoting FormerLlamaMama+.5:" I'm glad it's helping! I never got to take it because I was breastfeeding and they poo poo'd that idea ... [snip!] ... nothing but good things to say. I wanna say my best friend was on 200 or 300 mg? I think that's lower for wellbutrin though. "

They initially put me on 150 mg of Wellbutrin, but then I started taking 300 mg. That helped a lot more than the 150. I'm hoping to talk to my doctor about bumping it up more.

My appointment isn't until October, but I'm hoping I can get a same day appt on Monday. I don't want to feel this way any longer. I hate that it takes so long to get an appointment at that stupid clinic.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Mrs. Potato Dick:</b>" Why is she living with you guys? I don't know if I could handle that either."</blockquote>


Her mom was an alcoholic and her dad just left. She was only supposed to be here 6 months while her mom got cleaned up. She couldn't and the alcohol just killed her. Now dh is talking about adopting her. Even though she will be here until she's 18 anyway, that thought really scares me. That's another reason I need to get away. I need to get away from her.

Quoting Mrs. Potato Dick:" You're very right. I adopted my son back in 2010. I'd been in his life since 2007. The bio mom was ... [snip!] ... felt like it. I didn't want that for him. So, there's just a lot of regret right now. Lots of questions. Lots of guilt. "

The act that led up to Addie's conception wasn't consensual. I couldn't afford an abortion and I knew that no one in my family would pay for it. Too conservative. I'd always wanted to be a mom, but when I was married. Neither of my parents raised me, I was adopted by my aunt and didn't meet either of them until later in life. I PROMISED myself that that wouldn't be me. I would be happily married, and the child would be planned and wanted.

I didn't want to be a mom this young, I didn't want this baby or this life. I'm doing the best I can, but I still have so much resentment. I hate myself for getting into that situation and knowing that Addie doesn't have a dad because he's too much of a jackass to care about either of us.

I've always had FMS, but the pregnancy was really rough on me and I have all this nerve damage..I'm constantly in pain now, every moment of the day.

I'm so angry at myself and I hate the life I have now, and I'm trying SO hard not to put it on her. It's not her fault. But it's so hard not to look at her and think "If you weren't here, I wouldn't feel this way."

I think it's natural...I don't see how people can go through that or what you went through and not have regrets and resentment. The important thing, like I said, is doing what you need to despite it.

Quoting Mandy loves Hailey+Boy:" <blockquote><b>Quoting Mrs. Potato Dick:</b>" Why is she living with you guys? I don't ... [snip!] ... until she's 18 anyway, that thought really scares me. That's another reason I need to get away. I need to get away from her."

Oh my God. I feel bad for her... but I feel so bad for you. You've turned your world upside down for her. Her presence is probably exacerbating things that much more. I'm sorry  

Quoting Chroma Hex [+1]:" The act that led up to Addie's conception wasn't consensual. I couldn't afford an abortion and I knew ... [snip!] ... you went through and not have regrets and resentment. The important thing, like I said, is doing what you need to despite it. "

You sound like a seriously strong individual. I really appreciate you sharing that with me.

<blockquote><b>Quoting Mrs. Potato Dick:</b>" Oh my God. I feel bad for her... but I feel so bad for you. You've turned your world upside down for her. Her presence is probably exacerbating things that much more. I'm sorry  "</blockquote>

It makes me feel terrible because none of it was her fault. I'm really angry with her dad as well, he's worthless. I should just let it stay with him and her mom, but it's so hard. Especially when she does something she shouldn't. She also has issues getting along with my almost three year old, and when mama bear comes out, things get worse. We haven't had any financial helpl, so it's hard thinking "well, if we didn't have to buy new shoes for H, we could do this" or "we could afford to go ___ if we didn't have H". It kinda sucks. But parenting is hard, biological, or otherwise. Way harder than I ever imagined.

Totally understand how you feel mama! There are so many days where I just put dvds on and I'm like smurf off (I don't literally tell my children to smurf off) I feel like a smurf parent all the time. I'm going to the doctor about PPD I'm pretty sure I have it bad. Take each day at a time and try and focus on the cute things your boy does.

Every mum loves it when her kids are asleep. That's when I love my boys the most!  

Quoting Cariad (SuperKink):" Totally understand how you feel mama! There are so many days where I just put dvds on and I'm like smurf ... [snip!] ... focus on the cute things your boy does. Every mum loves it when her kids are asleep. That's when I love my boys the most!  "

Honestly, nothing my son does is cute. He's 6 and just... not cute. heh. I've never been a fan of school aged kids. Maybe that's part of my problem.

Bedtime is the BEST   Only 1 1/2 more hours for meeeeee. Then it's video game time. Except DD is still napping right now, so that's gonna suck.

Quoting Mrs. Potato Dick:" Honestly, nothing my son does is cute. He's 6 and just... not cute. heh. I've never been a fan of school ... [snip!] ...   Only 1 1/2 more hours for meeeeee. Then it's video game time. Except DD is still napping right now, so that's gonna suck."

I totally feel you! I'm worried about when my boys are that old cos school age kids annoy the smurf out of me

I was going through something very similar before I moved back close to my family. We made the decision as a family (roman and I) that moving closer to home was what was best for us because I was pretty much losing my mind. Now I get breaks... I can do things like take guitar and singing lessons and I even get to go out (we went out and danced last night in fact). It's amazing. Yes, it sucks living 1,200 away from my husband, but for us it isn't forever and I'm SO MUCH HAPPIER having help. Roman is always at work and it was killing our relationship because I resented him and our children. It's a sad sad situation to be in. Do you think you could take some time and go home to get your head straight? Might be difficult now that he's in school... but you have to do something to help yourself. You guys just can't live like this.

Quoting T-Swizzle+2:" I was going through something very similar before I moved back close to my family. We made the decision ... [snip!] ... be difficult now that he's in school... but you have to do something to help yourself. You guys just can't live like this. "

No, that's not really an option. With him being in school and Sean couldn't be away from Layla. Their bond is insane and I genuinely think he would become depressed without her. Plus, our relationship is going really well. I don't want to separate while we're doing so well with our marriage.

It's just crappy.

I'm happy that you have your time to yourself. That really sounds awesome. I've always wanted to learn how to play guitar